The "Wardrobe Staples" You Don't Really Need

So on here I have a list of staples for every woman’s wardrobe. Often I am asked why I didn’t include X or Y, or that I may have missed A or B. Many items are considered staples in books and websites. The thing is, most books are not geared for every shape. They don’t consider those with a very slight or “boy figure,” they don’t consider those who are plus-sized and not just bigger but curvier. They don’t consider things like large busts, small busts, thick appendages, short torsos, cankles and booties made for rap videos. I made this list several years ago, and haven’t had much need to change it drastically (do know it’s being renovated with fresh pictures that don’t disappear and verbiage for all items) because as a woman who has been large and small, friends and relatives with women who are tall, shorter than I, heavier and smaller and all sorts of lovely shapes… I know there are some “staples” out there that do not work on the majority of society – those of us who do not relate to the sample sized women in the fashion mags. And so, the “staples” I feel do not work for everyone:

1. Classic white shirt. Oh this one is almost on everyone’s list. If you are a regular reader, you know I posted about this before. If you have a very slight figure, if you are like me with large bust and shoulders and short neck, you know this item rarely looks good on you. If you’re tall you may have to order a specialty shirt (costing more, offering less selection) to get it to not be a belly top. Those with busts often have trouble with it fitting across your chest and not being too big elsewhere (yes there are custom shirt companies that sell by bust size, but the often assume you are a straight size elsewhere and the prices are quite high). And let’s got get into the fact that a huge percentages of complexions just don’t look good in white.

If you are not trying on a white shirt in a fitting room and finding yourself looking crisp, classic and elegant, then don’t buy it no matter what the how-to books tell you. I have owned one white shirt in the past couple of years and today I donated it because I realized that my figure has changed and again it is a shape where it just doesn’t look right in a white tailored shirt.

2. Black pencil skirt. If you have a belly, large legs, no curves, a large bum or an athletic figure, chances are you don’t look good in a black pencil skirt. If you are not a “skirt person,” you will feel utterly awkward in this garment. If you like soft neutrals, a black skirt will stick out in your wardrobe like a sore thumb. Wrong cut, and your skirt isn’t classic – it’s only appropriate at a night club or else terribly dowdy.

I own a black skirt, and it still has the tags on it. It was an amazing steal and matched my suit jacket perfectly so I bought it if I ever had the type of client where a skirt suit would be more appropriate than pants. A skirt is a good thing to have in your wardrobe, but often your black dress or your printed skirt will be more flattering and just as versatile.

3. Ballet flats. Ah, if we all were built like Audrey Hepburn, we could all sport skinny black trousers and ballet flats and be utterly chic and comfy. But we are not, and some people just shouldn’t own this type of shoe. First thing, they are small and round. If you are not-so small and round, a tiny flat shoe like this will make you look even bigger and quite top-heavy. If you feel more yourself in loose styles, ballet flats may easily make you look as though you don’t have feet. Feet help balance out your look and your figure, that’s why I recommend at least a slight heel and considering pointy toed shoes. Finally ballet flats are often lacking good support. You may consider flats for comfort but find that a ballet flat is actually painful after a bit of time. The foot is more naturally comfortable with some arch support, cushioning and a very slight bit of lift. Consider slight wedges, kitten heels, or if a flat – something with an interesting toe to complete your look. And if you are channeling Audrey and have the figure, then I say go for it! Ballet flats are adorable and classic.

4. A classic trench. Take it from someone who looks like crap in trenches and lives in a rainy part of the country – this is NOT a necessity. Trenches often have flaps, double-breasted buttons, a self-belt and all sorts of other things that can make a curvy or petite woman look as though she has wrapped herself in cardboard. Be it black, taupe or a fun color, a trench can be bulky, overwhelming and a non-essential in most climates in the United States. I live in The Land of Summer or Winter and No In-between so my jacket wardrobe is a rain slicker for torrential downpours, a pashmina for breezy nights and a couple heavy winter coats. If you live in an area that has more mild of climate, you may need a coat for cool and sprinkly days. Consider a Macintosh – these are single breasted, sans belt and a bit more figure-flattering. I say brighten up the rainy days with a cheerful color, a robin’s egg blue or candy pink can be a surprising complement to the majority of your wardrobe and will bring a smile to your face on the gloomiest of days. If you have a more casual lifestyle, consider a twill jacket – anywhere from mid-hip to mid-thing, with a zipper or buttons it can be fun and keep away the wind very nicely. There are great coats out there, but honestly the classic trench looks beautiful on some, but dumpy on many.

5. Pearls. Really, if you are not a pearl person you know it. And that’s okay. Accessories are great for expressing your personality and individuality; I don’t believe in classic accessories or trendy accessories. If you love it, it usually works. This also goes for diamond studs, cameo pins, Tiffany-logo necklaces and bracelets and Hermes scarves. If it doesn’t scream out to you, don’t buy it. Good accessories are those that you love to wear over and over and make a basic sweater or dress YOU. Now if you like pearls and diamond studs, that’s lovely and I say wear them even with jeans and tees – they always say that pearls lose their luster when not worn!

6. A black cashmere turtleneck. If you have a short neck, a double chin, a large chest, I say stay away from the turtlenecks. They are not flattering. Also if you get claustrophobic or itchy with things on your neck, do not become a slave to fashion. You can be totally toasty in other styles.

7. Knee-high boots. Yes they are lovely and a good pair with the right wardrobe can become an item in regular wardrobe rotation for years… only if that is your style. I personally cannot wear tall boots because I have very large calves. Styles made for large calves do fit, but I see that the boots then hide any shape to my legs making me look heavier and shorter. Maybe you are not a skirt person, then tall boots are pretty much pointless in your closet. If you have very slender legs, you may feel that an elegant pair of leather knee-highs look more like Wellingtons on you. Very tall or petite people may feel that they hit at an unflattering point on the leg. As with pearls, you know if you like this style – and if you do, look at yourself in a full length mirror with both pant legs rolled to skirt-length or in a skirt to REALLY see how they affect the whole picture. Nothing is chic or stylish if it ruins your shape.

8. A great watch. Maybe your signature is funky watches you have picked up around the globe. Maybe your signature is never wearing a timepiece. My mom has a wonderful watch that she has worn for years and has the band replaced every so often to keep it fresh. Where did she get it? At Target. It’s a classic white face with silvertone trim, she wears it with a black leather band and it’s small and unassuming. She loves it, and it fits her body and her style. Me personally, I don’t own a watch. I have no problem asking others the time or checking my cell phone. But that is just me. As with any other accessory, buy what you really love, make sure it fits your lifestyle and is of quality that makes it a worthy purchase.

9. Khaki pants/chinos. Unless you are the casual Lands End/L.L. Bean style of woman, these pants are NOT a necessity. The heavy fabric often adds bulk and is unforgiving to curves. Pleats and slanted front pockets do horrible things to a woman’s figure, and worn with a simple tee or polo often makes a lady look as though she works at Blockbuster. Khaki can be a great neutral, but so can black, beige, winter white, ivory, camel, brown, gray, olive and many other shades. Lighter weight stretch poplin, cotton sateen or versatile soft fabrics like crepe, triacetate, wool and linen blends are often more flattering and can easily look great with a tee or polo for casual events and dress up with a jacket or sweater for work.

So if you love these items and love the way you look in the mirror, by all means purchase them. However if you try and try and these items just don't seem to work with your body type... it's okay. It is more important to be true to you than be a slave to fashion. Just as one man's trash is another man's treasure, so it is with fashion. If you are looking for help for some basics to begin a wardrobe, try my list in the sidebar. And if you find that items on that list do not work for your body, send me an email. I really appreciate feedback like that, because my goal is not to force everyone to look a certain way, or "my" way, but to be happy, comfortable and stress-free in their wardrobe.

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http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/17068

It's time for the Blogger's Choice Awards and I have been nominated for Best Shopping Blog. I would be honored if you would vote for me; and while you are at it, look for or nominate your other favorite blogs! We bloggers don't usually get paid (yeah those ads? They look pretty but don't pay a heck of a lot) and recognition like this makes it all worth while. there are some awesome bloggers out there that deserve recognition!



UPDATE: I believe I have updated to the correct link. If not, click on the button above and in the search feature in the top right part of the page, enter my website's url and it will direct you to the page. Please vote for Best Shopping Blog because for some reason I have gotten things like Best Blogger Host, and that's not like Jay Leno, that's like Type Pad!

Vote for Me!

http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/17063

It's time for the Blogger's Choice Awards and I have been nominated for Best Shopping Blog. I would be honored if you would vote for me; and while you are at it, look for or nominate your other favorite blogs! We bloggers don't usually get paid (yeah those ads? They look pretty but don't pay a heck of a lot) and recognition like this makes it all worth while. there are some awesome bloggers out there that deserve recognition!



Be sure to vote for Best Shopping Blog, a few of you have put this as a Hobby or Stuff and other categories and that's very cool of you, but I think Shopping is probably the best category. Thanks so much for supporting me!

Tuesday

Back to work! Teal knit dress from Proenza Shouler for Target, leopard peep toe heels from BCBGirls, gold hoops and bangle bracelets from The Icing.

Hair was only conditioned, then added a bit of Nexxus Texxtur and allowed to air dry 50% and then blow dry the rest. Straightened out pieces, curled a few pieces and used some Jonathan Dirt for texture.

Makeup is Bare Escentuals mineral foundation in Fairly Light, Nars blush in Orgasm, Smashbox Soft Lights in Tint, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid. Lashes curled and Max Factor lash Perfection applied. Maybelline UltraLiner in black on top lash line. On lips is Maybelling Wetshine Diamonds in Glowing Glimmer with my Victoria's Secret light pink gloss in a squeeze tube over it (forgot the name).

Monday

Furniture shopping and other errands. Off to IKEA to scope out new office furniture - armed with measurements, camera and tape measure. Then to a few other places to work on making this room I shoot photos in into an actual functioning office.

Black ribbed tank from Caslon, black and ivory print jersey skirt from Rachel Palley, silver hoops from The Icing, silver cuff, black leather thong heels from Target.

Hair was allowed to air dry the night before, hit unruly pieces with curling iron, straightened out the bangs a bit, hit the whole thing with some Jonathan Dirt.

Makeup is Bare Escentuals mineral foundation in Fairly Light, Nars blush in Orgasm, Smashbox Soft Lights in Tint, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on the lid. Lashes curled, Max Factor Lash perfection applied. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Shine That Pink.

Saturday

Went to a roller derby. We had a charter bus take us there with all we could drink PBR, then the competition, then the ride back to the bar where we were to spend the evening. Casual affair and a hot day.

Black ribbed tank from Caslon, Curvy bootcut jeans from Gap, silver hoops from The Icing, silver cuff, black stacked flops from J. Crew.

Hair was washed and conditioned, a bit of Nexxus Texxtur added while damp, allowed to air dry, then a few pieces hit with the curling iron and the bangs were blown out straight. Used Jonathan Dirt to make it piecey and textured and a touch of Sebastian Shaper Spray for hold.

Makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish primer, L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Nars blush in Orgasm, Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Pink Afterglow, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral khakis - ivory in inner corners, khaki on lid. lashes curled and Max Factor's lash perfection applied in two coats, thin line of Maybelline Ultra liner in black.

Friday

Black tee shirt dress from Jones New York Sport, yellow bead necklace from my mom, black leather thong heels from Target, silver cuff bracelet.

Hair is second day. Brushed with a wood-bristle brush, but otherwise left alone. pretty cool because the nice retired dude in my court complimented me on my hair today - I think that's the first time he has mentioned something about my appearance.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, a bit of Body Shop bronzing powder in Light in the face, Nars blush in Orgasm on the apples of the cheeks. On eyes is the Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on the lid,l olive in crease and along lash lines. lashes curled and Max Factor Lash Perfection in Black applied. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Pink Afterglow.

Thursday

Brown merino 3/4 sleeve v-neck sweater from Gap, beige stretch poplin trousers from Caslon, brown bead necklace from my mom's jewelry box, tan leather thong heels from target, silver cuff.

Hair is washed and conditioned, then while damp applied a bit of Sexy Straight Hair's Shine On! mixed with Nexxus Texxtur. I then ran around getting ready and the hair began to dry in weird waves. I encouraged it by finishing drying with a diffuser, then took large sections around the curling iron.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Body Shop bronzing powder in Light, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners, khaki on lid, chocolate along lash lines and in crease. On lips is Body Shop Liquid Lip Color in Sparkling Pink.

Wednesday

Didn't take a picture. Running late because had to do work in the Am at home. My hair was second day, my makeup was pretty standard, I wore my black trousers from Limited and my blue scoop neck tee from American Apparel and my black thong heels from Target. Silver cuff and these silver earrings that are a long box chain with a silver bead at the bottom. Ya'll didn't miss much...

Tuesday

Black jersey dress from Velvet Torch, gray ribbed tank from Caslon, black coral necklace from Mexico, black leather thong heels from Target.

Hair was washed the night prior, allowed to air dry, then straightened with the dryer and round brush. I haven't gotten used to this cut yet, it does often take up to two weeks for me to fall in love. This time I asked for more bangs and I haven't yet gotten used to the concept of real bangs.

Makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish primer, L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, The Body Shop's bronzing powder in Light and a touch of Nars blush in Orgasm on the apples of the cheeks. On lips is Revlon ColorGlide in Rum Radiance. Eyes is the Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis (ladies did you see it in the recent issue of Allure as a must-buy? It really is!) - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, light dusting of khaki on lids. Lashes curled and Max Factor's Lash Perfection applied, fine line of Maybeliine UltraLiner in black on top lash line.

Sorry guys, it has been busy at work this week with a deliverable and a project coming to completion. I missed you all too! :-)

Wednesday Ramblings...

On one of my other blogs, a reader noted that I wore black to a recent wedding. She believed that wearing black stated that you were not in favor of the marriage.

During a recent chat on the website for a prominent paper, a contributor asked why fashion right now is all billowing maternity-inspired fashion when men are more attracted to fashion that shows the figure.

Two weeks ago, I sported white pants with black shoes and top to work and had a coworker comment that she thought the rules still applied that white was reserved for between Memorial Day and Labor Day.

I had a reader the other day email me and ask me what foundation she should wear since she looks ghastly in yellow yet feels the need to wear it since it is in fashion this season.

This weekend a friend was getting married. While she was getting her hair done, the flower girls were being entertained by a children’s program on the television. I sat down and watched with the kids as that I had nothing to do at the time but wait. The episode was about rules. The puppets admitted they didn’t have any rules in their life and it was causing conflict and trouble. They learned what rules were and starting making rules right and left, believing more rules was better. If something is good, wouldn’t a large quantity make it great? They soon realized that having too many rules made their life no longer fun. They were tired, frustrated, confused by the rules. They soon learned to keep only the rules that made things run smoothly so all had fun.

This children’s show applies to fashion. We have gone through periods in America where fashion was dictated by dozens of rules. No white after Labor Day, patent leather only for day time, your shoes must match your purse, older women need to cut their hair, overweight women wear dark billowy fabrics to discourage attention, shimmery makeup is left to those under 25, black and red worn at weddings shows that you do not support the union, and black should always be worn to a funeral.

If you were purchasing a new refrigerator, you would do your homework. Out comes issues of Consumer Reports, neighbors would be asked about their recent buys, and often a few Internet searches would be conducted. You would enter the store armed with your information, ready to make an educated purchase. The same applies to most any purchase for your home. Even paint – you often look at catalogs and pamphlets seeing how color choices match with floor and furniture colors and get inspired from shows on HGTV and home-decorating periodicals.

The reason you do this homework is because there are so many options out there. Not everyone has a blue living room and a green kitchen, you can have any color you desire, and the options of wallpaper, borders, paint techniques, moldings and trim. If you find the options fun, you may get more creative with the colors or textures. If you find it overwhelming, you may stick with a basic or replicate a picture you saw in a book. Well, fashion is the same way. Yes, there are trends just as there are in home décor (remember avocado-hued appliances?), but there are always the standards, and there are always enough choices to find something that works just for you.

Just as everyone is now wearing babydoll tops and skinny jeans, so is everyone getting oak cabinets with green granite countertops and stainless appliances. But every so often, people choose white appliances, a modern look, restore old farmhouse kitchen cabinets or go Green with recycled countertops. Same with fashion. No need to follow the trends to the letter if they do not suit your shape, age or personal style.

You are the most fantastic story ever written. Your childhood, your education, your travels, your passions and hobbies. No one else has a story quite like yours. If you were to be published, you would desire a book jacket that illustrated your story well, so people would understand the plot just from the cover photo and the few paragraphs of text on the back. Well clothing is your book jacket. A simple cover shows class and elegance and invites those who like to read to delve in and learn more. A bright and colorful jacket informs potential readers that the story will be vibrant, unique and artistic. A photo in soft focus with delicate colors infers that the story is romantic, feminine and a bit mysterious. Think about your hobbies, your passions, your dreams. They are what make you the amazing person you are.

Clothing is a necessity in this society, there are certain rules regarding work, formal events, religious occasions, but few enough rules to still have fun. Like those moppets on that show, you need to understand the rules that are in place so all can enjoy this existence, and the rules that really just cause a headache and are superfluous. Do your homework, as you would for anything. A wardrobe should last you as long as many home appliances and furniture you purchase. You obviously already own clothing or else you are reading this from your bedroom swathed in your sheets. Point is, don’t rush into clothing just as you wouldn’t rush into purchasing a car or lawn mower. Don’t add to the collection unless it’s right – it’s better to stick for now with what you have and dislike than to spend money on things that will be added to the dislike pile. When you have the time and money and mentality to go shopping, remember who you are. Take photos and magazine clippings to inspire you and be true to yourself, inside and out.

Monday

Apple green tissue-weight merino boatneck from J. Crew, ivory wool-blend coin-pocket trousers from Ann Taylor Loft, long pearls from Limited looped around neck, tan leather thong heels from Mossimo, silver cuff.

Hair is second day, straightened with a round brush and the dryer.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Nars blush in Orgasm, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid, a bit of olive along lash line and in crease. Lashes curled and Max Factor's Lash Perfection in black applied. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Shine that Pink.

PRODUCT REVIEW: Max Factor's Lash Perfection Mascara - My sister bought me this as a gift (she's such a good sister!) because she has hear great reviews and she knows how I am always ont he search for a good mascara. We so far, so good! it has one of those new-fangled rubbery brushes a la Cover Girl's Lash Exact, but seems to coat the lash more completely. I applied two coats without a hint of clumping or ickiness, it is flexible while giving dark and thick coverage, the brush helps grab the smaller lashes, and though I have been sneezing all day, it hasn't budged. I do think that DiorShow gives a better "false eyelashes" look, but this is an awesome choice for day look and an evening look for you who aren't trying to look like a drag queen (I myself desire that look 24/7). So if you are looking for a new mascara, I suggest you try this out!

Sunday

Brunch with the husband and a friend at a casual cafe nearby that had outdoor seating to enjoy the beautiful day. Teal cotton babydoll top from Old Navy, Curvy Bootcut jeans from Gap, brown stacked flops from J. Crew, silver cuff.

Hair was washed the night before and allowed to air dry sans product. I blew it straight and used an iron to get the unruly pieces smooth. Small amount of BioSilk added to the ends.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, a bit of Nars blush in Orgasm, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid. lashes curled and Cover Girl Lash Exact in black applied. On lips is The Body Shop's Votamin C Lip Balm.

Saturday

Wedding - I was assisting my husband (he was the photographer) plus we are good friends with the couple. Black matte jersey sleeveless dress with surplice neck and empire waist from Old Navy, short pearls from met, long pearls from Limited, black crepe heels from Mossimo (and my Naturalizer flats for the times when I was running around and coordinating). Black silk clutch from Aldo, black crepe shawl with decorative edge embroidery and fringe from Express.

Hair was washed, conditioned and Curly Sexy Hair's Curl Power applied. Allowed to air dry about 30 minutes, then finished with a diffuser on the dryer. Curled the majority of the head with an iron to give a finished look. Added a bit of Jonathan Dirt for hold and separation.

Makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish primer, L'oreal true Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Chanel pressed powder in Natural, Nars blush in Orgasm. Eyes again with the Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid. lahses curled and two coats of DiorShow Unlimited mascara in Black and a line of Maybelline UltraLiner in black on top lash line. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Shine That Pink.

Friday

Black ribbed tank from Caslon, dark denim skirt from Gap, tan canvas jacket from Mossimo, black coral necklace from Mexico, black leather thong heels from Mossimo, silver cuff.

Hair is washed, conditioned, a bit of Sexy Straight Hair's Shine On! and Nexxus Texxtur applied while damp, bloqn straight and an iron used to get it a bit more straight.

Makeup is L'Oreal true Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, A bit of Body Shop bronzing powder in Light across face, Nars blush in Orgasm on apples. Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid, olive and chocolate mixed and put on lash line and in crease. Lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited in black applied. On lips is Revlon ColorGlide in Rum Radiance.

Thursday

Black cotton/ramie blend scoop neck short sleeved empire-waist sweater from Old Navy, white stretch poplin trousers from Caslon, red stone necklace from a boutique at the beach, silver cuff, black leather thong heels from target.

Hair is washed with KiwiReflector, conditioned with Suave Professionals Volumizing conditioner. Allowed to air dry 90% and then a bit of Sexy Straight Hair's Shine On! mixed with Nexxus Texxtur applied and blown straight. A bit of BioSilk to the ends. hair this time is more auburn of highlights than the cherry of the Spring.

makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish primer, L'Oreal True match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5 (though it's not doing much against my allergy eyes and bags), Body Shop bronzing powder in Light on face where the sun hits, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid, chocolate in crease, along lash line and in brows (I broke my eyebrow powder). lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited mascara in black applied. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Pink Afterglow.

And no, I am not sad (this is to the gentleman who emailed me), I just feel like a fool grinning to a camera at 7am some mornings. Call it lack of caffeine, not a lack of good things in my life. Speaking of good things, the biggest one is my 6'5" tall hubby :-)

Wednesday

Rough day - spent the morning getting chores done and lost track of time. Also hair is on its second day without being washed and after walking 2.2 miles yesterday at lunch in the blazing heat, it needs it.

Coral scoop neck tunic tee from Gap, white ribbed tank from old Navy, denim trousers from Gap, two glass chip necklaces from a boutique at the beach, black leather thong heels from Target.

Hair had a bit of Shower to Shower applied to the roots to look less greasy and was blown straight while dry with a round brush.

Makeup is L'Oreal True match foundation in C3, Body Shop bronzing power in Light across whole face and neck, bit of Nars blush in orgasm on lips. on eyes is Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brown bone, khaki on lid. lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited mascara in black applied. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Shine That Pink.

Tuesday

Black silk/cotton tee from Banana Republic, black wool blend coin-pocket trousers from Ann Taylor Loft; red,pink, gray and white print silk scarf from Liberty tied around neck, red patent croco peep toe heels from Enzo Angiolini.

Hair was cut and colored the night prior so it could not be washed. Straightened with a straightener and hit a few pieces with the curling iron for shape. Some Jonathan Dirt to make the whole thing look set.

Makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish Primer, L'Oreal True match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Nars blush in Orgasm, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on the lid. Maybelline UltraLiner in black thinly applied to top lash Line, lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited mascara in black applied. On lips is Maybelline Wet Shine Diamonds in Glowing Glimmer.

Monday

Same dress as yesterday, same hair, same makeup! the only change is that I am wearing my silver cuff bracelet and a silver and seagreen glass bead necklace from Target. I also tossed my black Naturalizer flats in my bag because I am joining my company's Walking Club for 20 minute walks at lunch.

Hair is acting a bit different because I used the Dove conditioner for Darkened hair. Makes the hair very soft to the point of unmanageable. It was a free sample, heading to get my hair cut tonight and will probably buy some new shampoo and conditioner if my bank account will allow it...

Sunday

Black tee shirt dress from Jones New York (cut off 6" so it was a more flattering length), orange bead necklace from a thrift store, black leather thong heels from Target.

Hair is washed, conditioned, a bit of Sexy Straight Hair's Shine On! mixed with Nexxus Texxtur added while damp and blown straight. A bit of a curling iron to ends to add some movement.

Makeup is L'Oreal true Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory in inner corners and on brow bone, khaki on lid, chocolate in crease and along lash line. lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited mascara in black applied. On cheeks is Nars blush in Orgasm. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Pink Afterglow.

Oh and here are my $7 Aviators from the mall kiosk. I got them as a cheap pair for the summer music/camping festival I will be attending but have started wearing them daily.

Saturday

It's a big yellow poncho! The day was beautiful, after yoga I went to the town Be Green festival and helped my hubby man the table for his yoga studio. Went home, took a nap and donned the same exact clothing that I wore Friday night (ended up being a very short night) to wear to a baseball game. Took with me my hibiscus-colored hoodie from The Gap.

hair and makeup the same as Friday night, just added some silver aviator sunglasses to the mix (from a kiosk in the mall).

It rained. It rained and it poured and the game was delayed twice and ended up not finishing until around 2am. We didn't stay that long. After an hour of being huddled up in the nosebleed seats under a poncho, my Mom, sister and I all put them on and headed to the Metro and then home.

if I had watched the weather report I would have worn different shoes - it is HARD to walk in traditional flops in rain and puddles!

Thanks to my Mom who came armed with two umbrellas and a handful of these ponchos. After this experience I am investing in one myself to have in the trunk of my car for these sort of downpours.

Friday Night

Had a community meeting and went to dinner with the hubby and then hung out in the town square with friends.

Teal cotton babydoll top from Old Navy (and from Monday), cutoff denim that were the gauchos I wore last summer scissored off by me, seaglass and silver necklace from Ross, silver cuff, brown stacked flip flops from J. Crew.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, The Body Shop bronzing powder in Light as blush. Eyes is the Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khaki - ivory in inner corners, khaki on the lid. Lashes curled and Cover Girl Lash Exact in black applied. On lips is a sheer pink sparkly gloss in a tube from The Body Shop and it's name escapes me.

Hair is washed, conditioned and then a small amount of Sexy Straight Hair's Shine On! and an even smaller amount of Nexxus Texxtur added to it, then dried upside down, with a round brush for the last couple of minutes.

Friday

Coral crinkle gauze babydoll top by XXX, denim trousers by Gap, two glass chip necklaces from a boutique at the beach, silver cuff, black leather heeled thong sandals by Target.

Hair is second day. I considered curling, then tried to straighten and everything looked super bad. It looks fried and past-due for a trim. I ended up putting a portion up with a little brown metal barrette and accepting my fate.

Makeup was minimal - L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, Nars blush in Orgasm, lashes curled and Cover Girl Lash Exact in black, fine line of Maybelline Ultra Liner in black on top lash line, on lips is e.l.f. lipgloss in Watermelon.

Thursday

Navy twill blazer from Talbots, turquoise ribbed tank from Caslon, tan stretch polin trousers from the other day and from Caslon, tan leather heeled things from Target, faux turquoise necklace from Target, silver cuff.

Hair is washed, conditioned, Sexy Curly Hair's Curl Power applied and then it was air-dried most of the way, and then dried with a diffuser. Curling iron to the unruly sections.

Makeup is L'Oreal True Match foundation in C3, concealer in W4-5, a touch of Chanel pressed powder in Nautral, Smashbox Soft Lights in Tint on the apples of the cheeks. Eyes is the Revlon ColorStay shadow quad in Neutral Khakis - ivory on inner corners and along brow bone, khaki on lid. Lashes curled, Cover Girl Lash Exact in Black applied. Thin line of Maybelline UltraLiner in black on top lash line. On lips is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in Pink Afterglow.

The Mall and the SAHM

This week, I ran to the mall at lunch for some retail therapy. I recently bought a pair of black trousers that had such a perfect fit, fabric and cut that I returned to get them in two other colors. While strolling the mall sipping my iced coffee, I realized that the majority of the mall was occupied by mothers with their children. Women with slings holding sleeping infants, women with strollers holding up to three kids at a time at varying ages. Women and children hand in hand at the food court, on benches, in stores. As varying were the ages of their children were the appearances of these mothers.

This mall is in a community where every economic level of person lives. On one side of the mall are million-dollar townhomes in a gated community, the other side are rent-controlled apartments. A mile up the street are McMansions and in the other direction, cozy blocks of split-level and rancher-style brick homes built in the 50s. I used to work at this mall, and saw people from all walks of life enter my store. This day of retail therapy and my years of retail management remind me that money does not equal style.

My mom often tells me about my childhood. We were not well off and she had to save up to buy clothes for herself and us kiddies. Weekends were spent at yard sales for clothes, furniture and even Christmas presents come winter. Though my mom had a limited budget, she always looked great. She learned to sew to be able to dress for less and flatter her petite frame. She scoured sale racks and when something worked, she would buy multiples in varying colors to make things simple. Since she was a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM), she needed clothes that didn’t wrinkle, could handle multiple washings and were so easy to pair with one another, she could dress in the dark. Pictures of her during this time shows her in jeweled toned knit tops, black knit trousers, black shoes and a silver pendant necklace almost every day. Not too exciting, the sleeve and pant length seemed to change with the seasons, but the premise was the same. Considering it was the 70s and 80s, my mom had a shoulder-length perm that flattered her face but was low-maintenance. You couldn’t look at her and know her income level or that I had vomited on that shirt two days prior. She was a parent of two rambunctious children, a volunteer in our schools, the editor of the church newsletter, active in the community and always overextended. Though her life may have been frazzled, her appearance was not.

It really is possible to look good and be a SAHM. And this is possible without spending much more time every day. It’s all about mindful shopping. I know I have written about this before, but this is something that is important to all women, no matter our lifestyle or responsibilities.

As I walked down the mall, I had two women in front of me pushing strollers. They were friends, chatting with each other as they window-shopped. They were both in their 30s, both of average size, both with straight blonde hair and I believe even had the same strollers. That was where the similarities ended. One was in baggy over-washed black cotton capris that ended at the widest part of her calf. She paired this with a pink, black and white horizontally striped polo shirt that hit right at her waistband and with it a pair of black flip flops. Her hair was half up in a claw clip, though most was slipping out and fanning out around her head. She looked dumpy, disheveled and her clothes looked cheap. Her friend was also in black capris, but they were of a very heavy knit and fit her frame quite well. Paired with it was a turquoise boatneck ¾ sleeve top that hit at mid-hip. On her feet were black ballet flats and her hair was held back with a black elastic headband. Her outfit was just as low-fuss and easy care, yet she looked slimmer and more polished. Both wardrobes can go in the washer and dryer. Both outfits were comfortable and easy. The difference was that the woman in the turquoise seemed more mindful of what she was purchasing.

1. Don’t buy 100% cotton unless you love to iron. It wrinkles, and even an extra 10 minutes in the dryer won’t get those wrinkles out. Also, cotton is known to fade after many washings. Cotton clothes soon look rumpled, old and worn. You don’t have the time and money to replace them, so don’t buy them in the first place.

2. If your tummy is not your best feature, then don’t showcase it. Tops that hit right at your midsection draw attention to that area. Tucked-in tops emphasize the lower abdomen, and tops that are too tight do not flatter anyone. Look for tops that hit around mid-hip. This length is slimming to the torso without making the legs look short. No need for baggy tops – they often add bulk instead of hiding it. Look for something that either skims the body or sits pretty darn close. This will show you have the figure of a woman, not a sack of potatoes.

3. Flip flops are for the beach, not the mall. I say this often on here, but flops are bad for your feet. Your arches sink, you pull muscles between your toes and they do more harm than good. They are great when hopping in the car to drop the kid off somewhere, tooling around the garden, the pool or the shore but that’s about it. To preserve your feet for your future and not look sloppy, invest in some real shoes. Ballet flats are a great alternative and can be found for less than $20 at retailers like Target. A leather sandal in tan will go with 90% of your wardrobe and be more structured and attractive than a flip flop. This change affects your personal style as well as your personal health.

4. With skirts, dresses, shorts and capris, have them end at a slim part of the leg. Your thigh and your calf are the widest parts and when clothing ends there, it gives the appearance that your entire leg is that size. Do your figure a favor and if the garment is perfect except for the length, take them to the tailor. For about $5 they can hem it to a better place.

5. Consider solids. Stripes and patterns may add variety and you may think they hide stains, but they often look cheap and quickly look dated. A solid polo in French blue can look crisp with a pair of khaki Bermudas; a striped one can make you look bigger and often looks cheaper. The best way to make your bargain piece look more expensive is to buy it in a solid color, free of garment-dyed finishes, contrast stitching or elaborate details. Go for simple and you’ll go for gold.

6. Read the label. If it says Dry Clean Only, don’t buy it unless you have time and money for such a service. If it tells you to dry flat, it’s telling you not to buy it. You don’t have the time for this, and if you don’t follow the instructions you will probably ruin the shape or finish of the garment.

7. If it’s great, buy two. As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I went and bought two more pairs of pants that I already owned and loved. They were the right length, color, fabric and fit. No one is taking a tally of how many styles of garments you own, all people notice is if you look nice. You found a great wrap top that flatters and fits and is easy care and perfection? Get it in black, pink and teal. Found a wrap dress that can hit the dryer as well as the dance floor? Get it in solid black and also in the red print. This is also true for shoes – get them in the neutral you wear most often (black or brown) and then get them in one other color (tan or a contrast shade like red pr green). If they are awesome, they are worth it.

8. Adjust your hair to your life. If you don’t have time to blow out your hair every morning, then get a cut that allows you to wash and wear. If you have bad hair days, you are human. Work with it with flattering accessories. Claw clips seem like a quick fix but look sloppy more often than not. Headbands are hip right now – great time to stock up. Also nothing is wrong with a low ponytail; side parts are flattering on rounder faces and a little hairspray on your brush or comb will help battle flyaways.

9. Buy a new bra. Whether or not you breastfed, your breasts will not be the same as they were pre-baby even if your waistline is. With any weight changes, your breasts change as well. Nothing makes you look firmer and fitter than a supportive bra. Also nothing makes you feel more like a woman than to have a gorgeous red satin and lace number under your standard tee shirt.

10. Keep the active wear for the gym. Knit shorts, baggy tee shirts from a vacation destination, matching hoodies and pants are not appropriate for “the real world.” It is just as easy to buy a feminine cut of tee shirt than to buy an oversized one.

11. Don't shy from a skirt or dress. If it hits around the knees, you can still crawl on the floor and run around without trouble. A skirt is always more polished, and a great tee-shirt style dress is easier to put on in the morning than a whole outfit. The one pictured is less than $40 by Jones New York, I found it at Nordstrom.

12. Show your personality. You are more than a mom, you are an amazing and vital woman. Wear your favorite colors, buy a leopard print shoe or a bold necklace. Small touches take your standard day wear from uniform to amazing with little work.

Some companies I recommend to find beautiful, comfortable and durable garments:

• Lands End – I love this place. I buy knits from there that never shrink, fade or pill. They have petite, tall and plus sizes and offer fit guides to ensure you get the right size. I recommend you use this guide for many of their pieces run big. Best part? Their prices are very reasonable!
• Chico’s – Fabulous colors, fun accessories and lots of fabrics that resist wrinkles and fading. Do note their sizing is a bit different from most companies and they do not carry plus sizes. As with Lands End, they often run a tad big.
• J. Crew – J. Crew is the Mecca for pretty solid colored tops. Flattering cuts of polos and tees, high-quality cashmere, cotton and wool sweaters, and all with flattering yet not risqué necklines and cuts. J. Crew often runs small, especially in their bottoms but the quality is good, the cut is usually flattering and their return policy is fabulous. The price may be a bit higher than you’re used to, but the quality usually makes it worth the investment (I am still wearing J. Crew skirts and sweaters from a decade ago).
• I.N.C. by Macy’s – You may find this a strange choice but if you regularly visit this section you would understand. They carry petites and plus sizes, they always have the most gorgeous colors and a large selection of pants, shorts and capris for the season. I.N.C. does a fabulous job of taking what is on the runway and making is realistic and wearable for every woman. They carry prints, but also a plethora of solids every season in some high-quality knits and other washable fabrics.
• Boden – Feminine cuts, pretty colors, and great basics for any wardrobe. Do note this is a UK site so their sizes run differently than the us (they have a handy fit guide on the site). They don’t have many extended sizes, though some trousers are offered in long lengths. This company has mastered simple elegance with their basic style.

Fashion is Stupid

I am often attacked for my belief that style is a necessity for all people. I am told that people don’t have time, don’t have money, and feel that trying so hard to look good makes one appear superficial, materialistic, shallow and not a true reflection of their intelligent/feminist/scientific/minimalist self. Here’s the down and dirty.

You are judged by what you look like. Accept it.

Whether people realize it or not, they make assumptions about you by your appearance. This affects how you are treated at work, in a store, by your peers, your neighbors, a waiter, a doctor, a minister.

You may say you don’t care, that if a person gets to know the real you, that appearance is no longer an issue.

False.

I had a coworker, a brilliant and hardworking woman. She worked in a different office from me, but we were on many projects together and got to know one another via phone calls and emails. She was a higher position than I, and she soon became a bit of a mentor to me, and then a friend. She admitted to me after many months that she was looking for a new job because she felt as though she wasn’t respected within the department. I agreed that she seemed to lack the respect, and I couldn’t understand why. She was poised, professional yet warm. As a mentor, she gave constructive criticism, challenging tasks and plenty of feedback. In her role, she was quick, detailed and talented. Clients wrote letters about her great performance with a project, however upper management spoke of her as though she was an idiot and a bit lazy. I never understood why until nine months after we first started working together, I met her in person. She was slim and tall, though seemed uncomfortable in her skin. She hunched over and let her long straight brown hair hang over the majority of her face. When she laughed she covered her mouth as though out of embarrassment. Her hair never seemed to be brushed, she never wore makeup and her clothes looked as though she inherited them from her grandmother – they were all too large, too short for her long legs, and seemed to be from the 1980s (shoulder pads, peplum jackets, weird large floral boxy jackets with matching long broomstick skirts, etc…). Though she was in her mid-30s one would guess that she was closer to 50.

She soon left the company and got a job where she telecommutes. When she left I overheard management discussing it, thinking it was no great loss, “not like we could put her in front of a business meeting!” I thought it was a shame, some of the best work and brightest ideas just left the company. But they were right… how could you put a person who seemed so ill at ease in front of clients trying to sell our company, and make them believe that we are the best decision?

When I was in high school, I was the previous millennium’s equivalent to goth. I had black hair, shaved off part of it, lived in a motorcycle jacket, Doc Marten boots and torn stockings. When I walked in the mall, mothers would hug their purses closer to their sides. I was once asked to leave a store even though I had done nothing but walk in and flip through a rack of clothing. As the statistician for my school’s soccer team, I once had a busload of players from another school taunt me and one player spit on me calling me a “psycho.” Funny thing was I was an honor roll student, president of many clubs at my school, attended church and had a very healthy and close relationship with my parents. I was considered a “goody goody” by my friends, not partaking in drugs, drinking, smoking or mature relationships with my boyfriends. However I had black hair and lots of eyeliner so those who did not know me considered me to be a derelict of society.

In college I was a blonde for a couple of semesters and saw how differently I was treated. People were more willing to come up to me and ask directions or speak to me, I had a more relaxed rapport with teachers, and people thought I seemed “happier” during that period of time. Funny thing was that I was actually having the most miserable year of my college career, but no one took me seriously when I complained. I guess I didn’t “look” unhappy enough to school counselors or friends.

I have a dear friend. She is a gorgeous woman inside and out. She oozes confidence and femininity and is incredibly intelligent. One place she does have problems is in everyday society. We meet for drinks and she tells me how for the fourth time that month someone has literally slammed a door in her face because he didn’t see her behind him. She goes from job to job, having much success in the interview but after a few months somehow ends up taking up the responsibility of the intern, the receptionist and the admin while those with less education and time with the corporation move up in the ranks. She goes to the bar and ends up standing there far longer than anyone else, never getting the attention of the bartender. She has found that in the love department, she has had the most success in online dating where a relationship via IM and email is established prior to meeting one another. Once they meet, the man is usually positively smitten. I thought about all of this while I sat across from this beautiful woman with insanely green eyes and long lashes, who has the cutest laugh and the most graceful movements. Then I thought about how she dresses herself. On that night at the bar, she was wearing a moss-green short sleeved cotton shirt, black trousers and black shoes. The shirt was fuzzy from far too many washings and looked garment-dyed probably from use and not from design. It looked to be 100% cotton and it looked as though she tried to get out the wrinkles with a run through the dryer. Her attempt was not successful as that the shirt looked like she pulled it off the floor of her bedroom. Her trousers were leftover from her 20 pound larger frame three years ago and bagged everywhere they shouldn’t. They dragged on the ground from the extra inches and the hem was torn and muddy. Her shoes were big chunky black loafers; a pair I had myself in the mid-90s that looked like clown shoes on her petite frame. Her hair was a blunt cut to the jaw, parted in the middle and tucked behind the ears. No jewelry, no makeup, no adornment whatsoever. I knew her as a fiery brilliant woman, but those on the street (and in her office and behind the bar) probably find her to blend into the woodwork, seem mousy and unsure of herself.

We discussed fashion and she told me that no offense to me, but fashion depletes brain cells. One hardly ever sees a person with a PhD and a pair of Jimmy Choos. My response is that looking good does NOT have to equate with current fashion. It is possible for every person n the planet to look good, look appropriate and look the part of their culture/personality/lifestyle. That your insides have to be reflected on your outside to truly have personal style. I thought back to my years of black hair and torn clothes and wouldn’t have changed a thing – though I may not have fit into a crowd, I fit into my life and my personality. When I went to church I traded my monkey boots for loafers and my plaid miniskirts for a more conservative sweater with trousers. I thought about her, and wondered how that green wrinkled top expressed what kind of person she was. Her wearing that top was just as conflicting as her wearing my leather biker jacket from high school, or a cabbage-rose adorned dress from Laura Ashley.

• There is nothing wrong with having a uniform. The staples (see the sidebar) are tools to help it be effortless to look nice. I know many women who have just a handful of items in their closet all of the same color story yet they always look pulled together. I know moms who are always rumpled, and those who always look crisp. I notice how some of my mother’s friends look a decade older than the others, and some who look a decade younger based just on hair and clothing.
  

• Like my good friend, I am not a “crisp” person. If I wear white, I will spill coffee on it. If I wear cotton, it will get wrinkled. My hair falls flat, I sweat, I eat off my lipstick. To battle this, I hardly ever buy things that need to be ironed. I rarely wear white, and I buy a lot of knits. I always carry a Tide to Go pen with me, and I have learned to wear my hair in a way that works with my afternoon-limp hair, not fight against it. Why spend money on things that contradict who you are and make you uncomfortable?
  

• My friend’s favorite color is purple, yet I don’t think she owns a single purple thing in her wardrobe. She lives in neutrals, yet is a primary color personality. It is possible to be simple, classic and comfortable in a blue top as much as it is to be so in a tan one. Wear what you like, and it usually looks far better than what you think is easy, safe or comfortable.
  

• If you love to travel, then show it with jewelry you pick up on your travels. Are you an artist? How will anyone know in your drab, neutral frocks? Be an extension of your works with the colors and patterns that you wear. Want people to believe you are smart and serious? Then wear smart and serious with clean lines, simple pieces and strong yet minimal accessories. Love the outdoors? You can be stylish and still wear clothes that let you hike and climb at a moment’s notice. Hate consumerism? You can show your beliefs and look good with great items from Goodwill or your sewing machine.
  

• Be mindful of what you buy. Before you ever spend a dollar on a piece of furniture, an item in your grocery cart, or a piece of clothing take a minute to stop and think. Visualize this thing in your life – imagine it on your body, your plate or your home. Does it bring you joy? Does it make you better? Does it work with your life or against it? You have to buy pants, you have to buy shoes. Why not buy that which works for you as well as with you? Life can be tough, taking a few moments to think before you spend can make the road a bit easier and more pleasurable to travel. And you never know, that moment of mindfulness may get you a promotion, a date or a faster drink at the bar!

Wednesday

Teal jersey dress from Proenza Schouler for Target, leopard peeptoe heels from BCBGirls, silver cuff bracelet.

hair was washed and conditioned by the Dove line for colored hair. Sexy Curly Hair's Curl boost applied, allowed to air dry for about an hour, then dried with a diffuser the rest of the way. The unruly pieces hit with a curling iron.

Makeup is Smashbox Photo Finish Primer, L'Oreal true Match foundation in C3, Chanel pressed powder in Natural applied with a brush, Smashbox Soft Lights in Tint. for eyes, I used the ivory shadow from the Revlon quad on inner corners of eye
s and brow bone. Golden Khaki shadow from The Body Shop on the lid, Peacock Green from The Body Shop in crease and along lash lines. Lashes curled and DiorShow Unlimited mascara in black applied. On lips is Victoria's Secret Lipgloss in French Kiss.