Over 40: What to Wear to a Black Tie Occasion

This year, I turned 50 and so did my best friend. For my 50th, I wanted to check Las Vegas off my bucket list. For hers, she wanted to go to a black tie occasion so she could get gussied up and wear the gorgeous gown she got on mega clearance and had tailored to perfection. I personally hadn't attended a black tie affair since before my teen was born and was curious to see what people, especially those over 40, would wear to a black tie occasion.

I have written before about dress codes and what to wear for special occasions, but that doesn't mean everyone understands or adheres to these codes. Also dress codes have been abused, taken out of context, and made extremely complicated and specific to achieve a certain aesthetic for the ‘gram. However, Black Tie dress code has been around for over a century and the concept hasn't changed.

What is Black Tie Dress Code?

Black tie attire is commonly requested for galas, balls, and weddings. It is also often worn for the ballet, the opera, ceremonies for membership organizations, special academic events, prom, symphony musicians, and special nights on cruise ships and at resorts. Black tie is only for evening occasions.

In the late 1800s, the Prince of Wales commissions Henry Poole & Co. to create a dinner jacket without tails. In 1886, tobacco magnate Pierre Lorillard wore this style of jacket to the Autumn Ball in Tuxedo Park, which is how it got its name and how it gained its popularity. After World War I, the tuxedo (worn with a black bow tie) became the standard for formal evening wear. Hollywood made the tuxedo and formal black tie attire popular, being regularly worn by stars like Fred Astaire, Frank Sinatra, and Cary Grant.

What is Black Tie Dress Code for Women?

While men have black tie dress code easy, women's black tie attire changes with the trends and times. However, it is always an outfit in a dressy, formal fabric with dressy shoes and accessories. Whether it is a Le Smoking or lady tux, a ballskirt with a tuxedo shirt, a floor-length gown, tea-length dress in a formal fabric, or a sparkly cocktail dress or jumpsuit, to dress in black tie dress code is to err on the side of formality, dressiness, and elegance.

Over 40: What to Wear to a Black Tie Occasion

The gala we attended had a “Black Tie Preferred” dress code. The attire of the attendees was so incredibly varied it is clear that even in a metropolitan city known for formality and tradition, very few know how to dress for a black tie occasion. And it's not about the dress (or the cocktail pantsuit, or the jumpsuit, or the ballskirt and top), it's how to accessorize and finish the black tie outfit. I hope this guide helps.

A dressy occasion requires a dressy purse

An expensive purse is not necessarily a dressy purse. Just because the bag has a fancy logo on it doesn't mean it is appropriate for a black tie event. Yet I saw many women sporting designer leather and suede shoulder bags and totes more appropriate for work or weekend and even though the bag was pricey, it was destroying the look.

A dressy purse doesn't have to be expensive. My tip is after the holidays, look for one on clearance. Also search for such bags when thrifting, shopping consignment, or visiting online resale sites. Choose one in your favorite metallic, in black, or in a favorite accent color in satin or beaded. A “dumpling” style gathered clutch, a box-style or minaudiere clutch, or a simple foldover clutch are relatively timeless, versatile options you can find at most any pricepoint.

Shop Evening Bags Under $150:

When you aren't using this bag, store it in a dust bag or an old pillowcase so the beads and hardware don't get dull and it stays looking new. If it is a soft style, consider keeping it gently stuffed with tissue or an old silky scarf so it doesn't get creased or bent. Whether you spend $5 or $500 on it baby the heck out of it and you can get years, even decades of stylish wear from it.

Opaque tights are not formal

I saw many women in beautiful cocktail dresses that were paired with thick opaque tights. Often black, some even chose opaque tights in the same color as their dress. And this look felt very dated and very inappropriate for black tie.

If you wish to cover your skin, consider a longer hemline. If you are choosing thick tights because it is cold, instead choose pants or wear a long coat. If for some reason you are walking in the snow to a black tie gala, then wear legwarmers or some other garments and tuck it into your coat when you provide it to the coatcheck.

Sheer hosiery can be black tie appropriate. A skin tone is always acceptable; those wishing to wear black or another color should tread lightly, choose a very sheer option and steer clear of patterns, seams, and fishnet.

Shoes make or break your black tie outfit

I know what it's like to have difficult feet. It's hard to find shoes that fit and are comfortable, let alone be dressy or stylish. But that doesn't mean you can wear a pair of Chelsea boots, sneakers, or UGGs to a black tie affair. But it also doesn't mean you have to wear heels. In fact, a bad pair of heels can be just as damaging to your look as UGGs.

• First of all, wear a shoe that you can comfortably walk in, dance in, and go up and down stairs in. If you're wobbling, you're not looking stylish, confident, or cool.
• Second, your shoe should follow the same rules as your bag: they should be of a formal fabric and not too big. That means no boots of any height, even if they are sequined or satin. It's better to wear a lower or no heel than a chunky heel, wedge, and/or platform sole.
• Your shoes should be in great condition. Just like your formal bag, formal shoes should be stored carefully to keep them pristine. Take to a cobbler or replace if damaged, and keep them for special occasions so they always at the ready.

For many of the women at this event, I thought they would have been better off with a pair of satin or sparkly flats than the shoes they wore. Seriously, a pair of dressy flats will look far better even with your knee-length cocktail dress than those nude block heel pumps, black patent ankle booties, red suede platform Mary Janes, or silver peeptoe wedges.

Formalwear should be wrinkle-free

I spent an hour the day before the gala steaming my dress, even though I hadn't worn it since I got it back from the dry cleaners this past June. It had been carefully hung in my closet, even still had the dry cleaning bag on it. Doesn't matter; wrinkled or improperly pressed formalwear won't fit right, won't hang well, and will completely ruin your style.

Ironing can be dicey, especially with formal fabrics. Do not think hanging the dress in the bathroom during a hot shower will get the job done. You need to invest in a garment steamer (this is the one I've had for years). If you don't have one and need one ASAP, reach out to your community. My city's Buy Nothing Group often has requests to borrow garment steamers and this makes sense if you're only wearing such clothing once in a long while. If you are on travel, ask your hotel ahead of time if it has a steamer to borrow; most resorts and cruise ships offer them as well as irons.

Steaming will take out wrinkles, smooth puckered hems, work with embellished and delicate fabrics, and even refresh garments that are holding scents from previous occasions. Pull the fabric taut and steam from the inside out for the best results. And don't forget to also steam the lining!

Underpinnings should be invisible

Bra straps should be hidden, panty lines should be nonexistent, waistbands of pantyhose and compression garments should disappear. Either get new undergarments, or get an ensemble that works with what you already own. There is no chic way to have undergarments on display for a black tie occasion.

For my orange one-shoulder gown, I wore the Wacoal Red Carpet strapless bra and a pair of Thigh Society slipshorts. This gave a smooth line under the silk chiffon while being comfortable. As grown women, I think we've earned the right to not get gas pains and red dents from compression garments; there are plenty of black tie looks that work with, not against the soft curves of a woman's body.

Fabric is more important than silhouette

Just because it's floor length doesn't mean it's formal. Cotton, linen, eyelet, spandex, ponte, leather, denim… these are not appropriate for black tie events no matter the silhouette of the garment.

Black tie fabric has shine, embellishment, ornate detail, or texture. Satin, velvet, silk, crepe, jacquard, lace, chiffon, taffeta… these are the kinds of fabric to look for when choosing black tie attire.

You don't have to wear black for black tie

While women have a more difficult time navigating a black tie dress code, they also have more freedom when it comes to color. You don't have to wear black. While deeper jewel tones and darker colors are usually preferred, you can really base it on the season and theme of the event.

For example, if the gala is for breast cancer research, feel free to wear any shade of pink. If it is an event for your alma mater, your school colors are an acceptable option. For a holiday event, brighter colors and shiner fabrics are festive and fun and in the spring and summer pastels and cheery colors look seasonally appropriate.

That being said, dress codes are like uniforms; they are created for celebrating in unison. Show your personality, but never try to stand out more than every other individual at the event.

If in doubt, ask the host

The host created the dress code, and wants you to adhere to it. Therefore, do not hesitate to contact them to confirm your outfit is appropriate.

• If it is a wedding and you do not wish to bother the couple, reach out to their parents or a member of the wedding party.
• For galas and annual events, enter the name of the occasion in a search engine and click to “images” and you can see pictures from past events and see what previous guests have worn. You can also search the event or the hosting company on social media platforms and see photos and video from past events for outfit inspiration.