Navigating Dress Codes as Grown Women

Let's talk about event dress codes for us grown women. Fashion is constantly changing, and so is society's opinions on what is appropriate to wear for different occasions. On top of this, there seems to be a million different types of dress codes. Yellowstone glam? Gatsby chic? Modern Bridgerton? As grown women, what we learned growing up may no longer be the “right” thing to wear for occasions. Some tips on navigating dress codes as grown women so we look appropriate, contemporary, respectful, but still very much ourselves.

Regarding Dress Codes in the U.S.

Please note, this is a guide for dress codes in the United States. Other countries may lean more or less formal in dress. That being said, dress codes in the U.S. are also affected by location. Those who live closer to metropolitan areas may find dress codes to skew more formal or dressy than in more rural parts of the country.

Do not be afraid to contact the event host for dress code guidance; they want you to be comfortable and fit in with the crowd and should be happy to offer suggestions. Also consider asking local bridal and formalwear boutiques as they will be familiar with what previous customers have purchased for similar events.

The Most Popular Dress Codes, Decoded

Below, I have a table of contents you can click and expand to see all the dress codes mentioned in this article. Each item in the table of contents is clickable; if you click on it you will navigate directly to that item.

And without further ado, the most popular dress codes, decoded:

Casual

Casual is often the dress code for backyard weddings, work-related barbecues, and some wedding and bridal showers that take place at the host's home, neighborhood park pavilion, or community room. Casual doesn't mean flip-flops, sweats, or pajama pants.

If you wear jeans, they should be a dark wash and free of distressing and holes, and fit nicely. Casual pants (chinos, ponte knit) are a great option as are cotton, corduroy, and denim knee- to midi-length skirts. Casual dresses like shirtdresses, t-shirt dresses, and sundresses work well for a casual dress code. Blouses, ironed button-front shirts, sweaters, and refined knits in work-appropriate fabrics fit a casual dress code.

Flats, loafers, espadrilles, and sandals in leather and suede are good choices. If you choose sneakers, consider fashion sneakers that aren't as athletic looking and add style to your look. If you need special shoes, look for subtle finishes that don't compete with your outfit.

When I think of a place to find casual dress code clothes for women, I think J. Crew Factory. Good size range, good price, stylish but not trendy, casual yet refined.

Business Casual

Business casual is a step up from casual, with a lean towards pieces that have a professional lean. While casual you may wear a spaghetti strap sundress, business casual you would choose a sleeveless or cap-sleeve option. Instead of sneakers and sandals, consider loafers, flats, and slingbacks. If denim, it should be dark wash, crisp, and not a skinny jean silhouette; check out trouser jeans for a smart choice.

Hemlines should be between the knee and the calf, and necklines should be a bit more conservative. This is not the time for sheer fabrics, unless the bodice is fully lined and/or it is underneath a solid layer.

A great place to find business casual is Banana Republic Factory, which offers Misses to size 20 with many looks available in petite and tall. I often find the fit and design better than its sister store, Banana Republic!

Dressy Casual

Dressy casual is one of the most difficult dress codes because it is often used incorrectly. Dressy casual is another term for semiformal, but in the past decade, dressy casual has been used as a term that is one step above business casual, but not yet semiformal.

Think dresses made out of crepe, silk, and with chiffon overlay that are styled with boots, flats, and sandals instead of with occasion shoes. Trousers with drape and a hint of shine styled with blouses and shells with beading and from evening fabrics. Pantsuits styled with shells and camisoles instead of work blouses and shirts.

Ann Taylor is a great destination for dressy casual, as they have suiting that is colorful and comes in fun silhouettes and can dress up, and dresses that are work-appropriate but can also look lovely for a dressy casual occasion.

Smart Casual

Smart casual is essentially business casual, without being so business-minded. Consider choosing brighter colors than you may for a work-related event, and don't shy from florals and other prints. Keep accessories elevated: replace your tote or crossbody for a shoulder bag, your sneakers for loafers or flats, your shorts for cropped trousers or a skirt.

Semiformal

Semiformal is a description that encompasses a lot. Depending on the time of day, semiformal can be a dress you'd wear to the office, or it could be the equivalent of cocktail attire. It is often used along with dressy casual and also cocktail. For evening, I'd say it's like cocktail with more coverage, and during the daytime, semiformal is more dressy casual.

Think knee- to midi-length dresses, skirts with blouses or dressy knits, and jumpsuits. Shoes can be leather instead of a dressy fabric, but should be more delicate, open, and/or elevated. A suit is appropriate, and can be workwear fabric with or without a tie. I like checking out Tuckernuck for semiformal looks that aren't ordinary.

Formal

Formal is often used interchangeably with black tie, but isn't as rigid a dress code. For men, this is a tuxedo and if they don't have a tux, it's a black suit. For women, the expectation is a floor-length gown, the dressiest of shorter cocktail dresses, or for those who prefer pants, an elegant Le Smoking.

Your bag should be a small one that is of a dressy fabric or embellished, and your shoes should also be of dressy fabric or embellished. With a floor-length gown, you can wear flat shoes, but they should still read formal. Dillard's is an excellent place to look for formal dresses.

Business Formal

Business formal is taking what one would wear for a formal situation and making it a bit more conservative. Consider sleeves, a longer hemline, a higher-cut back, softer or deeper colors, and while sequins and beading is still acceptable, it shouldn't be quite as “blingy” for a business situation. One should not steal the spotlight in a business formal situation.

Cocktail

Noticing a pattern that a lot of these dress codes are interchangeable? Cocktail attire is essentially a more elegant version of semiformal. While something semiformal could technically be worn to work or a house of worship, cocktail attire is clearly dressy and for a festive occasion.

While a classic crepe or silk little black dress is a safe bet, cocktail attire often is more flamboyant with shiny fabrics, brighter colors, and the occasional bling. That being said, this is not a time for sparkly sneakers, sequined knit tops, or otherwise bedazzled streetwear. A cocktail dress code is semiformal and occasionally seen as a step between semiformal and formal.

Cocktail is also occasionally used interchangeably with party; this is the same level of formality but with even more fun: bring out the sequins, beading, feather trim, shiny fabrics, and statement shoes. Consider using Rent the Runway to find a great cocktail dress for less.

Black Tie

Black tie is usually a floor length gown of a formal fabric (crepe, silk, beading, sequins, velvet, chiffon overlay, etc.) with men wearing tuxedos. However, over the years black tie has come to also include jumpsuits, cocktail pantsuits, and shorter dresses, only if they really read formal, dressy, elegant, and evening appropriate.

I've found a good rule of thumb for black tie when wanting coverage, is the more coverage, the dressier the fabric. If you want a high neck and/or long sleeves, that's okay but have it be beaded or sequined. Black is always safe, but black tie isn't color specific so as women we can have fun and wear brights, pastels, or most any color under the rainbow (unless it's the color being worn by the host, the mother of the married, or the people being married). Neiman Marcus has an entire department dedicated to black tie attire.

Black Tie Optional

Black tie optional is an alternative term for formal. These two terms are used interchangeably and you can wear the same looks.

Creative Black Tie

Creative black tie is very dressy, but with a fun spin on it. Leave your black gowns at home and play with color, print, and accessories. Add a matching feather boa, a pair of opera gloves, maybe a fascinator or sparkly statement earrings. This is an invitation to add plenty of joy to your formal attire.

White Tie

White tie is the most formal of them all. This is when you rock the true floor-length sweeping gown in a sumptuous fabric, add the white elbow-length gloves, a small clutch purse, and usually an updo decorated with a headpiece or tiara.

If you have never attended a white tie event, I would reach out to the host or another guest close to the host to ensure you're getting the look right. This isn't the kind of affair where you head to the mall the weekend beforehand to find something nice; it takes a lot of planning and preparation and best to consult with an expert before spending a single dime.

Creative Dress Codes

These days, there are a lot of creative dress codes that require a bit more interpretation and sense of creativity. A few of the most popular and some suggestions to help you navigate these modern dress codes:

Festive

Festive is used for a party or occasion based on a specific holiday or event. This means you are dressing to recognize it, but also dressing for a nice occasion. For example, if it's a December holiday party and the dress code is “festive,” you can wear an ugly Christmas sweater, but pair it with dress pants, a skirt, or something more fun like sequin trousers or a satin circle skirt. If it's a Super Bowl-themed party, again consider pairing your jersey with a dressier bottom, or buy sparkly football earrings to wear with a nice dress or pantsuit.

A festive party for Halloween doesn't mean you have to wear a full costume. Consider a black dress or nice trousers and top with dramatic makeup and coordinating headpiece to give the vibe of cat, witch, vampire, etc. Once, my sister and I went to a festive event for spooky season just dressed as colors; we wore a nice outfit and then wore boas, earrings, lipstick, and wigs in a single color.

I love Baublebar for finding sparkly festive jewelry. Each season, they switch up the selection to be appropriate for the current holidays and events and the quality is so good, if you store them in a Ziploc bag and don't get them wet, you can still rock them a decade from now.

Tropical, Destination, or Beach

For parties and weddings with a tropical, beach, or destination dress code, the usual vibe is breezy, flowing, and floral. Think dresses that will catch the sea breeze but still keep you covered, and shoes that can handle the sand. Midi- to maxi-length dresses in silk, rayon, and chiffon overlay will be lightweight but still dressy. Flat sandals in a metallic or skin tone that you can easily slip off are a good choice for shoes.

It may be hot and humid, and it may be windy; plan accordingly with hair and makeup that can work with the elements. This is an occasion where you don't need to look perfect; it's ocean breezy and your presence is the present!

Rustic Chic, Prairie, Ranch, or Barn Formal

Whether the occasion is taking place in a barn or at a ranch, or it's just the theme, the idea is that you can swish around on the dance floor but won't freak out if you have to step over some mud or horse dung. A safe bet is a floral midi-length dress with cowboy boots. For spring and summer, you can wear a pair of wedge sandals or espadrilles. Tiered skirts with blouses and large belts are also good; if you have a midi-length leather or suede skirt this is a great occasion to wear it.

If it is cold, you may wish to add a layer; depending on the formality of the event this could be a wool or cashmere wrap sweater, a denim or suede jacket, or even a faux fur shrug. Think what would Beth Dutton from Yellowstone wear to such an occasion, and make it fit for your vibe.

Western

These days, Western dress code can be jeans and a snap front shirt, or it can be a sequined cocktail dress. It's important to determine the formality of the occasion and have your clothes fit the formality, and then the theme. The one constant with a Western-themed dress code is a pair of cowboy boots. Yep, you can rock them with jeans and a Wrangler t-shirt, with a floral slip dress, a denim shirtdress, a silk shift, or a sequined cocktail dress.

Unless you're into sequined cocktail dress territory, another way to make your outfit “Western” is to choose silver and turquoise jewelry. Consider switching out a self belt for a concho belt or a belt with a big buckle. There's no need to wear a cowboy hat unless you want to; that being said if you're going with a guy it's a good idea he wears one regardless of the formality of his ensemble.

Garden

A garden party or garden-themed event is usually outside during mild to warm weather. Occasionally, it will be indoors in a solarium, botanic gardens, or other sunlit location. The typical attire for such an occasion is a floral dress, usually anywhere from below the knee to ankle in length, usually with some volume in the skirt. An alternative is palazzo pants with a blouse or a jumpsuit with full legs in floral or a pastel color.

Cotton is acceptable if the look is dressy (fuller skirt, decorative sleeves, structured bodice); fabrics like silk, crepe, taffeta, chiffon overlay, and lace are good choices. If it is your style, you can wear a hat or fascinator, though that is not necessary or expected in the United States.

For shoes, if it will be outside, consider wedges, low block heels, and flats to prevent sinking into the grass. Bring a cardigan or pashmina to ward off any chill. Bags are usually small, a clutch, handheld, or hanging from a delicate chain or skinny strap.

High Tea

High tea is if garden and semiformal had a baby and added a hat. Consider dressy casual to semiformal floral and soft colors of dresses, jumpsuits, and suits. Shoes are usually kitten heels or flats, though in warmer months, dressier heeled sandals are also acceptable. Again, choose a small bag: a clutch, a decorative handheld bag, or a smaller purse on a delicate chain strap.

For high tea, a hat or fascinator is expected. I love Etsy for such pieces, as I can usually find a seller that will craft one to match my ensemble and get it for a reasonable price. That being said, if you are crafty, this is something you can easily make from supplies found at your local Michael's.

Monochromatic

Monochromatic is sticking to a single color, but understanding not everyone can wear the same shade. Shades of baby pink to berry, ice blue to navy, aquamarine to teal, lavender to plum. I recommend focusing on solid-colored pieces, unless the entire print is shades of the color designated by the host.

When you are attending a specific color theme party (say a white party like Dîner en Blanc or Scarlet Night on a Virgin Voyages cruise), you want to stick to the actual color for the clothing, and then accessories can be an accent, but should either be in the same color story (red with pink accessories), or a metallic (white dress with silver sandals).

[Enter TV Show or Movie Name Here] Chic

These days, it is popular to be invited to an event which has a dress code around the theme of a TV show, movie, or limited series on streaming. The best way to figure out what to wear is to use your favorite search browser and enter, “[name of show] fashion for women” and then click to the “Images” tab.

The first row or two will be sponsored ads from retailers hoping you'll click and buy their clothes; those clothes may or may not fit the theme. But below that, you will see images that will guide you to articles like this that help you with that dress code, but also as you scroll through them you will get a general vibe of what the show is about.

This is the kind of dress code where it's good to check in with other attendees. While there will always be at least one person who will gi completely over the top with wigs and costumes, you may find the majority of folks are keeping it more subtle with the theme.

For example; for Bridgerton, you may be able to do just a longer floral dress, for Yellowstone some western or rustic chic fashion, for Gatsby, a sparkly headband and red lipstick with your not-so-little black dress.

Come As You Are

Come as you are is an open dress code hoping that you aren't restricted or financially affected by attended. The come as you are dress code is often used for after-work events to inform you that you don't need to change from your office attire. Because of this, expect folks to be dressed in casual to business attire with a sense of polish, since they knew they'd be socializing with others after the workday.

In Summary…

If you feel I have missed an important dress code, let me know in the comments. This, as well as all resources on Wardrobe Oxygen are working documents that are constantly updated with the latest trends and available options so we grown-ass women can know what's current and make decisions on what we give two f*cks about and what isn't deserving of our time and brain space.

I personally care a lot about dress codes. I feel dressing according to a host's preferences is a sign of respect and a gift. The host made a serious effort of time and money and your presence is a present if you participate. Ignoring dress codes is selfish. In this day and age, there are so many free resources to help you navigate dress codes (like this one). I hope this one shows you don't have to go out and buy a new wardrobe to respect the dress code of your next occasion!