About Last Night

Last night I went to bed upset. I literally cried myself to sleep, and I haven’t done that in years. I was upset about a situation at work, upset about how I haven’t been sticking to my Morning Pages, upset that I haven’t stuck to my health goals, and upset about the blog. Just while getting ready for bed, I received three comments, an email, and two comment form submissions that were disagreeing with me, negative, or downright troll-like.

“Alison, you know by now that you can’t please everyone,” Karl told me. And he’s right. If every blog post received positive comments I would feel there’s something wrong in the universe. But lately with the direction of the blogosphere, every critical reaction freaks me out and upsets me. It used to be fun to have a debate in the comments, now I worry that such a debate will go to one of the mommy boards where they will take the discussion from how they disagree to how I am gaining weight and my husband is gay. Or I worry that readers will think I wrote something controversial to spur pageviews and press as so many bloggers these days are known to do.

I told Karl, “Stuff like this takes the fun out of blogging.” I went to bed wondering why I still blog. I am not contracted to it, while it does bring in income for my family I could make the same amount getting a part time job at Starbucks or freelancing. Why should I let myself lose sleep over a hobby? Not the hobby, the people who have chosen to read my hobby and comment on it? This is stupid, it’s not worth it. I’m sick of being attacked each time I choose to not sanitize my words, write something that isn’t perfectly vanilla, be judged by each Instagram photo. I wanted to shut down my entire electronic self and go hide in a cabin and be a recluse in yoga pants with my husband and daughter.

This morning I woke at 5:30 to do my Morning Pages, and I cheated and checked email first. And I received this one from Mara Glatzel, a life coach whose emails I just signed up for the week prior. And it made me feel so much better, made me realize that I am letting the few hold me back. And that I am the reason for my unhappiness.

 
My work is not for those people.

How can I please those who find $2,000 skin care routines for billionaires to be too extravagant? I was going to write a whole long blog post about Martha Stewart’s percentage of her yearly income on skincare and charity, and then compare it to mine, and get all spiteful and snarky. How can I please those who find my wardrobe to be too expensive? I’m not going to change my personal style for a stranger in Arkansas. Do I really need to share my annual salary or percentage of my salary that goes to personal style to justify my blog? Why should I have to prove that my marriage is real to some anonymous folks on a message board when everyone who knows us in person can clearly tell we love each other? Why do I need to prove that I am a good mother, I don’t even have a parenting blog! Why change my message, the same general message I have had for the life of this blog, for the few? My work is not for those people.  The blogosphere is so vast, everyone can find a blog or blogger that appeals to them.

“How often do we keep ourselves small, pleasing everyone in our near vicinity, in order to prove to ourselves that we are good enough? That we've done a good enough job?”

Blogging is a hobby/profession where your success lies in how popular you are. Your pageviews, your followers on social media, your Klout score, your Alexa rating. To stay competitive it’s easy to fall into a trap in trying to please all the people all of the time.

“…something magic happens when you are willing to stand in your truth and say: I like myself for who I am and what I offer the world, and if someone doesn't want me that way, their lack of participation does not diminish my worth.”

If you find something I write offensive or stupid or silly or rude, I know there is a blog out there that is a better fit. I have no problem with you, I am not judging you, I want you to be happy and feel fulfilled so I encourage you to check out other blogs on the blogosphere. If you don’t like me as a person or question my marriage or parenting or personal style or writing style or how I decorate my home… that’s fine. Again, I want you to enjoy blogs, they are awesome. Do check out some blogrolls, do a bit of Googling and perusing of Bloglovin’ and I KNOW you will find your blogging soul mate. I can’t please you, and I am going to stop trying. It’s not healthy for either of us. We deserve to be happy.

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108 Comments

  1. Michele S
    February 4, 2014 / 5:27 pm

    HI there! I’m new to your blog but I love your style! I never comment on blogs, whether I agree with them or not but I wanted to say that I love the mix of topics and to encourage you to keep on blogging. 🙂

  2. JTro
    January 23, 2014 / 3:36 pm

    Allison, I am so sorry that you’ve been feeling down lately, I think we’ve all been there…whether it’s disapproving people in our personal lives, in business or in the blogosphere. Back in the day (pre-internet and social media) you could say something stupid, wear something unflattering or just have an “off” day and only a few people in your immediate circle would ever know. Now, everyone knows and everyone judges, especially if you have a public persona like you do. When I see people getting beat up like that, I always think to myself…how many freakin’ times have I said something I didn’t mean to, or something that didn’t sound so smart, or worn something really blah? Plenty…it’s just that nobody saw it or heard it. Let’s all give each other a freakin’ break. PS, I’m not saying that you’ve done any of these things…I think you are a terrific writer with a great sense of style, I’m just going off of what I gather mean people are saying to you.
    I am a makeup artist. People always ask me if it drives me crazy when people wear bad makeup. Well, of course it does! I have to hold myself back from whipping out cosmetics and giving makeovers…and make-unders, constantly! Do I walk up to them and TELL them their eyebrows look like Sharpie marks, or their lipstick color makes them look dead? No, of course not! I definitely don’t troll websites commenting on lack of makeup skills. I follow a few social media boards and such and when people ASK for advice, I gladly give it, but unless someone has booked a lesson and asks directly for my input, I’m not sayin’ jack….life is hard enough without random people telling you you’re doing something “wrong”. I’m so puzzled by people who A. have the time to have such a busy and negative internet life and B. feel like they are in a position to throw down judgments and opinions without being asked. Weird, and sad. Meanwhile, you have a job, a child, a husband and what looks like a great life…just live it, sister, and don’t worry about those weirdos hunched over their laptops looking for things to criticize.
    I am continually on a journey to stop giving a crap about what anyone else thinks. As a nice person, a people pleaser…that’s not easy and I think we all struggle with it. When I manage to let it go and just be me, I’m much happier. Chin up….ignore the haters and jealous people and just be true to you. When you’re authentic, your fans will find you and stick by you. : )

  3. SE
    January 20, 2014 / 12:23 am

    I love this blog and your attitude and your take on life. Lord, I wish the nasties and the trolls and the uptight, humorless folks sending you hurtful emails and comments would just work on their own damned life. I get so frustrated when I see what some of my favorite bloggers have to put up with.

    I hope you can see, with all these heartfelt comments, how much we love and admire you. And I really, really hope you can just hit delete, quickly, for anything that isn’t kind.

  4. Lisa
    January 19, 2014 / 5:10 pm

    “You can’t please everyone- You have to please yourself.”

  5. Zunni
    January 19, 2014 / 7:33 am

    I feel represented by your blog, and validated, in a way that few other blogs can manage.

  6. Ahuva
    January 19, 2014 / 7:31 am

    I love your blog. I find it really inspiring, as your highlighting a real-women, and not a model. It gives me a lot of inspiration to go out in the world, and be bold, regardless of my clothing size. In fact, today I almost wore a “band” t-shirt, under a jacket, with jeans. But chickened out. I ended up with a black t-shirt, under a jacket, with jeans, but you were still my inspiration :-). I should have worn the band t-shirt. Now I’m thinking my look is a little boring… Maybe next time.

  7. January 18, 2014 / 9:10 pm

    Great to see that you’re getting so much support here Alison. I wanted to offer the same. The negative voices are ALWAYS the loudest and you tend to listen to them the most. Why is that, when they are the vast minority? I wonder if you follow Seth Godin at all. He wrote a wonderful piece about that just recently, but I can’t find that article. so I offer you another one from him. http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/01/the-cost-of-neutral.html Definitely recommend following him as he moves you forward. I hope you you can just ignore the nay sayers. They are truly not worth your energy. Also good luck with the artist way. Although I don’t really feel stuck, I bought it anyway because I wanted to know what you’re talking about and I had heard so much about this book, I knew I would at least learn something. See? That’s the kind of positive influence you have!

  8. Marty
    January 18, 2014 / 9:09 pm

    I just discovered your blog and am enjoying it very much. Thanks for this affirmation for keeping on with it.

  9. Elena Salinas
    January 18, 2014 / 2:21 pm

    Alison, I just want to say that I love your blog, I’ve been following it for maybe 5 years by now and it’s one of my favorites ones,and I think that with mean comments or people your should say what we say here in Mexico city: “a la chingada!!” which is something like “fuck them!” , your blog is real, smart and funny.
    by the way, I miss your mom blog (I know you had your reasons to canceled it)
    Keep going! you’re such a good blogger.
    Hechele ganas! =)

  10. Christine
    January 18, 2014 / 10:21 am

    People are just not polite these days. What happened to the golden rule? I think most of the complainers are just envious. You have a wonderful family, a great job, and you are amazingly good at keeping a balance in your life. You’ve been such an inspiration for me; you always look amazing. It’s helped me to accept my body while not obsessing over it. Thank you for continuing the blog, and don’t let the trolls get you down. I know, easier said than done. I would completely understand if you needed a “blog vacation” but you had better come back. Take care, Christine xo

  11. Danielle
    January 17, 2014 / 9:26 pm

    Allison, you are such a sweetie and so down-to-earth. Can I give you some real straight talk advice? Sometimes you just gotta tell some people to f**k off. Trolls are bullies. And when you stand up to a bully, you show them that they ain’t playing with no prissypants and they wil back the f**k down. That delete key is your best friend. You are not obligated in any way to indulge those comments and you don’t owe anyone any explanation whatsoever if you choose to delete or ignore ugly people and ugly comments. They only do it because they know it bothers you. Don’t bow down to society’s dictates that you aren’t “nice” if you don’t acknowledge every person and every comment. Their ugliness is a reflection of the state of their life and their character. If you want to be nice, pity them, but don’t indulge or acknowledge them.

    AND I want to beat those people up for you, lol. Let me at ’em, lol.

  12. meghan
    January 17, 2014 / 6:24 pm

    Dear Allison,
    I’m struggling with how to say this to you in a positive manner.
    Let me start by saying I really like your blog. It is the only fashion blog I follow and I religiously check it daily. That said, I’m starting to consider moving on – not because I don’t appreciate your style or your writing but because there seem to be so many posts along this ilk lately.
    I can empathize that it must be really hard to receive the criticism you describe. You are an incredibly brave soul to put yourself “out there” as you do. I mean that with all sincerety. I believe you are what Brene Brown describes when she writes of “Daring Greatly.” Kudos to you. I hope to someday have your courage.
    However, I must question your motives for blogging. Over the last couple months, it seems clear to me that you don’t really enjoy it. Why, then, do you continue? The reality is that many people are mean on the internet. We could debate why that is or wish it were otherwise but it will remain the reality. If you can’t deal with the incivility being directed at you (I certainly couldn’t) then why continue? It seems fruitless and, frankly, depressing to continue to complain and wish it were otherwise.
    Even reading the above post leads me to wonder. Although you purport not to want to care about others’ opinions, did you write the above in the hopes that you would get enough positive responses to cheer you up or motivate you to continue blogging? It seems like the dangerous flip side of the same coin.
    I hope you will continue blogging but only if you can do so with a joyful heart. Otherwise, maybe it’s time to move on. As a faithful reader, it feels uncomfortable to me to continue to follow the blog when it so clearly is causing you pain. I’m not sure I will continue.
    Sincere best wishes,
    Meghan

    • January 17, 2014 / 6:41 pm

      Because I have been blogging since 2005 and I love to write, I love to connect with my readers, I love to help my fellow women. I love blogging, I love the whole concept of it.

      I do not love the influx of bloggers all about the money, affecting the whole blogging environment. I do not love how people have gained even more confidence with their anonymity, becoming even more viscous to the point of affecting bloggers’ personal lives. I don’t love how it has gone from the occasional criticizing comment or troll on a blog to where people seem to dedicate their lives to find out as much as they can about a blogger, obsess about them, figure out how best to hurt them, and do what they can to shut them down. I know I only mentioned a couple comments, but that was just in the time it took me to get upstairs, wash my face, brush my teeth and change my clothes. I can’t even imagine how it is for bigger bloggers.

      I didn’t write hoping for a bunch of positive comments, I mainly wrote because I know from conversations with other bloggers that it isn’t just me feeling and experiencing all this. We bloggers put on a happy veneer because that’s what sells. We’re losing our voices and personalities for fear of losing pageviews or sponsors. And that’s not what a bunch of us want blogging to do to us, and I don’t think readers want it to happen either. So I started using the blog not just as a place to share advice and personal style, but a platform to say what a lot of others are scared to say and by doing that I feel better for using a blog for what I feel it was originally intended, an online journal, but also saying what others can’t or won’t but wish they could say.

      December was tough, this month has had rocky patches, but having a place where I can share my thoughts and learn from others is healing and inspiring. I do have a joyful heart and blogging helps me feel that way. I feel incredibly blessed, and am so happy that I have blogging and the people I’ve met through it in my life. But I am not sunshine and rainbows all the time, I’m a human. Many bitch and moan to their friends over a glass of wine about their job, their significant other, their finances. I’ve just done it on here lately about the job that I share with all of you. I won’t be bitching and moaning every week forever, but I’m not going to hide the business side of what I share with all of you.

      • Jenny
        January 17, 2014 / 9:13 pm

        I like that you are honest and don’t try and hide the truth of what goes into running this blog. I started reading for wardrobe advice, but your writing is what has kept me coming back for the last three or four years. I enjoy all your stories – kid, husband, work, blogging, clothes, whatever. I appreciate you making me laugh and think, and in return, I’m happy to listen to you bitch and moan.

      • Meghan
        January 18, 2014 / 1:16 am

        This is Meghan again. Wow, that an extremely well-reasoned yet personal response. I really commend you. I feel like I understand your (and others) pain so much better. Thank you for the explanation. Please continue to follow your heart.

        Meghan

  13. Danielle
    January 17, 2014 / 5:40 pm

    Stay you! I like you! Can we be BFFs?

  14. Patti
    January 17, 2014 / 4:35 pm

    Please don’t leave! I love your voice here and even though it feels silly to say this, I trust you! I trust you to tell us the truth about things…like beauty products, if I can wear brown with black, what to wear to an office party, you know all the important stuff! You’re like the sister that tells it like it is. I really appreciate that…and need it!

  15. Terry Tamari
    January 17, 2014 / 4:05 pm

    Just a little note to say you are one of my favorite bloggers, precisely because you are so real and offer real, smart opinions. I’m an “outsider” to the blogosphere (meaning I don’t have a blog myself) and find the whole world a little bizarre, but I admire you for being one of the few dark horses who face the challenges it presents with class and integrity. You seem to write for all types women, not only other bloggers. Thanks for being a great inspiration.

  16. AK
    January 17, 2014 / 3:31 pm

    Allison, I’m sorry you are having a difficult week. I don’t even have a blog, but a question of mine to a blogger was posted yesterday and I have been reading the comments. (yours was the first comment, and I appreciated your support). I am stunned by how judgmental people are about a simple question and the person who asked it. I’m pretty strong, but I don’t think I could handle the vitriol that seems to come with blogging. WTF. People thought I was petty, needed counseling, or had childhood issues. It was hard not to comment back to every single comment, but I mostly restrained myself. The blogger who posted my question is someone I respect and she felt bad that my comment sparked some nasty comments. Who are those people?

    I enjoy your blog and seeing how your style develops. I get a lot of inspiration from you and wish you the best.

  17. Julie Mann
    January 17, 2014 / 3:03 pm

    I read and enjoy your blog every day. Just sending you a hug from the UK x

  18. January 17, 2014 / 2:29 pm

    Just chiming in to add to the chorus of ‘you’re awesome, don’t change a thing!’. I do hope you print out some of these comments and put them where you can see them and let them soak into you. They say it take 7 positives to outweigh a negative – I think you’re making that ratio by now so let the positive comments do their work (and rest up and get well!).

  19. Jessica
    January 17, 2014 / 1:15 pm

    I am sad but not surprised to read that you are getting hateful emails and comments. Technology, while wonderful in so many ways, gives too many individuals a feeling of anonymity and some kind of misplaced power. They type and post things they would possibly never say to someone in person, forgetting that there is a REAL PERSON on the other end of that comment that is going to read that comment and have feelings and opinions about it. I’ve found that in the real world, these commenters are often pretty unhappy, sometimes even downright miserable in own life, and they do these kinds of things in a misplaced attempt at self soothing.

    I, for one, am incredibly grateful that your blog exists and that you are as open on it as you are. I have gone from a school administrator to a stay at home mom of 3 young children. I’m now considering going back to work in some form, and I have enjoyed reading your blog through all of my transitions. Your writing is honest and more often than not, spot on with your observations, advice, and just general thoughts on life. They say it takes 8 positive comments to negate one negative comment…. and although I am only one person, I am happy to see that others have spoken up as well. Know that you have a huge community of supporters that love what you write…all of it….uncensored and un “prettified”.

    Jessica
    Chesapeake Beach, MD (because I don’t believe in hiding behind my computer, I’m putting my town and state!)

  20. January 17, 2014 / 1:02 pm

    Wow – her I am the 81st comment. As I’ve told you many times before, I love your blog and you’ve had a great positive impact on me. You’ve encouraged me to take that extra minute that makes me look put together. I won’t give you advice but I will remind you of a post you wrote a while ago where you referred to not checking your e-mail before bed. So, I take that back – I will give you advice to tell you to take your own advice. I’ll also add that frustrations at work are THE worst – they seem to affect me like no other does.

  21. Michelle G
    January 17, 2014 / 12:40 pm

    Love the blog for fashion inspiration and apparently I need to sign up for those life coach emails too! Anyway, a quote I have stuck right in my face over and over recently is ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. Seriously, on my phone, on my mirror, my steering wheel…everywhere!

  22. January 17, 2014 / 11:43 am

    Your unique, non-cookie cutter point of view is what makes you special and wonderful. Last week I saw this:
    “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” Hang in there, my friend!

  23. Karen
    January 17, 2014 / 11:21 am

    I’m sorry that you’ve been attacked, it’s totally not fair, or right or any of that. What I do know, after spending some 10 odd years on a message board is there are a lot of people out there who say mean and spiteful things just because they have a mean and spiteful spirit. Please try not to let it get to you, but I understand it can be so wearing! Take encouragement from all who are leaving supportive comments, you are a great writer and fabulously stylish, don’t let them get you down!

  24. Sheila Ryan
    January 17, 2014 / 11:05 am

    Be you. End of debate. You are the ONLY blog I follow.

  25. Sarah
    January 17, 2014 / 10:52 am

    Allie, thanks for writing your blog. You’re right, you don’t have to do it. But I’m glad you do. It’s great to see an intelligent woman balance her interest in fashion with a full life and career. Keep doing it as long as it makes you happy, and I’ll keep reading.

    And I know this is a ridiculous expression, but haters gonna hate. Some people just don’t know how to relate to the world without cutting other people down. I should be kind-hearted and feel sorry for them. Usually I just wish they’d get excruciating diarrhea.

  26. Elizabeth Millsaps Merkel
    January 17, 2014 / 10:41 am

    I’ve read you for years without commenting, but I had to say something today.
    I love your style, and I enjoy reading your blog for that reason, sure, but I really love how comfortable you are in your skin. I am regularly motivated by you to be more comfortable with me, and to focus on the positive.

    Thank you for doing that for me.

    I’m sorry asshats are getting the best of you. Put on some fabulous lippie and great tunes and laugh at your sweet daughter and ignore the rest!!

  27. Mel
    January 17, 2014 / 10:11 am

    I am so sorry that you had a rough night and so happy that you found your center this morning. I just want you to know that I love, love, love your blog and I appreciate you.

  28. Versatilestylebytracey
    January 17, 2014 / 10:00 am

    I am so glad you had inspiration that helped change your perspective on this! Don’t let the few make you dim your light for the many! I have a tool I’ve used for years based on a quote I heard once, “consider the source…” meaning Is it coming from someone who you would seek counsel from or someone you trust? Unfortunately there are toxic people in the world and they have no value in your life, if they were in your personal life you wouldn’t let them in , so same goes for the blogging world. Sending virtual hugs!!!!

  29. Teresa Kerr
    January 17, 2014 / 9:34 am

    Alison, I am SO glad you awoke to a message that reminded you that you are indeed superb, just the way you are. It is sad that some folks do seem to choose deliberate provocation rather than turning to one of the billions of other blogs out there, should they not happen to agree with something in yours.
    I happen to THOROUGHLY enjoy your blog, and I thank you for the effort it takes to share with us, your readers. Periodically, I go through my personal blog roll and drop those that are no longer of interest… So easy, and harmless to all.
    Hold on to YOUR joy and enjoyment and the loves in your life!
    With gratitude, Teresa!

  30. bsmeany
    January 17, 2014 / 9:05 am

    Gah, I am so over internet trolls! Spitting spite and jealousy and downright meanness everywhere! Mean people suck and they’ll always be out there, remember it has nothing to do with you. I absolutely adore your blog, it makes me smile on days when I don’t feel like I have a lot to smile about…I am very grateful for you and your blog.

  31. Sallie
    January 17, 2014 / 8:48 am

    Hi Allison! I another one of your fans…I only read three blogs (after years of reading many, I decided to cull it down) and yours is one of my favorites! Please don’t change a thing. I appreciate your honesty and I love your wardrobe ideas. I get SO many wonderful tips from you. As my husband always tells me when I get some type of ‘constructive criticism’ (ha!): “Don’t let the turkeys get your down”. And it’s true. Keep on being true to yourself. Thanks so much for all that you do!

  32. Gayle
    January 17, 2014 / 8:03 am

    One of my favorite sayings: “Don’t try to win over the haters. You are not the JERK Whisperer!” The previous commenter who compared life blogging to a reality show (and your response) was very interesting and I guess very true. To a point. If I watch a reality show and I don’t like the show, I change the channel and don’t watch the show again. I don’t go to the website and spew nasty comments about the premise of the show; I find another show I do like. Time and again, you have invited readers to provide comments including constructive criticism or differing points of view. Having discussions with different points of view is one thing; spiteful, mean, nasty, rude, snarky behavior is something completely different. It seems to run rampant on the internet and just keeps getting worse. I guess that is what certain people consider a “hobby”. I hate to imagine what living that kind of life is like.
    With love, from a HAPPY reader! xo

  33. Nicolle in Australia
    January 17, 2014 / 5:15 am

    I’ve been a long time follower too and I adore your content – its often thought provoking and relevant. Please don’t change, grow and develop, yes, but that it is a positive… unlike the haters who will stagnate and rot, pooh to them.

  34. Amynut
    January 17, 2014 / 1:35 am

    I love your blog, too. I’m old enough to be your mom but your style rocks and your lifestyle, too! Ignore the haters.

  35. Jess
    January 17, 2014 / 1:01 am

    Unfortunately people tend to be more motivated to post when they disagree, but just not quietly at home when they agree. Know that for every negative comment you get, there are any of us sitting at home thinking positive things that we just don’t share. And thank you so much for allowing us into your life, and that of your lovely family. It is a privilege.

    • Jess
      January 17, 2014 / 1:03 am

      “nod” quietly at home, not “not”

  36. pragmacat
    January 17, 2014 / 12:31 am

    I very rarely comment here, but wanted to chime in with some positivity. I adore your blog, particularly when you are unfiltered (or at least less filtered). I may not engage often in the comments, but you and Shakesville are my first reads each and every morning. Thank you for what you do. That being said, just because I love your contribution to the internet doesn’t meant that you are now required to keep blogging. Do what you need to do – for you only. Much love!

  37. January 17, 2014 / 12:01 am

    You rock Allie, seriously. Finding your blog was a fantastic/useful/fun/inspiring thing for me this past winter. I love how real you are and I look forward to reading you every day!

  38. Erin
    January 16, 2014 / 11:51 pm

    I recently discovered your blog and I love it. I have spent the past few days reading through the archives and I think you are smart, authentic, and I love your style. I wish there were more like you. I am so sick of snarky, hateful blogs and commenters.

  39. Stephanie
    January 16, 2014 / 10:58 pm

    Thank you for standing up and saying this. I love your blog and just want you to be you!

  40. jane
    January 16, 2014 / 10:51 pm

    Thank you for your blog. I read it every day and recommend it to my friends. You are a positive, analytical, and a wonderful example. Just ignore the negative and keep helping us to understand how we can present ourselves well.

  41. Jennifer
    January 16, 2014 / 10:25 pm

    Allison– I’m a long time reader and first time commenter. I love your blog. I think you are brilliant. You go girl. You are definitely on the right track.

  42. Momo
    January 16, 2014 / 10:10 pm

    Love your blog! Love your voice. Love your look.

  43. January 16, 2014 / 9:58 pm

    I have work that I consciously sell to others – I get paid a decent rate for that writing, & sometimes I put my name on it, sometimes I don’t (depending on the terms of the contract & how I feel about the work itself). But anything on my blogs is my own, 100%, not beholden to a single person in the world other than me. So I fully agree with you when you say “My work is not for those people.” You put your work & your name out here for yourself. Readers choose to come along for the ride — they are not paying you for your services, so if they don’t like what they read, they are welcome to click away & read something else. Complaining to you is frankly a waste of their time. I always think ppl who get huffy at bloggers need to go get their own hobbies.

  44. Debby
    January 16, 2014 / 9:56 pm

    I love your blog! If something doesn’t fit my life, I move on. I’ve loved your style, attitude, and your sense of fun. Keep going and do your own thing, as we used to say. I am 60 years old, and your blog transcends age.

  45. January 16, 2014 / 9:49 pm

    I guess I’m just old-fashioned. I was raised with and live by the mantra of “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I would never, ever post of someone’s blog and criticize what they wear or their husband or their parenting (I’d love to know what problem they had with the way you raise or represent Emerson). Why? What’s the point? How does it make me feel better to be hateful to someone else?

    I don’t want people to kiss my ass, but there’s a time and a place and a way to approach everything. How does your weight negatively affect my life? I think that’s my problem with negative comments/emails/etc. If I’m not hurting you, then let it go. I guess I also live by the “golden rule” as well. I try to imagine how I would feel if someone said something cruel to me, and frankly, it doesn’t feel good.

    It’s not about being a blogger or a public figure. Just because you make money from this blog doesn’t mean people are allowed to judge every aspect of your life. Bloggers, reality stars, celebrities, still at the core, we are all human, and as humans it hurts to have someone not like you/hate you for no reason. I, for one. completely commiserate, and you know how much I respect and look up to you, and I know things will get better!

  46. Alex
    January 16, 2014 / 9:45 pm

    I’m a working mother, and I love your blog. Your writing is terrific; your fashion advice and outfits are inspiring; and your advice (and blog) helped me crawl out of the deep, dark hole of PPD and loathing my post-partum body, and return to enjoying clothes and dressing professionally and pleasingly.

    • Carolina
      January 17, 2014 / 11:16 am

      Me too re the PPD and not liking the post-partum body!! Glad you are feeling better too.

  47. Dee
    January 16, 2014 / 9:05 pm

    I don’t blog, so I have no idea how it feels to be on the receiving end of what must at times seem like a personnel attack. You don’t need to justify or defend yourself to anyone, particularly someone that can hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen. Like my mom always said about kids that were mean or not nice – just ignore them. There will always be people that don’t like you, but there will always be people that do like you and do love you. Your blog is one of my favorites – keep up the excellent posts!

  48. fashionforgiants
    January 16, 2014 / 8:57 pm

    Oh, dear. I’m so sorry you’re having a rough go of it. But, you’re right. If someone doesn’t like your blog, they should go elsewhere. I personally love your blog and think you’re great and don’t care how much you spend on anything ever.

  49. Wendy
    January 16, 2014 / 8:29 pm

    Allison, one of the joys of my day is checking in to see what you’re talking about on your blog. You keep it real in a way that is funny at times and always easy to relate to. Continue doing you, and the haters will find another place to take their negativity.

  50. vru
    January 16, 2014 / 8:24 pm

    Hi Allison, I have been reading this blog for more than 2 years now and I cannot tell you how much it has improved my personal style and in general my confidence. I always look forward to your posts and gain much knowledge about things that are new to me. I get a new perspective. I enjoy reading your blogs. Please don’t stop writing those. You seem to be a very genuine person to me. Thanks for all the knowledge and joy you share every day.

  51. vru
    January 16, 2014 / 8:20 pm

    hi

  52. Ginger DeBrosse
    January 16, 2014 / 8:17 pm

    I enjoy your blog and find it delightful. Do not let strangers steal your joy. Then you are giving them power over you and they are certainly not worth that. Stay strong, you’re wonderful!

  53. Meera Khanna
    January 16, 2014 / 8:05 pm

    I love reading your blog! Its great to read something that brings a smile to my face.

  54. Erika
    January 16, 2014 / 8:01 pm

    Says more about them than you. You’re an honest writer and that is valuable. You have great style and make it accessible – which helps others figure out their own. Don’t stop believing.

  55. Melissa Morrison Fernandez
    January 16, 2014 / 7:52 pm

    Allie, I have followed you for years. I have enjoyed each and every post. I don’t comment that often, but believe me when I say you have become part of my daily life and I rather consider you “family” of sorts. And recently you unknowingly threw out a lifeline to me with your suggestion of participating as a group in “The Artist’s Way” journey. Please, Don’t doubt yourself. Believe in your followers like we believe in you! We ALL are on a journey…even if negative people are afraid to admit it, and isn’t that really at the bottom of all negativity? Fear? Bless your heart for having such a hard time. I, for one, raise a glass of my favorite Merlot to you, right this very minute.

  56. Dawn
    January 16, 2014 / 7:40 pm

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with such nasty people. I love your blog and your voice. You’ve helped me immensely, and I figure if you’ve helped just ONE person, which I’m certain you’ve done many times over, a million haters can’t undo that.

  57. maryjan
    January 16, 2014 / 7:33 pm

    You’re one of my favorite people on the internet — you’re intelligent, funny and seem like you’d be awesome to hang out with. I’m happy whenever I see a new post of yours in my Feedly — your blog is one of only a handful that have truly held my interest for years. I’m sorry things were rough yesterday and I understand your defensiveness….everyone has a limit to the amount of negativity they can take. I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy what you do.

  58. Lisa
    January 16, 2014 / 7:32 pm

    You are one of 3 blogs that I read…I enjoy your point of view. I don’t always agree, but then you usually have given me something to think about. I rarely comment because I don’t think to…I just like to read it. I think that may be the vast majority of your readers. Having said that, I am not sure why people are nasty either— STOP READING IF YOU DON”T LIKE IT! Just wanted to send a warm fuzzy to you and let you know that those of us not responding might just be smiling and enjoying.

  59. graceatwood
    January 16, 2014 / 7:17 pm

    Amen. You do you. Like you said, if others don’t like it, they can go elsewhere. It blows my mind how strangers feel the need to leave comments like this…. some people just have entirely too much time on their hands!

  60. January 16, 2014 / 7:09 pm

    Allie, I’ve been following your blog for years now. I’m in my mid-thirties and it’s hard to find great, quality blogs aimed toward our age group.
    On the blogging note, if you really are not happy with aspects of blogging than you should part ways. You could always just use Instagram to post daily outfits. In my opinion, I have noticed over the past years that there seems to be a setback for women to empower other women. Where are all the “Survivor(Beyonce) or Girl Power(Spice Girls)” women that are independent and uplift their fellow girlfriends? They’re too busy watching “reality” shows like the Bad Girls Club, The Real Housewives, or the Kardashian clan and actually thinking this is a way of life and that’s how they should act. There are always going to be haters and trolls. But if it effects your well-being or it evolves your family in a negative way than that is something you should look at.
    I love your blog and would hate to see you go. I know you will make the right decision for you. Good luck!

  61. N. L.
    January 16, 2014 / 6:57 pm

    I admire your writing skills. I admire your parenting skills. I admire your blog. I admire you and only wish I can strive to have a decent blog like yours. You are smart person. You are a good person. You are you!!!
    Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

  62. January 16, 2014 / 6:45 pm

    I need to make a quick comment and let you know that the comments that upset me are not the ones currently on the Martha post. While those arrived after others and compounded my upset, them alone are valid criticism and I welcome them.

  63. Lindsay
    January 16, 2014 / 6:44 pm

    Thought I’d take this time to share with you that I was thinking the other day about how quickly you have become one of my favorite bloggers. I recently discovered your blog and check it constantly for posts. I have also been working my way through the archives. You seem like the kind of person I would want to know in real life, and I wanted to thank you for keeping it real and sharing pieces of yourself with us!

  64. GoddessMel
    January 16, 2014 / 6:42 pm

    Well I for one would miss you if you stopped your blog Allie 🙂 Your husband is right, you can’t please everyone. And if it all becomes a burden, or makes you unhappy, then stop. You have found something that you obviously love to do and it would be a shame for a few trolls to ruin it for you. *hugs*

  65. Ginger
    January 16, 2014 / 6:38 pm

    Everybody loves to hate Martha Stewart, don’t take it to heart.

    I’ll bet Beyonce spends more than that on her hair alone!

  66. January 16, 2014 / 6:36 pm

    This rocks. Seriously. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing this with us. xoxox

  67. michele harrison
    January 16, 2014 / 6:33 pm

    Love your blog and this post made me realize that I should take the time to let you know. Don’t waste your energy on things that are not worth the effort and that you can’t control .I have finally learned that at age 55 so you have a few more years of practice to come!

  68. KatieinMA
    January 16, 2014 / 6:29 pm

    Can I give you a hug? Because whenever I see that theres a new post here I love it. We’re all sitting out here as a silent majority, I swear!

  69. Laura Banks Lewis
    January 16, 2014 / 6:25 pm

    You go girl!!

  70. Carolina
    January 16, 2014 / 6:22 pm

    I just wanted to tell you that I LOVE this blog. I check it multiple times a day because I like your voice. For almost two years after having my baby, I didn’t like getting dressed anymore. Your refreshing attitude changed that for me. I now enjoy putting together outfits again, experimenting with accessories, and thinking “what would Ali do with this?”. It may seem like a small thing, but you’ve brought me joy. I probably don’t agree with every opinion that you have, but variety and difference are fun. Don’t let the haters bring you down. You do you, because you do you very, very well.

  71. Fiona Hiles
    January 16, 2014 / 6:07 pm

    good for you! I love your blog and look forward to reading it each morning (I live in Australia and always look forward to reading new posts from US bloggers with my breakfast). I love that you write what is really going on for you – after all its your blog and you get to write whatever you want on it. Sorry to hear about the negative comments.

  72. Kathy Frazier
    January 16, 2014 / 5:39 pm

    Do you want to know WHY I check your blog daily? Because you are REAL. You don’t sugar-coat things, you don’t try to be perfect, you don’t try to PRETEND everything is perfect like so many bloggers do (and that pretending is seriously annoying). I keep coming back day after day because you are a real woman, with real concerns, a real life. I just want to thank you for being one of the very few bloggers who are genuinely real. Thank you!!

  73. Lynn
    January 16, 2014 / 5:31 pm

    I teach and sometimes the on-line student evaluations get taken over by trolls. I know it’s their problem and not mine, but it upsets me. I don’t mind thoughtful criticism, but trolling is so destructive. I love your blog and your honesty, so please try not to let it get to you.

  74. Jess
    January 16, 2014 / 5:24 pm

    I just wanted to add that I read for your voice and personality as well. I love hearing what you think about different issues. In the last few years as your style has evolved it is not as similar to mine as it once was. I am still very interested in how you develop your personal style as it helps me develop my personal style. I say delete those comments and forget them. Those people can move on and bother someone else. There are many more people who are delighted to hear what you have to say!

  75. brazenspider
    January 16, 2014 / 5:01 pm

    Hi – I’ve read your blog for a few years and I really appreciate it. I don’t often comment, but I’m sure there are tons of people like me that don’t comment yet really appreciate the time you put into the blog. I’m always amazed at how put together you look.

  76. January 16, 2014 / 4:50 pm

    OMG – I don’t think I have ever commented here. I don’t have a personal style blog or follow more than 4 style bloggers. But I came across yours a few months ago and I love it. I love your style, you ability to be personal yet keep it classy, how you also present your ideas here. I think you’re beautiful and I read all your posts. Please, don’t let that vocal 1 percent get you down as there is a huge more introverted 99 percent that get you 🙂

    Tanya Patrice
    Girlxoxo.com

    • January 16, 2014 / 5:16 pm

      Actually you have commented here before, even commented this week but I thank you so much for your comment on this post, it is very sweet.

  77. Adrien
    January 16, 2014 / 4:50 pm

    Thanks for writing this. I think your blog is consistently the best among style/fashion blogs and I KNOW how hard it is to have to constantly defend everything you post about. But, your voice is true and Karl is right – you can’t please everyone. Just keep being you. You have lots of fans.

  78. Sarah Destrehan
    January 16, 2014 / 4:48 pm

    Some people just need to learn to keep their mouths shut. There’s an art to commenting even if you’re annoyed about something a blogger wrote. if I don’t like something and I want to respond then I take a second and think about whether what I want to write is helpful or relevant and not just rude or spiteful. I wish more people did this. Sadly, it’s probably a sign that you’re perceived as a successful blogger–I sure think so :). I hope that your post sends the haters packing and leaves the rest of who try to respond to comments rationally and supportively in peace.

  79. Sharon
    January 16, 2014 / 4:33 pm

    Just dropping by to say that yours is the only blog I check every single day (feed readers are for tech wizards). And I lol’d irl at “Why do I need to prove that I am a good mother, I don’t even have a parenting blog!” I feel indignant on your behalf. Hope you can learn to tune out the buffoons of the world! I wish you much peace <3

  80. BlogCommentNoob
    January 16, 2014 / 4:29 pm

    I started following fashion blogs about a year and a half ago (I know, pretty late to the game) and was following so many of them I don’t remember the number. It eventually got to the point where it felt like a chore to keep up, so I cut all of them…except yours. I still check yours every day BECAUSE of your voice, content and opinions. Keep up the fantastic work 🙂

  81. January 16, 2014 / 4:22 pm

    You are always open and honest, Alison! So sorry to hear some people give you those hard times. It is easy to say “don’t care, they don’t deserve it” as I know it is hard to deal with when it all comes together.

    Please keep up your great work here on the blog!

    Annette | Lady of Style

  82. Emily Christenson
    January 16, 2014 / 4:11 pm

    I love your blog!!!! As it’s stated in the artist way don’t let crazy makers or your “everybody” get you down. I know it’s hard but you are an amazing beautiful woman with a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter to show for it!!! I love you blog and I look forward to your posts everyday!!! Take care and never forget how strong you are!!!

    • January 16, 2014 / 4:18 pm

      Look at you linking back to AW 😉 Actually that’s SUCH a good reminder, thank you!

  83. Maria
    January 16, 2014 / 4:07 pm

    You are a beautiful and wonderful person and I love reading your blog. Thank you for continuing to let us into your life and your thoughts on such a personal level. I’d like for you to always keep writing here, because it’s great to read and your outfits are inspirational – but at the same time, I wish you happiness and satisfaction, and if that includes stepping away from the blog, or writing less – I won’t judge you for it.

  84. January 16, 2014 / 4:06 pm

    I know I’ve said it before, but this kind of post is exactly why you’re one of my favourite bloggers. I so admire your honesty, and I totally get how exhausting it is to feel like you have to constantly caveat every single word you say, and remove every scrap of personality/opinion from what you write, just to avoid offending the small amount of people out there who are absolutely determined to be offended. And you just can’t do it: it’s impossible to please everyone, no matter how hard you try, so I think accepting that is probably the best way to deal with it, as hard as it can be. I’m so glad you’re not going to let those people get to you: you would be badly missed!

  85. Kate
    January 16, 2014 / 4:05 pm

    Thanks to this post, I think I will find what I am looking for with Mara and just signed up for her emails. I feel like I am at a crossroads and am reacting to negativity related to my job in such a way that I’m ready to quit. I have lost my way and my passion for what I do and that saddens me.

  86. Kristine
    January 16, 2014 / 4:04 pm

    You kick ass. It must be hard dealing with the internet trolls or just plain ignorant people out there. I really enjoy your blog and hope you keep it up.

  87. Maggie
    January 16, 2014 / 3:48 pm

    Dear Allison,

    I like your blog, and I’d like to think that if we knew each other in person, we would like each other. I like your blog because it’s real, and funny, and smart. I bet you are the same way in person.

    However, you seem so defensive lately in your posts. I understand the frustration with trolls, and I understand how hard it is not to take any criticism personally. But the reality is that your blog makes you a public person, and people talk about — and have every right to talk about — what’s presented to them as fit for public consumption.

    Even though yours is a fashion blog, you talk about (and post pictures of) your child. That’s your decision — and personally, I love your posts because I am a working mom, too — but that makes that area of your life fit for commenters (or other bloggers) to discuss. Similarly your marriage. You are making money — even if it’s not much– off of these posts. You are putting it out there for others to see… and possibly, to critique.

    Blogging about your life is like being on a reality show. People will judge you, and make comments about your life that have no bearing on the truth, and people can be really, really mean. I don’t condone trolling by any means, but if you are a public person, and you’ve chosen to make your life this public, it kind of comes with the territory. (And don’t even get me started on the mommy boards. Just don’t even pay attention to them!)

    You don’t have to — and you shouldn’t — feel the need to justify your life, your choices, and your being to everyone and anyone. As another commenter said, only you define you! And you’re right that you can’t please everyone. That’s a good thing. But I wish you wouldn’t get mad at people for giving you their opinion, or tell them to go away just because they’re criticizing your blog. Just like any reality show — even a really well-written one– the audience has the right to respond. You may not always like what they have to say.

    I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, and I hope you feel better soon.

    • January 16, 2014 / 3:56 pm

      You are completely right. Totally. I myself compare blogging to reality TV show participants because it is true, when you choose to blog you choose to be a public entity. And I don’t want everyone to agree with me, that’s not realistic or real or even enjoyable.

      I think what happens is when the criticism comes at the same time as the trolls it all gets lumped together and it’s just too much. It’s overwhelming and exhausting and it clouds everything else. And it’s not the fault of the perfectly reasonable people who are providing perfectly reasonable criticism. And gosh, a lot of criticism I have received has made me a better person and this a better blog. I don’t want people to fear contradicting me, it’s just crazy how a spirited debate in the past now becomes such drama and a personal vendetta for those who criticize or troll and I come back with a response. I don’t want people to go away, but if they over and over and over come back and each time criticize… what the heck is the value to either of us? Neither of us are happy.

      But yeah, tell me I am wrong, let me know that an outfit isn’t flattering, contradict me and explain why, I look forward to that and don’t want to stop that… but I am no longer going to whitewash what I put on here out of fear, to try to prevent criticism. I may have chosen to become a public figure, but I am no longer choosing to pretend to be or think something I do not to please the masses. There’s a heck of a lot of blogs out there that offer that already.

      And seriously thank you for this comment, you’re completely right.

      • Maggie
        January 16, 2014 / 4:01 pm

        Thanks for your response — see, I feel like I got a reply from a REALITY STAR!!!
        I completely understand how it gets lumped all together — and honestly, I do not understand the point of trolling. Like don’t you have anything better to do? (Sadly, for many of these people the answer is obviously “no!”) Anyway, I am glad you won’t hold back on the blog.

  88. MarlaD
    January 16, 2014 / 3:42 pm

    I hate mean people and there seem to be so many of them!! I think you are cute as all hell, it never crossed my mind that your husband is gay (where would a thought like that even come from, wtf) and think that most people would enjoy a $2,000 skin care routine if they had the money for it. They’re jealous haters with nothing better to do. I love your blog because not only are you cute (as all hell), you’re intelligent!!! I’m glad you found Mara, her emails kick ass. Hang in there, cause haters gonna hate.

  89. Gilly
    January 16, 2014 / 3:36 pm

    I only discovered your blog recently, and I’ve been lurking every since, but in the light of what you’ve just written I want to tell you how much I enjoy it and how I think it’s one of the best fashion blogs out there. There are only two I subscribe to, and yours is one of them.

    There are a lot of unhappy people out there who take their frustrations out on others, and will hit where they think it will hurt most even if it’s totally untrue and doesn’t even make sense (eg, what have your parenting skills got to do with them, for goodness sakes!). It’s so hard not to let it get to you, and unfortunately it’s the negative comments you remember longest. Do your best to take comfort in the fact that many, many people love what you write. And even if there are occasional times when we might not agree with you, that makes for a more interesting world and we defend to the utmost your right to be yourself and to express who you are, without being subjected to critical judgements made by ignorant, unhappy people. Please keep writing – you’d be badly missed.

  90. Jayneway0317
    January 16, 2014 / 3:19 pm

    NOBODY gets the privilege of defining you, but you. That’s right, YOU. You are NOT suddenly a horrible writer, horrible person, horrible blogger, horrible dresser, or horrible ANYTHING because some commenter, or some other sh%t for brains suddenly says you are.

    YOU get to define who and what you are. If you want to blog, then you blog! If you want to write, then you write! You know what you want! DO IT! Define YOURSELF!!!

    I used to worry so much about how others saw me. I read Lean In.. it helped me A TON!!

    HANG IN THERE!!

  91. Cynthia Peterson
    January 16, 2014 / 3:14 pm

    Wow. I can’t understand why anybody would feel it is okay to question your morals, motives, marriage or anything else about you. As you so rightly point out, there are plenty of other bloggers out there. Please know that I love your blog because you are honest, forthright, knowledgeable, and not afraid to be imperfect or vulnerable. You have an awesome sense of style but it is your humanity and authenticity that keeps me reading. Here is a virtual hug from me, one imperfect woman to you, someone I truly respect and admire.

  92. dc yogi
    January 16, 2014 / 3:13 pm

    I just wanted to let you know that you are one of my favorite bloggers. That’s all.

    • January 16, 2014 / 4:05 pm

      Came here to say the same thing! I forget to comment on my favorite blogs because so many times no one responds. But I need to remember to stop by and comment every now and then… I’ve been following your blog for YEARS and love it!!

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