What’s So Wrong with Loving Yourself?

My last post wasn’t a cry for attention or support. Negative comments don’t faze me – these people don’t know me in real life, and they are reacting because of something in their life that causes them to be angry. But what I found the most interesting in one of the negative comments I shared, some of the comments on that post, and emails I received since then is that many women seem to find it to be a bad thing to love themselves.

quote about loving yourself dr. leonardo buscaglia
{via}

Seriously ladies, you SHOULD love yourself. There is a difference between loving and respecting yourself and being a narcissist. There’s a difference between self-confidence and being self-absorbed. Just because you believe in yourself, find yourself smart and attractive doesn’t mean you’re self-centered or a bitch. It means you’re healthy.

Let’s stop comparing ourselves to one another – didn’t you ever hear that people are like snowflakes and no two are alike? Let’s stop attacking those who are too thin, too old, too fat, have had plastic surgery, need plastic surgery, go grey, dye their hair, wear something you find to be too weird or too over the top or too boring. And let’s stop hating ourselves while we’re at it.

I may love clothes and pretty things, but there’s a hippie core to my heart and that core doesn’t understand why people spend so much energy bringing negativity into the universe. You don’t know how long of a life you have, why spend time talking crap about others… or talking crap about yourself? Humans are pretty fascinating creatures, she who you may snark on in real life you may find to be your long-lost kindred spirit. That person you attack may be going through some pretty heavy personal things that are affecting her appearance and her attitude.

This Saturday when I met Lisa at the Westfield Style Lounge, she said something pretty powerful. I always preach the need to be pulled together even when going to the grocery store because you never know when you will bump into an ex, the person who interviewed you the day prior for a new job, have a date with destiny. Lisa said dressing nicely inspires others – those who see you looking fierce at the grocery store will be motivated to follow your example.

Be proud of yourself, and be proud that you love yourself. You’re a pretty spectacular person. And let others know that you’re not ashamed to love yourself, you very well may inspire another to do the same!

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55 Comments

  1. Anne
    June 19, 2012 / 3:36 am

    Allie, I have been reading your blog for about a year, I think. (Followed a link from Sally McGraw) I am so sorry you were exposed to such hurtful comments.  It makes me so frustrated when women are mean or inconsiderate to other women; especially when it’s mommies slamming other mommies.  I think you are absolutely adorable and I really admire your sense of style.  I actually printed up a recent post of your to help me pack for a recent vacation. Your post above is totally on the money.  We all need to learned to love ourselves (how can you really love anyone else if you don’t?) I firmly believe that the cruel comments you received are the transference of someone else’s self hate. keep doing what you’re doing.

  2. Anne
    June 18, 2012 / 11:36 pm

    Allie, I have been reading your blog for about a year, I think. (Followed a link from Sally McGraw) I am so sorry you were exposed to such hurtful comments.  It makes me so frustrated when women are mean or inconsiderate to other women; especially when it’s mommies slamming other mommies.  I think you are absolutely adorable and I really admire your sense of style.  I actually printed up a recent post of your to help me pack for a recent vacation. Your post above is totally on the money.  We all need to learned to love ourselves (how can you really love anyone else if you don’t?) I firmly believe that the cruel comments you received are the transference of someone else’s self hate. keep doing what you’re doing.

  3. Jo
    June 18, 2012 / 8:57 am

    I love your blog – and I was sad to read the comments you got. I love to see women looking great going about their day-to-day lives – and not just women in their 20s, who are very slim and pretty, but ALL women.

    I think it was someone very young who wrote that horrible comment – let us hope they will be blessed with a long and healthy life, and will come learn that they can enjoy having fun with clothes even when they are 40, 50 and beyond! Style is forever.

    Jo (aged 48!)

  4. Jo
    June 17, 2012 / 6:52 am

    I love your blog – and I was sad to read the comments you got. I love to see women looking great going about their day-to-day lives – and not just women in their 20s, who are very slim and pretty, but ALL women.

    I think it was someone very young who wrote that horrible comment – let us hope they will be blessed with a long and healthy life, and will come learn that they can enjoy having fun with clothes even when they are 40, 50 and beyond! Style is forever.

    Jo (aged 48!)

  5. alice
    June 15, 2012 / 2:49 am

    Ok, I just have to say that this actually happened to me last week!!  I was 3000 miles away from home and there was literally a 0.1% chance I would run into my ex, but run into him I did and you can’t imagine how grateful I was to be wearing a very flattering yet casual dress and light makeup.  It may seem pointless and petty to you, but trust me, I was giving myself mental high fives the rest of the day.

  6. Vickic
    June 15, 2012 / 1:37 am

    I love your blog because your are not a size 2!! I don’t understand people like those who left the comments.  If I don’t like a blog, I don’t read it!!  There are many blogs that are nice but just do not appeal to me because they seem too perfect – it’s my choice to read or not. 

  7. Vickic
    June 14, 2012 / 9:37 pm

    I love your blog because your are not a size 2!! I don’t understand people like those who left the comments.  If I don’t like a blog, I don’t read it!!  There are many blogs that are nice but just do not appeal to me because they seem too perfect – it’s my choice to read or not. 

  8. Sbteri
    June 13, 2012 / 7:17 pm

    Sounds like a very young person that made that comment, and is apparently too influenced by the “ideal image”.  That is sad.  I love your blog (even though I may not always comment) because you are a constant source of inspiration.  After turning 50 I felt invisible to to the world and felt that it didn’t really matter what I looked like because no one really ‘see’s’ you anyway.  But when I see your blog you inspire me to feel differently.  Confidence is something that shines through no matter who you are.  And that is the best “make-over” you can give yourself!  Thank you Allie, for being a constant inspiration to so many of us readers.  

  9. Sbteri
    June 13, 2012 / 3:17 pm

    Sounds like a very young person that made that comment, and is apparently too influenced by the “ideal image”.  That is sad.  I love your blog (even though I may not always comment) because you are a constant source of inspiration.  After turning 50 I felt invisible to to the world and felt that it didn’t really matter what I looked like because no one really ‘see’s’ you anyway.  But when I see your blog you inspire me to feel differently.  Confidence is something that shines through no matter who you are.  And that is the best “make-over” you can give yourself!  Thank you Allie, for being a constant inspiration to so many of us readers.  

  10. Sarah
    June 13, 2012 / 5:50 pm

    Allie, I love your blog and I love your style! You often inspire me to be more creative with my clothing. I get SO SICK of reading style blogs about 22-year old, size-2 woman!! Pretty much anything looks good on a 22-year-old, size-2 woman…but as a 31-year-old, size 16-18 woman, I need inspiration on how to dress for my body.

    I do want to make one comment about the grocery store argument…I have heard that argument for years , I think I first heard it from Stacey and Clinton. I have also heard that you should dress up because you might meet the love of your life at the grocery store, or a future employer. Those arguments really stick in my craw!!! I’m not wearing PJs to the grocery store, but I’m not wearing heels either. And I’m just not going to dress up for errands like the grocery store or getting gas or the drug store. When I see people I know in real life out running errands, I don’t even think to judge them on their clothes! They are running errands! If I saw my future husband at the grocery store in my running errands outfit, he better damn well like what I look like when my hair is in a pony, no make-up, and in jeans, a hoodie and flats, because that’s what I look like most of the time! If he doesn’t, he’s not my future husband. If I ran into someone dressed casually at the store and then that person came in for an interview with me the next day, all I would care about is what they had on for the interview. As far as my exes go, I don’t give a crap what they think about how I look! Half the time I hit up the grocery store on my way home from a work-out…I am not taking the time to go home, bathe, do my hair, and change my clothes on my day off, even if I am a hot sweaty mess. 

    Despite all of that, I still freaking love myself. I guess I just want to say that you shouldn’t assume the lady in workout clothes at the grocery store hates herself or has low self-esteem just because she’s wearing workout clothes, or didn’t feel like wearing make-up on her day off. Similarly, I won’t assume that the lady dressed to the nines with stiletto heels on buying lettuce is a narcissist who is self-absorbed. I know we all make judgments about others based on how they dress, but that doesn’t mean it’s right, or that our judgment matters to that person.

  11. Sarah
    June 13, 2012 / 1:50 pm

    Allie, I love your blog and I love your style! You often inspire me to be more creative with my clothing. I get SO SICK of reading style blogs about 22-year old, size-2 woman!! Pretty much anything looks good on a 22-year-old, size-2 woman…but as a 31-year-old, size 16-18 woman, I need inspiration on how to dress for my body.

    I do want to make one comment about the grocery store argument…I have heard that argument for years , I think I first heard it from Stacey and Clinton. I have also heard that you should dress up because you might meet the love of your life at the grocery store, or a future employer. Those arguments really stick in my craw!!! I’m not wearing PJs to the grocery store, but I’m not wearing heels either. And I’m just not going to dress up for errands like the grocery store or getting gas or the drug store. When I see people I know in real life out running errands, I don’t even think to judge them on their clothes! They are running errands! If I saw my future husband at the grocery store in my running errands outfit, he better damn well like what I look like when my hair is in a pony, no make-up, and in jeans, a hoodie and flats, because that’s what I look like most of the time! If he doesn’t, he’s not my future husband. If I ran into someone dressed casually at the store and then that person came in for an interview with me the next day, all I would care about is what they had on for the interview. As far as my exes go, I don’t give a crap what they think about how I look! Half the time I hit up the grocery store on my way home from a work-out…I am not taking the time to go home, bathe, do my hair, and change my clothes on my day off, even if I am a hot sweaty mess. 

    Despite all of that, I still freaking love myself. I guess I just want to say that you shouldn’t assume the lady in workout clothes at the grocery store hates herself or has low self-esteem just because she’s wearing workout clothes, or didn’t feel like wearing make-up on her day off. Similarly, I won’t assume that the lady dressed to the nines with stiletto heels on buying lettuce is a narcissist who is self-absorbed. I know we all make judgments about others based on how they dress, but that doesn’t mean it’s right, or that our judgment matters to that person.

    • alice
      June 14, 2012 / 10:49 pm

      Ok, I just have to say that this actually happened to me last week!!  I was 3000 miles away from home and there was literally a 0.1% chance I would run into my ex, but run into him I did and you can’t imagine how grateful I was to be wearing a very flattering yet casual dress and light makeup.  It may seem pointless and petty to you, but trust me, I was giving myself mental high fives the rest of the day.

  12. June 13, 2012 / 4:52 pm

    way to go Alison! You already know this is my mantra and I think I say it WAY too much in my blog. Negativity is annoying but hey haters are everywhere ;(

  13. June 13, 2012 / 12:52 pm

    way to go Alison! You already know this is my mantra and I think I say it WAY too much in my blog. Negativity is annoying but hey haters are everywhere ;(

  14. merbnsn
    June 13, 2012 / 4:48 pm

    Allie, I missed yesterday and never saw those awful and untrue comments.  I love seing your outfits and enjoy everything you post.  You are an inspiration.  Please don’t let what are, clearly, someone else’s  self esteem issues bring you down.  Just keep doing what you are doing. 

  15. merbnsn
    June 13, 2012 / 12:48 pm

    Allie, I missed yesterday and never saw those awful and untrue comments.  I love seing your outfits and enjoy everything you post.  You are an inspiration.  Please don’t let what are, clearly, someone else’s  self esteem issues bring you down.  Just keep doing what you are doing. 

  16. June 13, 2012 / 3:46 pm

    Way to go, Chickie! Yes, I agree; positivity in rebuttal of negative energy in an attack, for whatever reason. I found your blog actually looking for fashion ideas online for the woman with a few extra pounds, because I know I am worth looking my best at whatever weight I am. The next step for you should be design. My sister-in-law have often lamented that todays BBWs are either, 1) old lady-ish, for someone setting of for the tropics, ie, moomoos or–2) made for a size 4, cap sleeves, tight arms, hugging tummy elaboration.

  17. June 13, 2012 / 3:32 pm

    Lovely post, Allie.  Thank you for putting so much positive energy and strength out there into the world.  You’re right: loving ourselves is crucial.  At the end of the day, the only person we’re guaranteed to know our whole lives is ourselves, so we’d better extend to ourselves some measure of care and kindness.

  18. June 13, 2012 / 11:32 am

    Lovely post, Allie.  Thank you for putting so much positive energy and strength out there into the world.  You’re right: loving ourselves is crucial.  At the end of the day, the only person we’re guaranteed to know our whole lives is ourselves, so we’d better extend to ourselves some measure of care and kindness.

  19. AKM
    June 13, 2012 / 3:24 pm

    Amen, sistah! Like Barb said, it IS sad when people don’t love themselves. I strongly believe that those are the hurt people who hurt people. How can we change that? This social-worker-in-training will continue to try to figure it out…    🙂

  20. AKM
    June 13, 2012 / 11:24 am

    Amen, sistah! Like Barb said, it IS sad when people don’t love themselves. I strongly believe that those are the hurt people who hurt people. How can we change that? This social-worker-in-training will continue to try to figure it out…    🙂

  21. kathy
    June 13, 2012 / 1:32 pm

    Well said. You can’t love anyone else till you love yourself first. My weight watchers leader said once, “We’re all just trying to do the best we can.” So when I find myself feeling snarky, I remember her words and it immediately changes my attitude.

    Thanks, as always, for your inspiring words!

  22. kathy
    June 13, 2012 / 9:32 am

    Well said. You can’t love anyone else till you love yourself first. My weight watchers leader said once, “We’re all just trying to do the best we can.” So when I find myself feeling snarky, I remember her words and it immediately changes my attitude.

    Thanks, as always, for your inspiring words!

  23. Lisa
    June 13, 2012 / 12:11 pm

    Allie- 
    I read your blog when I am sad or depressed, as it always makes me feel hopeful and happy. And your post today about loving yourself- I needed it like you wouldn’t believe. Thank you so much.

  24. Lisa
    June 13, 2012 / 8:11 am

    Allie- 
    I read your blog when I am sad or depressed, as it always makes me feel hopeful and happy. And your post today about loving yourself- I needed it like you wouldn’t believe. Thank you so much.

  25. kuri
    June 13, 2012 / 12:00 pm

    Great post!  I think a lot of factors (family, media, society) encourage us to hate ourselves.  It’s tough learning to love myself, but I try 🙂

  26. June 13, 2012 / 8:00 am

    Great post!  I think a lot of factors (family, media, society) encourage us to hate ourselves.  It’s tough learning to love myself, but I try 🙂

  27. Sonia
    June 13, 2012 / 11:21 am

    As I personally lived through the 70s, the hippie era, may I say, “Right on!”

    I’d like to add that besides providing me with great fashion ideas, your blog is not just about clothes– it has made me laugh, made me cry and made me nod my head in full agreement. Thank you.

  28. Sonia
    June 13, 2012 / 7:21 am

    As I personally lived through the 70s, the hippie era, may I say, “Right on!”

    I’d like to add that besides providing me with great fashion ideas, your blog is not just about clothes– it has made me laugh, made me cry and made me nod my head in full agreement. Thank you.

  29. Claire
    June 13, 2012 / 9:59 am

    Well said Allie, 

    I despair of what society does to women and worse, what we do to ourselves. 

    I blame internet and the media for falsely portraying (and portraying false) women and what’s refreshing about your blog is how real you keep it. Keep up the good work! I look forward to me WO email very day! 

  30. Claire
    June 13, 2012 / 5:59 am

    Well said Allie, 

    I despair of what society does to women and worse, what we do to ourselves. 

    I blame internet and the media for falsely portraying (and portraying false) women and what’s refreshing about your blog is how real you keep it. Keep up the good work! I look forward to me WO email very day! 

  31. Maria
    June 13, 2012 / 1:24 am

    Great attitude, toward yourself and toward our fellow human companions.  There are some lonely, sad, angry  and sick people out there, reaching out in the only way they know how to. They must not define who we are. But how we deal with them definitely defines not only who we are, but also how we choose to live.  In the same way that dressing up may be inspiring to others, your mature and healthy response to pettiness and meanness may inspire others to be kinder to themselves first, and then to others.  Thank you for modelling great character, as well as a fun and pulled together style. 🙂 

  32. Maria
    June 12, 2012 / 9:24 pm

    Great attitude, toward yourself and toward our fellow human companions.  There are some lonely, sad, angry  and sick people out there, reaching out in the only way they know how to. They must not define who we are. But how we deal with them definitely defines not only who we are, but also how we choose to live.  In the same way that dressing up may be inspiring to others, your mature and healthy response to pettiness and meanness may inspire others to be kinder to themselves first, and then to others.  Thank you for modelling great character, as well as a fun and pulled together style. 🙂 

  33. June 13, 2012 / 1:19 am

    What you said in your article is so in line with my blog philosophy. Today’s post only reinforces my ideals of loving myself, not because I am a size 2 or fit someone else’s ideal, but rather because I am ME. Thank you for preaching TRUE self-love. It’s only then we can really love others as well.

    You’ve got a major fan here, Allie. I will continue to be a faithful and admiring reader of your style. Your little girl will read this all one day and thank you for paving the way for women to love themselves. ~Sarah

  34. June 12, 2012 / 9:19 pm

    What you said in your article is so in line with my blog philosophy. Today’s post only reinforces my ideals of loving myself, not because I am a size 2 or fit someone else’s ideal, but rather because I am ME. Thank you for preaching TRUE self-love. It’s only then we can really love others as well.

    You’ve got a major fan here, Allie. I will continue to be a faithful and admiring reader of your style. Your little girl will read this all one day and thank you for paving the way for women to love themselves. ~Sarah

  35. Allie Fan
    June 13, 2012 / 12:02 am

    Thank you, Allie, for this post specifically, and more generally for your blog. I don’t totally aspire to your style (though we do have some overlaps), but I do completely aspire to your attitude and your confidence. You’re awesome!

  36. Allie Fan
    June 12, 2012 / 8:02 pm

    Thank you, Allie, for this post specifically, and more generally for your blog. I don’t totally aspire to your style (though we do have some overlaps), but I do completely aspire to your attitude and your confidence. You’re awesome!

  37. Jesbillings
    June 12, 2012 / 10:44 pm

    I enjoy your blog and always enjoy seeing what you’re wearing (although my style and yours are miles apart) I can’t imagine what motivates people who make such awful comments on blogs. I’ve read blogs that made me want to throw up — the solution, click click they’re gone. I don’t have to or want to engage with the writers. I love your attitude. You go.

  38. Jesbillings
    June 12, 2012 / 6:44 pm

    I enjoy your blog and always enjoy seeing what you’re wearing (although my style and yours are miles apart) I can’t imagine what motivates people who make such awful comments on blogs. I’ve read blogs that made me want to throw up — the solution, click click they’re gone. I don’t have to or want to engage with the writers. I love your attitude. You go.

  39. Frenchie
    June 12, 2012 / 10:01 pm

    Dressing well is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.  I take a few minutes each evening to pick out my outfit for the next day–even the accessories.  As a teacher, I dress well to distinguish myself from my adolescent students.  If I had a nickel for every time a colleague commented on how “dressed up” I was that day… but I know that the principal notices because I’ve heard her talk about dressing for the job.  Dressing well makes me feel more confident. 

  40. Frenchie
    June 12, 2012 / 6:01 pm

    Dressing well is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.  I take a few minutes each evening to pick out my outfit for the next day–even the accessories.  As a teacher, I dress well to distinguish myself from my adolescent students.  If I had a nickel for every time a colleague commented on how “dressed up” I was that day… but I know that the principal notices because I’ve heard her talk about dressing for the job.  Dressing well makes me feel more confident. 

  41. Stacy
    June 12, 2012 / 9:39 pm

    This was a wonderful blog post, and I totally agree!  I don’t understand the people who spew hatred for others and leave mean comments, either.  I also think we all need to love ourselves a bit more and stop with the self-hatred.  I always feel better about myself when I make some effort, too.  Somedays that is harder than others, but I can at least try.

  42. Stacy
    June 12, 2012 / 5:39 pm

    This was a wonderful blog post, and I totally agree!  I don’t understand the people who spew hatred for others and leave mean comments, either.  I also think we all need to love ourselves a bit more and stop with the self-hatred.  I always feel better about myself when I make some effort, too.  Somedays that is harder than others, but I can at least try.

  43. sarahrr123
    June 12, 2012 / 9:22 pm

    I agree that dressing well inspires others.  I went out for Mothers Day with my mom and sister last month, and both my sister and I showed up in dresses, heels, and make up done.  My mom arrives in jeans and a tee shirt.  Later that day, she said she felt so bad for not using the opportunity to dress up to have lunch with her girls; it wasn’t intended to make her feel bad at all, but she texted me the next weekend to say she bought a new dress, and wanted to have lunch again!  People, we need to build each other up, love each other, high five each other!  It may be your mom that you inspire, or your neighbor, or even one of your kids friends.  Plus, I never get dressed up and think later; well, that was dumb; I should wore sweats. 

  44. Sarah7500
    June 12, 2012 / 5:22 pm

    I agree that dressing well inspires others.  I went out for Mothers Day with my mom and sister last month, and both my sister and I showed up in dresses, heels, and make up done.  My mom arrives in jeans and a tee shirt.  Later that day, she said she felt so bad for not using the opportunity to dress up to have lunch with her girls; it wasn’t intended to make her feel bad at all, but she texted me the next weekend to say she bought a new dress, and wanted to have lunch again!  People, we need to build each other up, love each other, high five each other!  It may be your mom that you inspire, or your neighbor, or even one of your kids friends.  Plus, I never get dressed up and think later; well, that was dumb; I should wore sweats. 

  45. Une femme
    June 12, 2012 / 8:49 pm

    Yes! Self-love and self-respect are healthy and bring more positive energy into the world. 

  46. Une femme
    June 12, 2012 / 4:49 pm

    Yes! Self-love and self-respect are healthy and bring more positive energy into the world. 

  47. amhartman520
    June 12, 2012 / 8:39 pm

    Allie,
    I have been reading your blog since 2006. I love it! I love clothes and shoes, but more importantly, I love people who have a good heart. It’s weird to tell someone you don’t know that you think they are a good person, but I guess in reading your blog, I feel like I know you. When I saw that others had made negative comments, it made me sad. I teach middle and high school English and not to get all “Tina Fey” circa Mean Girls but there’s a lot of girl on girl crime going on in the world. I wish women would realize we need to support one another instead of bringing one another down. You seem strong and able to be unphased by negativity. I only hope that whoever those people were don’t attack others who aren’t so strong. Keep doin’ what you do girl! I love it!! 🙂

  48. amhartman520
    June 12, 2012 / 4:39 pm

    Allie,
    I have been reading your blog since 2006. I love it! I love clothes and shoes, but more importantly, I love people who have a good heart. It’s weird to tell someone you don’t know that you think they are a good person, but I guess in reading your blog, I feel like I know you. When I saw that others had made negative comments, it made me sad. I teach middle and high school English and not to get all “Tina Fey” circa Mean Girls but there’s a lot of girl on girl crime going on in the world. I wish women would realize we need to support one another instead of bringing one another down. You seem strong and able to be unphased by negativity. I only hope that whoever those people were don’t attack others who aren’t so strong. Keep doin’ what you do girl! I love it!! 🙂

  49. Barb
    June 12, 2012 / 8:23 pm

    I feel sorry for those who feel unable, or unworthy of loving themselves. If you can’t love yourself, how can you ever expect anybody else to love you?  Love your blog, Allie.  

  50. Barb
    June 12, 2012 / 4:23 pm

    I feel sorry for those who feel unable, or unworthy of loving themselves. If you can’t love yourself, how can you ever expect anybody else to love you?  Love your blog, Allie.  

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