Crimes of Fashion

Bad things happen to good clothing. Often times it is not the garment that commits the crime, the woman who puts it on her body. The thing is, we women just can’t admit the truth about ourselves.

We have large breasts.

Grass is always greener, huh? Those with small breasts wish for larger, and those with larger breasts know it’s not always a great thing. It’s hard to look conservative, fit into tailored cotton shirts, or wear a bathing suit and maintain eye contact with a man. Backs ache, bras are matronly, and forget wearing those spaghetti strapped little tanks and dresses…

Seriously, forget wearing them. Unless your breasts are very young and pert or surgically enhanced, or you have found the miracle strapless bra that actually lifts and separates and doesn’t dig into your armpit after two hours of wear (and if you have email me!) these delicate little tops are not going to look good. Wearing clear straps, an unsupportive bra with skinny straps that almost hide, a strapless bra that flatters as much as a sports bra or attempting to get by with the little shelf bra that is in the garment is not going to benefit your figure or your sense of style. Same goes for attempting to wear such a top with a tank or tee shirt underneath – this look is great for tweens who shouldn’t be baring skin, but not for mature adult women.

This also goes for tops that have built-in cups and underwire (bustier-inspired tops), cut-out, halter and low-cut tops that make any sort of bra impossible, and those handkerchief-style backless tops (again no bra is possible and there is zero support in front). Drooping, jiggling, smooshed and wayward breasts are never sexy, and never ever stylish.

We have curvy arms.
Nope, we don’t all have twigs for arms – most of us (especially if we have large breasts) have larger and softer arms. Those of us who work out often have larger arms too due to strong biceps and triceps. Neither of these types of arms are bad – they are beautiful! However we seem to always want to torture them.

When you wear a sleeve that suffocates or cuts into your upper arm, it not only feels uncomfortable – it looks uncomfortable. Go and open a door and you flex your bicep causing even more pain and fashion awkwardness. A sleeve that is stretching at the seams, cutting your arm in half, or wrinkles due to being so tight is not stylish, and it is noticeable. That garment flaw alone can ruin the entire look of your outfit and make your arms look bigger than they actually are.

Large arms are not a bad thing – we women often focus on them when the rest of the world doesn’t even notice. Arms are usually made in balance with the rest of the body and they are made to assist us in daily functions. Arms usually look smaller when exposed or draped in flattering fabrics, then when hidden. Just as with your stomach – large arms look larger under baggy or too tight garments, but are not even noticeable in well-fitting pieces.

What to do? Don’t shell out hard-earned money on clothing that doesn’t fit on all parts of your body. Juniors fashions often run smaller in the arms so consider looking in the Misses department. Garments with lycra or from knit will be more comfortable and forgiving. Accept that some styles are not made for your frame. We all can’t wear stovepipe jeans, mini skirts, deep-plunging necklines, backless dresses… and we all can’t wear little capped puff sleeves on cotton dresses. This isn’t a bad thing – no trend is a must-have or death look. I personally have large arms – had them at 100 pounds and at 200 pounds and never lack for garments to fit in stores. I just usually shy from stiff fabrics and sleeves that hit in the center of the upper arm.

We’re Tall.
I know it’s hard to find proper trousers when you’re tall. Selection is limited, often what a company calls “long” is lucky to be 32” in inseam. While the 5’6” women of the world can wear all sorts of fabrics and patterns, tall women are often stuck with plain denim and drab colors of simple-styled trousers.

Well you will look a heck of a lot better in a simple pair of black trousers that hit at the right place than a cool pattern of trousers that hits somewhere near your ankle bone. Tall boots and ballet flats do not disguise a trouser from being too short. Your best bet is to do your homework – join tall women message board, Google for boutiques that specialize in long lengths and keep it simple. Find creativity in accessories and other garments; for style comes with fit, not with trend.

We're Short.

Petite clothes are hard to find, especially when you aren't petite everywhere else. It doesn't hurt to cuff some items, and if you're moving, no one notices that your sleeves hit your second knuckle and your shoulders are sliding off… right?

Wrong. Cuffing, stapling, Stitch Witchery-ing, and letting things hang and drag is never flattering. As with tall women, it's better to have less that fits correctly than look as though you are shrinking before our very eyes. If you find a pair of pants that fits well – buy a couple of pairs and care for them. For items that almost work, spend a few extra bucks and go to your local dry cleaner or tailor to have the sleeves and legs shortened to an appropriate length.

We Don't Want to Admit the Season.
A pair of tall boots with capris does not make a summer trouser a winter one. I have NO CLUE who thought of this trend, but that person should be arrested for a major crime of fashion. Tall boots with cuffed or tucked in jeans – cute. Tall boots with tweed or wool gauchos – a bit dated but it at least makes sense. Tall boots with stretch twill, crepe, cotton or sateen trousers – please NO!

This also goes for summer fabrics (eyelet, seersucker, cotton, linen, cotton voile, etc.) being paired with opaque hose and cardigans in an attempt to make them wintry, wool and wintry fabrics with lightweight tops and sandals in spring, and floaty babydoll tops paired over dark turtlenecks.

Style doesn’t come with how big your wardrobe is, but by what is in it. It’s okay to pack up those summer linens or wintry woolens come the end of that season. Even if you only own three pairs of pants – it’s better to have three pairs that fit your body and the weather, than trying to extend a wardrobe that just isn’t created to be extended.

Many fabrics do work quite well in many seasons – matte jersey, crepe, some silks, suiting fabrics, ponte knit. If you are looking to extend your wardrobe consider these fabrics in solid colors that don’t focus on a certain time of year (hello pumpkin orange or lemon yellow). Black, ivory, brown, navy, khaki, true red and cobalt blue are some shades that do work year-round. Stick to neutrals or clear and true colors and these fabrics can do multi-seasonal duty!

We’re Obsessed with Matching.
Beautiful pink cashmere sweater, chic pink houndstooth tweed pencil skirt, gorgeous pink pearl necklace and bracelet, elegant pink crocodile pumps, and what a darling pink crocodile clutch. Individually, all of these items are wonderful and can be quite stylish. Paired together, and you look like Socialite Barbie.

I often see this happen most with animal prints and bright colors (lime, orange, pink). Leopard headband, shoes, belt, collar and cuffs, purse. Lime capris, jacket, flats, tote bag, sunglasses and (gasp!) scrunchie. Patriotic embellished tee, red striped skimmers, blue shorts with white piping, star-shaped earrings and bracelet. Blue gingham capris, halter top, blue sandals, blue hoops and bracelet, blue gingham sun visor and blue eye shadow. Get my drift? Home shopping channels and many mail-order catalogs may lead you to believe that highly-coordinated outfits will bring you style; friends may comment, “what a well-matched outfit!” You may be known for your signature style of animal print/candy pink/frog patterned clothing but that doesn’t mean this look is polished or stylish.

This doesn’t mean you have to give up your passion. Leopard print can still be your calling card, but it will make more impact in smaller doses. Leopard-print heels are a neutral that will coordinate with anything from jeans to cocktail dresses; a leopard clutch will add interest to your LBD, switch out self belts in your dresses with a leopard one to add variety to your look. If you always think pink, you can work it in the same manner – play it up in accessories, shells under suits, and small wardrobe accents. Small accents create big (and more expensive looking) style. You will be amazed how the compliments will change from the coordination to your actual look, and how much faster people will “get” that you are wearing a signature style, not just on the matchy-matchy boatride!

We’re Not 21 Anymore.
I definitely do not subscribe to the rule that once you hit 30 you have to start shopping in Talbot’s, but I do believe that different ages should wear different things.

Just as a 21 year old looks ridiculous in a Chanel suit, so does a 41 year old in a tattered denim mini. Your life is not the same as it was ten years ago, your wardrobe should adjust with your life. If you have a conservative job, you purchase suits and tailored blouses. If you suddenly switched careers and started working at a laid-back creative firm, you would probably donate the suits and switch to jeans and trendy tops. Adjusting to your environment and your lifestyle makes sense – it helps define who you are to the world and keep you comfortable and true to yourself. Running around town in clothes from Forever 21 and Delia’s is not being true to yourself. You can still be sexy, funny, ironic, girly, quirky and artsy in pieces that fit your entire life – not just the one you used to have.

Neither Do We Have One Foot in the Nursing Home.
No one says that just because you have children of a certain age, or you’re retired, or you’re a grandmother than you have to putter around the house in appliquéd tees, polyester pantsuits and frumpy frocks. Style and personality can be achieved at all ages while still maintaining class.

Get outside your box and check out some of the fabulous women over 40 who are on television shows. Check out magazines like More that focus on style for women over 40, and glossies like InStyle and Bazaar that offer tips on how to take today’s trends and make them wearable by women of every age. Google women like Barbara Walters, Helen Mirren, Diane von Furstenberg, Oprah Winfrey and check out images of them out on the town. It is possible to be appropriate, comfortable and fabulous no matter your age.

We Don’t Consider Fabric.
It’s a blue top and blue skirt, but the top made of cotton and the skirt is made of rouched silk. You’re wearing a chunky black wool sweater, casual jeans and black stretch satin stiletto booties. Black patent crocodile pumps with a conservative tan pantsuit. A gray silk cocktail dress with a navy leather handbag that has gold buckles and an adjustable shoulder strap. White and pink cotton sundress with white patent leather sandals with clear heels.

The colors all may work, but the fabrics clash. This often happens when one tries too hard to match, or to copy a trend in a magazine. Think about clothing the way you would about home décor, or seasoning on food. Curry, sage, vanilla and cumin are all wonderful herbs, but they don’t all taste good when mixed together. A baroque-inspired couch doesn’t look as beautiful as it could when paired with a slipcovered denim chair and a mission oak coffee table.

Stop trying so hard, and go with the organic flow. Fabrics that feel similar often work best together. Smooth with smooth, texture with texture, heavy with heavy, etc. If this still confuses you, purchase simpler fabrics. Stick with smooth leather or microfiber shoes, knit and twill clothing, simpler silhouettes, less embellishment. Know coordination doesn’t come from color as much as from fabric and silhouette.

You may also wish to visit:
The Staples For Every Woman's Wardrobe
How Does One Get the Polished Look?
A New Look on Fashion
How to Have Style

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2 Comments

  1. August 19, 2008 / 4:33 pm

    The large breast thing always gets me. I’m a 34DD to 32DDD depending on the bra, and when I see women with large breasts hanging out of a shelf tank or bouncing around in unsupportive sport bras I just cringe! Those shelf bra tanks are great for sleeping in, if, like me, you feel better with a little support even in PJs. But then, in the morning, you should take it off and actually get dressed with a proper bra and top.

    Also, forget the triangle bikini tops with the ties at the back and neck. JUST STOP IT ALREADY! AHHHH! Freya and Fantasie are the best things I’ve discovered in the past three years (NOT kidding). They have a better selection at lionslairdesigns.com than at FigLeave, too.

    I have a strapless bra that I rarely wear. It lifts, it separates, but I want to tear it off and burn it after wearing it for a couple of hours.

    The grass is greener. I’d love to be a full B or small C.

  2. August 19, 2008 / 1:26 am

    Great reminders! Thanks!

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