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My friend Jessica sent me an email yesterday with this GIF in it. Jessica is a special person in general, but extra special to me because she's a friend I made through this blog. Her investigative skills many years ago made her realize her office and my office at the time had to be within blocks of one another and she invited me to lunch. Figuring it was a public place so if she was a psycho I could make an escape, I said yes. We had sushi, we found out we had a lot in common, and we became friends. When Em outgrew her jumperoo, I passed it on to Jessica. When Jessica moved to another state, I got her in touch with a friend and coworker who lived up there and now the two of them are also friends!
Anyway, back to the GIF. It shows women helping other women rise up. I love it and could look at it all day. It’s a cheerful image, and one I don’t see a lot of lately.
When I wrote the post about what to wear to a protest march, I didn’t expect it to be as popular as it was. I didn’t fathom that people like Cindy Gallop would be sharing it or it would be offered as advice on the dozens and dozens of march-related Facebook pages. I was thrilled that is was, thrilled that so many found it beneficial, thrilled when so many women reached out to me with ways to improve the post to benefit those who were attending. Women helping women, even if it’s just on ways to have dry and comfy feet for the 21st.
What I wasn’t thrilled with was those who attacked me, and attacked those who commented on the post. Of all the comments I deleted, only one was an anti-feminism troll. The rest were women who were attacking and judging the decisions of others. Who were attacking me for writing the post and worrying too much about looking cute. Who felt women who liked and shared the post weren’t feminist enough. Who felt you couldn't like X or worry about Y and consider yourself a feminist.
I have a friend who has mobility issues and went to a Facebook page for the march to see if I could find some transportation information for her. I was disheartened to see arguments over the pussy hat project. Women were attacking one another, getting so fired up and vicious over a hat! I left and scrolled through my Facebook feed where I saw comments on pieces shared by bloggers and websites I follow where women were attacking one another for liking news about Kardashians, wearing a certain brand of cosmetics, for admitting they are a size 6 even when it was appropriate to the discussion.
Come on women, why are we attacking each other, especially at a time like this?
When it comes to the Women’s March, I know many of you going are old-school protesters and that is AMAZING. But the only way to inspire and rally the younger generations is to encourage them and include them. Sure you may find them being frivolous worrying about their hair for that day, but you need to see the positive – they’re GOING! They’re part of this movement! They CARE! As for what is worn the day of the event, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sea of pink hats, black for mourning, or a rainbow of variety. What matters is that over 1,200 buses at the time of writing this have registered to bring people to the march. Considering how many have registered along with this, we can expect 100,000 people there. That’s AMAZING, and there’s truly strength in numbers, no matter what they wear.
When it comes to life, the same thing holds true. I will forever thank my friend Erin for setting me straight with this blog. She used to be a blogger too, we met through this medium and have stayed in touch through social media. I’ve always admired her style, be it what she wore or how she lived her life. She called me out when I was judgmental over another woman’s style. I think about that often, and I think considering her words has improved this blog and made it a better resource for women.
Whether it’s what another wears, how they choose to react to the news, how they parent, or how they blog, each woman is doing what she thinks is best in the best manner she can at the time. Being a woman is freaking TOUGH. Sure, a la Ginger Rogers we do what men do but backwards and in high heels. But we do even more than that. Gosh, just having periods is a monthly ordeal that we face, have to pretend doesn’t bother us, and isn’t an excuse for slacking at work, parenting, and life in general.
We all know life in general is tough. We all have battles we fight on a daily basis, whether they are visible or not. Always, but especially now, when you start to feel anger or snark towards another woman, remember this GIF, take a breath, and stop to think why that woman may be saying/doing/wearing that. You aren’t a black and white creature with a simple black and white life. I bet that other woman isn’t as well. With so much against us in 2017, how about we start this year by lifting one another up?
I consider myself an “old school” protester, having started going to events in the 70’s, but dang–you said it all so perfectly! We are all in this together. Thanks so very much for saying all that you have!
On my way shortly to the march in Tucson….
YES! I came of age with Ms. magazine so I guess I’m an old school feminist, but I couldn’t agree more. Come one come all. We need each other.
Yes, yes, yes, and YES! I’m so sick of the arguments that women aren’t doing the march correctly – we aren’t dressing appropriately, we’re not taking it seriously enough, we are doing X or Y wrong. THIS is why I’m marching. I’m sick of being questioned and berated for my decisions simply because I am a woman. It’s so important that we empower one another, lift each other up, and support each other in our endeavors. Thanks for always doing that, but especially in your recent posts!
I’ve shared your post about ‘what to wear/bring to a march’ so many times simply bec. it’s SO practical. And everyone’s been appreciative. Then I’ve seen it being shared by ppl I know don’t usually read your blog — they say ‘I saw this posted s’where & thot it was helpful.’ Many ppl new to attending protest marches will be out there on 1/21, & what you wrote makes the event more approachable & doable & inclusive. That’s exactly what we all need right now. THANK YOU 🙂 🙂 🙂
Love you and this blog…..Keep up the good work.
Thanks Tina!
❤️
back acha!
Allie, your blog is the first one I read every morning despite being on the other side of the world (hello from Australia!) and having a different body shape, lifestyle and background. Your honest and straightforward advice is still invaluable and your authorial voice is so authentic that I always feel like I am catching up with an old friend when I read your posts. I’ve never commented before but this post made me want to reach out to you. I read your post on the march and now this one and I could not be more supportive of your message. I don’t understand the urge to tear other women down – we need to stand together. No matter where we come from or where we are going. Thank you for the positive message you are sending out into the world. It makes me feel better knowing there are smart women like you fighting the good fight.
Thank you Andy! <3
Alison, you’re one amazing woman. Thank you for this post. Much needed.
Aww thanks my friend!
Thanks for this post. I also enjoyed your post about what to wear for the march, even though I won’t be going.
Thanks Kuri!
I love this gif, thank you for sharing it, and I’m sorry you got so much criticism for your post. I had to explain the pussy hat to my husband, now he wants to wear one to work on Friday (he’s a chef!). Keep up the good work!
Aww too cute!
Yes! We live different lives, in different locations, with different challenges. We were raised in different ways, and our feminism may be different but the thing we have in common is we are all WOMEN. When we cut each other down we make it easier for the patriarchal misogynist trolls to say ‘see, woman are so emotional, they can’t be responsible for important things’. By lifting one another up, by supporting each other’s choices, we all win.
So much yes to this. I even quoted you on a friend’s FB thread!
Wow – thanks Allie. I often share bloggers thoughts and entries with my friends, but it’s not often one of my favourite bloggers quotes me in return 🙂
Allie, I love this post <3 I'm actually sitting on my couch right now and knitting my pink hat (still only on the ribbing… man I'm slow!). Last year, I left an Oscars Viewing party early because many of the women in attendance were harping on what the women at the event were wearing, speculating about which actresses got plastic surgery done, disapproving of hairdos… As women, we can do so much better than that! Thank you for putting it in words once more 🙂 I decided on marching at home in Boston after all but will be with you ladies in spirit in DC!
I used to live tweet awards shows but stopped because it’s hard to stay positive about what looks are nice in a sea of body shaming. Now I keep it to me, Karl, and Emerson chatting about colors, trains, and bracelets!
This is awesome. Thank you.
Hang in there. Ditto to all strong intelligent women.
Thank you for the original post and for this follow-up. Thank you for “curating” the comments to keep it positive. Sometimes differing opinions are very welcome; but there’s a line, and I’m glad you draw it. In these dark days (really dark if you care about women’s rights, reproductive rights, immigrant rights, the environment), I appreciate not only your beauty/fashion posts, but also for standing up for your values. You go, Allie.
Thanks Clara!
Bravo! When we build each other up, we all win.
Yes!
Loved your post on the March & appreciate all you’ve said & done regarding our current political issues. Totally agree that we must support each other!! I just spent part of my morning meeting with like minded individuals in my city to talk about current issues & how best to get involved. Our own state March is next Saturday & I’m so proud to be involved!
Awesome!
I am proud to have shared your advice post with my march-goers and am so glad you took the time and energy to write it! I am a second-wave feminist and I, too, am so tired of our carping at one another. We all have to remember that oppression thrives on “divide and conquer” ….
YES!
Yes and Amen to that! I’m particularly keen on supporting women to succeed at work. I try to mentor, encourage and support women who I’m managing or who are in my team (as much as is appropriate/desired by them). The low numbers of women in senior management and positions of influence in the UK (in particular) are shocking!
Thank you for doing that!
YES!
Yes, ma’am!!! That’s it exactly!
Thanks so much for encouraging Sisterhood.