My Personal Mertaugh List

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I am a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother, I feel this show is highly underrated. Every time I watch an episode, I fall more deeply in love with it.

Roger Mertaugh Lethal Weapon Danny GloverA recent episode was called, “The Mertaugh List,” after Danny Glover’s character Roger Mertaw in the Lethal Weapon movies. Many times in those films, Mertaw would catch himself having to do something and he would say, “I’m too old for this s**t.” Ted had created his own “Mertaw List” of things one shouldn’t do after a certain age. Barney decided to do all of them, and made a list of things that they were too young to do (which Ted then decided to do).

My husband and I have been using this catchphrase ever since, seeing and experiencing things, and saying, “that is SO on the Mertaugh List!” This morning in the shower, I was thinking about how certain fashion should be on the Mertaw List. I went to Facebook and saw a friend of mine was selling many of her old witty sayings tee shirts on eBay – one thing that I feel should be on anyone’s personal Mertaw List. With that, I decided to share my personal style Mertaugh List:

Allie’s Style Mertaugh List:
Witty tee shirt– Any tee shirts with witty sayings

– Any pants or shorts with writing on the bum

– Going braless

– Embellished jeans – embroidery, blinged-out pockets, bleach spots, fabric insets, purposeful holes and tears, etc.

– Baseball caps when not at a sporting event

belly button ring– Belly button rings

– With that, piercings anywhere other than the nose and ears (and the nose better be very small or for cultural reasons)

– Cheap bras that are bought because they look pretty, not because they look pretty AND lift & separate

– Any skirt or dress that can’t let me pick up something I have dropped on the ground and still maintain some dignity

– Lacrosse shorts

home hair color– Having a bad dye job – be it blue or blonde, there is a point where no matter your favorite color of crayon, you better have some serious talent or else leave it to the professionals

– Anything tight enough to show the dent where your cleavage is, where your belly button resides, the separation of your butt cheeks, or the cellulite on your thighs

– Cheap boots – tall boots made of obvious pleather, stretchy microfiber, faded suede; boots with flimsy buckles, plastic heels, cheesy details; boots that are too loose, too short, too tall. Cheap shoes can often times be played off as good quality; cheap boots are too much of a focal point to get away with it

Messy updo ponytail– Messy updos and ponytails – the type made with an elastic or *gasp* a scrunchie while talking, eating, driving, or doing something else where your mind and time is focused on anything but your hair

– Cheap club tops

– Hello Kitty/Disney/Warner Bros.

Gossip Girl Ray ban Sunglasses– Ray Ban Wayfarers

– Anything from Hot Topic

– Gummy bracelets

What is on your personal Mertaugh List?

A woman with curly hair wearing a plaid blazer holds a green fur coat over her shoulder on a city street.

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  1. Good post! For me, it’s those cheap plastic and foam flip flops. I live in AZ, so it’s practically part of the uniform for young and old to wear those things anywhere, anytime, but it’s taken me a while to realize flip flops like that are only appropriate for going to the pool.

  2. I like Bridget’s suggestion for old T-shirts. After I get around to making a quilt for hubby (promised 6 years ago and counting) I’ll have to do that with my old uni / sayings shirts no longer worn because they’ll fall apart.

    Yes, shoes (or other clothes) that are painful – wipes out most high heals for me especially after badly twisting an ankle. My most comfortable shoes are my steel-cap safety shoes.

    Have to say that I can’t agree with the bra advice – I’d never leave the house – too small to wear one. I just have to make sure that tops aren’t see-through (unless it’s cold enough to wear a singlet) and the neckline won’t show everything if I bend over.

  3. – I send the no shorts / tracksuits / sweatsuits and I add:
    – Running shoes not at the gym
    – Crop tops
    – Eyebrows that need plucking, lips (and chins) that need waxing, hairy legs on women
    – Clothes that don’t fit
    – VPL
    – Ugly or dirty bra straps showing
    – B.O.

  4. I don’t agree with the embellished jeans suggestion – most of the best quality jeans have some embroidery on the backpockets, or at a very discrete part on the side. I absolutely dislike tearing, but I don’t think all embellished jeans should be eliminated.

    Personally, I can’t stand shortshorts unless you’re under 20 and slim, and tracksuits/sweatsuits in public.

  5. Great list! I’d have to say that proper support for the girls is always a must. I can’t believe how many big busted gals walk around with their business drooping to their navel. Buy a good bra and wear it!

    Also, the silly women who, when its cold outside, insist on walking around in not warm enough clothes. You do not need to be naked, and thus freeze to death, to be cute! You can be covered up and still be sexy! Why do some women not get that?!?!?

  6. I totally disagree about the Wayfarers. Ray-Ban Wayfarers are and will continue to be classic. As for the jeans with embellishments, I totally agree; however, Ann Taylor Loft is selling capris with pre-tears, cuts, and rips. I do admit I thought they were cute and I bought a pair.

  7. Tanning! Time to start visiting the dermatologist, not the tanning salon…your skin health is more important than being tan! After spending my college years baking I am now so paranoid of skin cancer. Also, leather is not a good look for one’s face.

  8. Jeans so low rise that you can see an entire thong from the back anytime the wearer stretches forward. I find this appalling and sad! How can women not KNOW said undies are showing?

    Unpressed clothing that really does need ironing, linen that has completely accordioned so the wearer looks like they are about to fold up in their outfit; clothing that is linty, greying (when should be black), clothing with holes (and not of the arty variety) and other such slobbery.

    Y’know, clothing that is fading can often be dyed at home in a washing machine. If ya can’t mend it, ask for help from someone who can, or pay a tailor (mending rarely breaks the bank). Invest in a lint brush. Use an iron, or at least a hot dryer with a wet cloth stuck in there for a couple of minutes (you’d be amazed at how well this works on creases). Do not buy clothes that need ironing if you are unwilling to iron!

    Okay, I’m getting ranty. It is clear that I really dislike the sloppy, the messy, the unkempt. . .

  9. Well, I’m guilty of a lot of stuff on this list but I have a few years to mature.

    I hate the girls who wear the mini skirts and the ugg boots on cold days. You can tell they’re freezing!

    Even as a college student, PJs in public (outside the dorm or dining hall) is just a NO!

  10. I love HIMYM too. It is probably the best comedy on TV right now or at least tied with 30 Rock. I’ve watched since the beginning and hope we get several more years of the gang.

    On my fashion list – chipped nail polish, scuffed shoes and cheap handbags (not inexpensive gems, just cheap ones). I’m sure I have more but that’s a start.

  11. Allie, loved the list and have missed your writing. Welcome back and am looking forward to more words of wisdom.

    Your baby is just beautiful!

  12. The Wayfarers make me sad because they’ve got SO much cultural resonance– Cash, Dylan, Holly Golightly. Unfortunately they currently belong to a much younger crowd than I do.

    And can I add (this from watching my first year students) PJs in public. With UGGS, especially. This is mostly because they’ve staggered to class straight from their dormrooms, but that’s not really an excuse.

  13. Ah! I love your lists! And some of this stuff most high school/college kids should not be wearing. Mine would be wearing just leggings and a t-shirt in public. I always wonder if those girls realize that they’ve done nothing but change the color of their skin but holds NOTHING in.

  14. on my list would be shoes that hurt, as life is too short to wear anything painful!
    But I gotta tell you- I love my belly ring and what it stands for! I keep it hidden,no one but me and deserving lads know it is there, but I can honestly see it going into the nursing home with me.
    Allie, PLEASE write a book. You are so gifted,positive and fun!

  15. To put in a plug for uses for tees with writing or sardonic things on them, may I suggest Tshirt quilts? This allows for some functionality as well as preserving memories and such…I’m a grad student in biology, and I have a number of dorky biology shirts that I wear right now in lab because one of my work dangers is bleach. But after I end my tenure in a lab…it’d be nice to do something in order to keep them around. (and I have a feeling my kids will get a kick out of them, even if it is only a “roll my eyes” sort of reaction)

    My personal addition would be underwear or bathing suits that creates a noticeable or painful pinch. It means they don’t fit. I wear underwear with lace instead of elastic because it accentuates and covers instead of biting/denting my skin…which, let’s be real…isn’t sexy to anyone.

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