Wyoming

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We’re not a terribly religious family, but we believe in taking a moment before we sit down for dinner to reflect on all which we are thankful for. We regularly let Emerson lead, and it’s great to hear what is important to her. One time Emerson closed with, “Wyoming” instead of amen (the previous night we read a book about the 50 states). It has become one of the “things” we now say at times when, “I agree,” or “amen” would be appropriate. And somehow, this word is more appropriate at many different times.

Today I type this with both hands, and with no pain. This morning for the first time since February, I was able to open the jar of coconut oil without some crazy setup with a silicone mat and my feet. Last night, I slept through the whole night without waking up so a stiff throbbing (or asleep) hand. I drove to work with my hands on 10 and 2. I can get in and get out my contacts. When Emerson stubbed her toe, I picked her up with both hands, and gave her a two-armed bear hug.

The past two months have sucked. I felt helpless, useless, a burden. On top of the injury, I had work stress and then was completely disconnected from the office thanks to short term disability. I couldn’t blog, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t drive and get away. Personal situations took place that were upsetting, overwhelming, and out of my control. I couldn’t talk about my situation because it just seemed like whining, and I needed to be strong in front of my daughter. I got back to work and felt as though I didn’t have a place any more. My regular suit of armor, my personal style, which gives me strength to get through tough times was unavailable.

It affected my sense of self and my relationships with loved ones.  It made me not want to create, to write, and it sure made me not give a damn about how I looked.  The recent outfit photos?  There were a few tears during them because I felt so ugly, so fat, so stupid.  We did them indoors because I had such anxiety being outside on display.  Karl said I had to force through even if I hated it because if I didn't I'd stop doing them all together, and he knows how much I love the blog.  I just had to get back on the horse.  Funny, my orthopedist said something very similar about getting back my hand and wrist – fight through the pain, work on it daily even though it hurts, or I may lose it forever.

I just got back from a short family vacation, one that was planned well before my broken arm and one I couldn’t cancel. I felt so guilty leaving work right after six weeks on disability, and feared it would jeopardize not just my job but the progress I was making on my arm. The drive down was long, and I spent it doing physical therapy. I practiced being able to again make a peace sign, sign I love you, give devil horns. When at my cousin’s house, I was constantly making a fist and then flexing my hand, pushing down my hand and then pressing it up to work the wrist. One day we went on a boat and the speed, choppy waves, and Emerson clinging to me left my hand a red swollen lump of pain.  I didn't do my hair the entire time, hardly wore makeup, and lived in comfy knits and jeans.  I let myself relax and focused on my healing and my family.

And now I am back to the real world… for real this time.  I again am wearing clothing that makes me happy and feel put together, my makeup and hair are styled and in a manner than feels right for me.  My strength is coming back in both my hand and in my spirit.  It feels so good to come back.

Wyoming!  Wyoming!  Wyoming!

 

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16 Comments

  1. R.S.
    April 30, 2014 / 8:11 pm

    It is wonderful to read this and hear that you are feeling strong again. Your blog is such an inspiration to so many people, so when you feel strong, we feel strong! Great to have you back at 100% (or close)! Great post!

  2. sajoko
    April 28, 2014 / 7:42 pm

    Love the Wyoming! My husband and I say “pork” when we mean “it’s good” or “okay” or “go”. Too long of an explanation for the comments section here, but I love hearing the personal things that make your family seem so great and normal. Glad you’re getting back to life w/o casts.

  3. April 21, 2014 / 4:56 pm

    So I typically do my blog reading on my tablet and it sucks to comment via the tab so I lurk in the shadows and don’t comment as much as I would like. BUT I had to comment on this post – so freakin’ cute and I’m so happy that you are feeling better all around! It sucks when 1 thing effects so many different aspects of life for the worst. Happy that you are feeling better and I seriously love the Wyoming thing E made up, so cute!

    Wyoming! Joanne

  4. Kelli Gabel
    April 19, 2014 / 10:40 pm

    Count me among the glads you are back. I love your blog and I’m glad you are returning to your old self. I learn so much and get so many ideas from reading Wardrobe Oxygen. Don’t ever stop blogging!

  5. TinaPete
    April 19, 2014 / 4:56 pm

    Oh, you gave me my biggest laugh of the day with “Wyoming!” I still call raccoons, “craccoons”, my little son’s mis-pronunciation over 35 years ago. Thanks for sharing the good news about feeling more your best self. Agree with Anya’s post below; you seem like Wonder Women with being a mom, spouse, professional, AND stylish lady.

  6. April 19, 2014 / 1:11 am

    Welcome back! Your style–in fashion and life–is an inspiration. You moved through a difficult time with grace and good humor. Wyoming!

  7. April 18, 2014 / 10:20 am

    I am so glad that your spirit has returned. Sometimes it takes the painful journey to appreciate the other side. Looking forward to your upcoming posts….your perspective is a valuable one, your voice one that should not be withdrawn.

  8. anya
    April 18, 2014 / 6:45 am

    I am so glad you’re coming back to yourself.
    Can i please point just a tiny thing? I notice quite often in the post you write on feelings. and lifestyle and such, that you define yourself as a burden to your family /husband ( in bad times, because you feel you’re a slob, or causing trouble, or being ungraceful or whatnot). Please do not think this way :(. A working mom with a full time job and a blog, with so much passion and spirit and creativity is not a burden Is a blessing. And i’m sure everyone agrees. 🙂 Keep up the good work!

  9. Judy Unnone
    April 18, 2014 / 1:01 am

    So glad you have your “Wyoming” moments to hold onto! Glad you’re back to feeling like YOU again too because, selfishly, I love your blog, because when I was feeling exactly like you describe above after two strokes, your blog was one of the ones that I clung to and loved. But, more so for you because you deserve to feel your greatness and your unique wonderful stuff all the time. Keep up the great progress! :-). Jude

  10. A Dee
    April 18, 2014 / 12:07 am

    Glad to hear you are feeling like your self again.
    Yes, you would be greatly missed, if you gave up blogging.
    Wyoming, that’s adorable.

  11. the other Mrs Kennedy
    April 17, 2014 / 11:19 pm

    Welcome Back to You! I’m so glad you didn’t give up on us, I look forward to your notes, photos and thoughts. Glad you are feeling like yourself again, I remember being postpartum and feeling the same way and saying if I get dressed today, I will feel better, amazing how changing out look, can change our outlook too.

  12. Lynn
    April 17, 2014 / 10:36 pm

    Welcome back to your life! I’m kicking myself for not telling you earlier via a comment, but I’ve found your last few outfit posts to be among your most beautiful. You look stunning across the board — hair, skin, makeup, clothing fit and style. I know we so sometimes fake it until we make it (I’m feeling there now), it girl, your outside shines!

  13. VaMarcy
    April 17, 2014 / 10:33 pm

    I love the Wyoming part! And mostly I considered how my generally good health and capabilities are so taken for granted. Thanks for the gentle nudge to gratitude and compassion, and glad you shared with your ‘team’!

  14. Terry Fernandez
    April 17, 2014 / 8:59 pm

    So glad you are better. I also follow you on Instagram. Nothing worse than feeling how you described. Glad to see you back! Hugs

  15. Felicia
    April 17, 2014 / 8:46 pm

    Glad to hear your back and feeling more like yourself. You would be so greatly missed if you gave up blogging. I think you should be kinder to yourself. You were hurt and needed time to heal and that is OK. The important thing is that you are getting back to being yourself in only 2 months! That seems pretty amazing to me. Keep it up!

  16. Diane
    April 17, 2014 / 5:23 pm

    Yay! So glad you are feeling back to yourself. And very glad you didn’t give up the blog. Oddly enough I got all excited when I saw the title because I thought you were going to Wyoming. Why that made me excited when I live in Colorado, I’m not sure! Anyway, welcome back to yourself! Wyoming!

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