Open
My therapist recommended I walk outside more as I grieve the recent loss of my mom.

When it was time to pay for my mom’s funeral, the credit card I had in my wallet was my @bananarepublic Mastercard. I’ve had this card for decades because over the years, most of our family have worn some Gap brand. From onesies to tuxedos, we’ve updated our wardrobes with points.

And I got a serious chunk of points for charging my mom’s funeral expenses on my Banana card.

I decided to use them to buy clothes for winter outdoor walking. Nothing motivates me more than a chance to put together a cute outfit. This cute look is from @athleta, one of the few activewear brands that fits both my size and my style.

My Athleta purchase arrived on my doorstep and that day, a neighbor reached out, inviting me to join a group of women in our community who were supporting, not competing, to move 100k. I immediately said yes and signed up. 

This past week I hit 100k. And this past week week it has been two months she has been gone. I’m still going 💪 

Wearing XL. For reference I’m 5’3” and usually wear a size 14.

I share details on all my looks on the @shop.LTK app. You can use the app or desktop, search for @wardrobe_oxygen or use the link https://liketk.it/4pFaS
Open
Normalizing the normal everyday outfit…

It was a day of running errands, running to the office, and then running into friends. It rained off and on so I wanted shoes for potential puddles and a coat that wouldn’t soak through but also keep me warm.

The sweater is @universalstandard; I bought it thinking it was a bold purple but the color was off on the site and I got plum. But I think I like this better. I’m wearing a S. This is my second of this cardigan, it is super soft, dense, and holds up to washing. My other one I got a year ago and still wear all the time.

The jeans are @oldnavy and while they’re not perfect and stretch out throughout the day they were around $18 and I like the wash and weight of the denim. I’m wearing a 14 Short.

The boots are old Docs, the coat I got at @talbotsofficial last winter, and the bag is @maxwellscottuk and I’ve had for almost a decade. Earrings are @_jennybird, necklace is @gorjana. 

Disclosure: the coat was gifted last year but remains a favorite. The necklace was also gifted about a year ago but I keep wearing because I like it and it has held up quality-wise. The rest I bought. 

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!

#liketkit #LTKfindsunder50 #LTKover40 #LTKmidsize #midsizestyle #genxstyle #over40style #size14 #usinthewild 
https://liketk.it/4pDXG
Open
Counteract the gray days with cozy colorful clothes! 🌈 This cashmere sweater set is the prettiest teal and I loved how it looked with this candy pink Chesterfield coat. All are from @anntaylor one of my favorite places to shop because Ann has petites over a size 12. Also all of these items are on sale!

While I did receive these clothes as a gift from Ann Taylor I am under no obligation to share with you. This is what I wore to work and when I saw these colors against the green of my building door I had to prop up my phone and capture the color combo!

This sweater is a classic and with the skirt is created a dress effect you can style with tall boots, ankle boots and tights, or dress down with sneakers. I linked to other pieces in this color that would also look dreamy with this skirt, as well as other gorgeous colorful coats.

For reference I am wearing the coat in XL petite and the sweater set in L. I am 5’3” and usually wear a 14/16

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content! https://liketk.it/4plYr 

#LTKmidsize #ltkover40 #midsizestyle #genxstyle #size14 #midsizepetite #ThisIsAnn
Open
Just got back from a 4-night getaway with my sister @debbiefaye78 at @curacaomarriottbeachresort. It was a last-minute planned trip that ended up being perfect. We weren’t ready to celebrate Thanksgiving without our mom and this escape what just what our hearts needed. 

I’ll be sharing more once I finally unpack my suitcase and organize my photos and thoughts; but I couldn’t not share this picture from yesterday morning. Debbie and I got up early to enjoy some of the day at the resort before flying home to DC. We had the infinity pool to ourselves, finished our books, and relaxed before a long day of travel. 🌴
Open
It’s hard when you’re petite and most models aren’t; you have no idea how clothes, especially jeans will fit. To promote @universalstandard’s Denim Drive sale, the company sent me two pairs of jeans of my choice. And I chose to make this video to show how they fit on my 5’3” body. I am usually a 14/32 in jeans but at Universal Standard I wear a 12 because they’re super stretchy and generously sized. 

With jeans as low as $35 in sizes 00-40, this is a sale not to be missed. And use code INFS-BFALISON10 for an additional 10% off sitewide!

The Farrah Flare is a favorite because at my height, most flare jeans will lose what makes them special once hemmed. At a 30” inseam these are great with low heels or lug soles.

The Etta is a straight jean with a vintage fit. If in doubt size down. They’re also super stretchy and the 28” inseam (they also come in 31”) works with my boots and sneakers.

While I was provided the apparel in this Reel for free, I was not paid or contracted to create this content. Consider it a PSA for my fellow shorties shopping this fab denim sale!

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4oWOQ #ltkmidsize #ltkplussize #ltkover40 #ltksalealert #uspartner #midsizestyle
Open
Thanks to @talbotsofficial I’m ready for the holidays! #AD

I love Talbots for holiday fashion and this season’s new arrivals do not disappoint. And for Black Friday the entire site is 40% off with free shipping on orders $150+. Until noon, you also receive 50% off 1 regular price item!

I ordered pieces from the Talbots Holiday Collection and found great quality, great style, and great versatility. How cute is the Breton stripe bateau neck with the removable feather cuffs? The metallic plaid patio skirt is so fun, and these two dresses can glam up or dress down with a change of footwear and bag. For reference, I am wearing everything in either XL or 16 petite.

The ivory cords are also Talbots; the black trousers are from last year’s Talbots Holiday Collection showing how Talbots has lasting style. I’ve linked to exact or very similar in my LTK shop. Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.ltk app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content! https://liketk.it/4oDJF

#mytalbots modernclassicstyle #wondersoftheseason #ltkover40 #ltkplussize #ltkmidsize #blackfridaysale
Open
@somaintimates makes it easy to shop for a range of personas this holiday season! #AD With gift guides for a range of personality types, you can easily find great gifts for your loved ones. I was drawn to the creative one, loving the rich colorful florals, luxe satin, lace trim, and of course Soma’s iconic Cool Nights sleepwear! Visit Soma’s gift guide for tips on finding the perfect present this holiday season. #SomaGiftGuide #SomaStartsWithMe
Open
Working on the weekend is far more enjoyable when it’s in my office 💚

Perimenopause and the pandemic and homeschooling made our row home feel even smaller. So when neighbors revitalized an office building in our town center and offered individual offices for rent, I felt it would be good for business and personally. And I kept it when the world opened up and our kid went back to public school because it helps me have a clear start and end to the work day, but also because I created a space I really enjoy.

This weekend I went to the office to shoot some content. And once I was finished I enjoyed just sitting here, watching the light change. I think I may switch the furniture around, switch up the energy. I love that I can do that without consulting another or having another person’s opinions matter.

When you have a family, things go from me to we. I don’t regret leaving Corporate America to do this full time, but I do miss being part of a team. And I missed having an office, a place away from home that’s just for me. 

I wish more communities would offer rental offices like @thegranitebuilding. With reasonably affordable monthly rates, it doesn’t have to just be business owners who get office spaces. It can be a place to work on a hobby or craft, a place to WFH that’s not home, or a place to just read and write and nap undisturbed. A literal room of one’s own. Because sometimes a person needs time to be a me and not a we. 💚
Open
You’re never too old for a Rory Gilmore sweater… this cotton fisherman sweater is from @llbean and inspired by @marielle.elizabeth I shopped the men’s department for a better size range. The influencer influenced the influencer!

The jeans are @landsend I got last year and I’m glad they brought them back this year in several washes, inseam lengths, and plus sizes. If in doubt, size down. They will shrink in length slightly but not anywhere else, they’re super comfy and stretchy but don’t stretch out. 

Kept the collegiate vibe going with a trucker cap, HOKAs, and my trusty commuter bag for years: the large @dagnedover Dakota backpack!

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4o4bQ #ltkmidsize #midsizestyle #genxstyle #ltkover40 #over40style
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Fashion Advice · July 15, 2015

A Life, Replotted: Owning the O

This article may contain affiliate links; if you click on a shopping link and make a purchase I may receive a commission. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. 

chelsea henderson for wardrobe oxygen

“You gonna come for me?” my date said more than asked, too matter-of-factly as he unceremoniously slid his hand inside my jeans.

“No,” I blurted out, not giving my mind time to volley between honesty and charades. “I’m not.” As the words came out, a jolt of power rushed through my body. Or maybe it was the sudden drop in temperature. I readjusted myself, sitting up a little straighter. I contemplated trying to explain the situation. But the moment I spent searching for words quickly morphed into an uncomfortable silence.

“I have to get up early,” he announced, a ridiculous proclamation given the hour had long since ticked past midnight.

“Okay,” I responded, opening the car door, relieved to be spared sharing the history of my orgasms with someone who didn’t appear interested in putting thought or creativity into the matter.

Here’s the deal. I spent my entire adult life faking orgasms. Well, I can’t entirely call my actions faking because I didn’t realize the big O wasn’t occurring. I had watched my fair share of rom-coms and read too many cheesy, bodice-ripping romances; I just knew something magical happened toward the end of intercourse. And if you were really doing it right, this big bang occurred simultaneously with your partner’s burst of sexual satisfaction.
Naïve? Overachiever? Hopeless romantic? Whatever you label me, I believed real life sex would be the same as idealized fictional sex. But then it wasn’t. So I got good at recognizing in my partner when that moment was poised to arrive and verbally geared up accordingly. Meg Ryan adlibbed that famous scene from the diner in When Harry Met Sally but her acting skills had nothing on mine because I truly thought that this magical thing was about to happen to me. At times I supposed this magical thing was happening and maybe I just didn’t get what distinguished it from the preceding activities.

The truth is I never actually experienced an orgasm until I was 38 years old. When it happened, by accident after “taking matters into my own hands” upon the advice of my gynecologist and best friends, I was overcome with shock. This is what everyone raves about. This is why sex is fun.

Sadly orgasms during sex remain elusive. I can’t explain why, but to this day, I still struggle to reach that sacred point with a partner. Yes, I’ve tried self-manipulation. Yes, I’ve introduced toys into play. Yes, I’ve communicated intimate details of what I like and don’t like. Still, with one exception, I’ve never climaxed during sex or even come with a sexual partner in the room.

But with time, something else did change: I stopped pretending I had.

A (male) friend accused me of being harsh when I gave a definitive no to my most recent date’s inane and premature question. A (female) friend suggested I fake it next time. The common thread to their advice: if I raised the man’s confidence, he would amp up his game. But that equation doesn’t add up. What would giving him a false sense of security do but lead him to believe orgasms come easily to me? I wasn’t about to discount my pleasure potential to make him feel good about himself. I wasted too many years not taking ownership of my body. Lying wouldn’t have been fair to him, but more importantly, I know now that I deserve better.

chelsea hendersonChelsea Henderson is an aspiring novelist and recovering Capitol Hill staffer. When she isn’t sneaking time to finish writing her second book, she advocates on behalf of clean energy and environmental policy, reads, practices yoga, and single parents her perpetually hungry pre-teen boys. She also periodically contributes to her lifestyle blog, the Chelsea Chronicles and is intermittently good at Twitter.

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In: Fashion Advice · Tagged: Chelsea Henderson, columnists

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Comments

  1. Vanessa says

    July 17, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Thanks for sharing an intimate story.
    I agree, it’s so weird that you don’t know how things can be… Until you experience them.
    This reminds me to be kinder and open to my body (and my partner’s too).

    Reply
  2. Ruth Barzel says

    July 16, 2015 at 8:10 am

    This is a refreshingly honest piece, and it must have taken a lot of guts to share it with the world. I can’t recall ever having read anything else like it. I wonder how many scores of women out there share similar experiences and have never talked about it because we feel that there is something “wrong” with us. Thanks for putting it out there, Chelsea!

    Reply
    • chelsea says

      July 16, 2015 at 9:45 am

      Thanks, Ruth! If by sharing this, I can help one woman realize that there is nothing wrong with her, it’s worth it, even knowing that my dad probably read it too…

      Reply
  3. Kori says

    July 16, 2015 at 12:09 am

    Hmm…..Not really sure what this has to do with my wardrobe. Kind of annoyed to see this appear in my blog feed today.

    Reply
  4. crtfly says

    July 15, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    Good for you Chelsea!

    Reply
    • chelsea says

      July 16, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Thank you!

      Reply
  5. Ginger says

    July 15, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    What a thing to say to someone, no more dates for that fellow!
    I’m all for self-love, but I don’t think it’s realistic to think that another human is ever going to produce the experience for you that you can produce for yourself — television and literature aside.

    Reply
    • chelsea says

      July 16, 2015 at 6:24 am

      That is true – and I hate that society and culture has led many people to believe that is the norm. It’s nice if you can share those moments of pleasure with someone but series like Fifty Shades give the false impression that orgasm is always easy. And plentiful… And NO, no more dates for the jerk.

      Reply
  6. Roberta Johnson says

    July 15, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    You’re not alone! I was 40, always enjoyed sex, and figured the pleasure I had, was, you know, THE THING. A bit of machinery opened my eyes, dear Lord. My then boyfriend definitely experienced some “what do you need me for” feelings. Not in a childish or snotty way, but being needed as a person, not a sex machine, maybe was a little uncomfortable at that stage of the relationship? Anyway, thanks for writing – very interesting!

    Reply
    • chelsea says

      July 16, 2015 at 6:21 am

      That is so interesting how your boyfriend responded to your own epiphany! Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  7. Carol Egan says

    July 15, 2015 at 10:07 am

    Thank you Chelsea. What an honest and empowering article.

    Reply

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Since 2005, Wardrobe Oxygen has offered real-life style advice for grown-ass women. With years of experience as an apparel visual merchandiser and personal shopper, Alison Gary provides advice on how to achieve personal style no matter your age, size, or budget.

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Nov 28

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Just got back from a 4-night getaway with my sister @debbiefaye78 at @curacaomarriottbeachresort. It was a last-minute planned trip that ended up being perfect. We weren’t ready to celebrate Thanksgiving without our mom and this escape what just what our hearts needed. 

I’ll be sharing more once I finally unpack my suitcase and organize my photos and thoughts; but I couldn’t not share this picture from yesterday morning. Debbie and I got up early to enjoy some of the day at the resort before flying home to DC. We had the infinity pool to ourselves, finished our books, and relaxed before a long day of travel. 🌴

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Nov 19

Open
Working on the weekend is far more enjoyable when it’s in my office 💚

Perimenopause and the pandemic and homeschooling made our row home feel even smaller. So when neighbors revitalized an office building in our town center and offered individual offices for rent, I felt it would be good for business and personally. And I kept it when the world opened up and our kid went back to public school because it helps me have a clear start and end to the work day, but also because I created a space I really enjoy.

This weekend I went to the office to shoot some content. And once I was finished I enjoyed just sitting here, watching the light change. I think I may switch the furniture around, switch up the energy. I love that I can do that without consulting another or having another person’s opinions matter.

When you have a family, things go from me to we. I don’t regret leaving Corporate America to do this full time, but I do miss being part of a team. And I missed having an office, a place away from home that’s just for me. 

I wish more communities would offer rental offices like @thegranitebuilding. With reasonably affordable monthly rates, it doesn’t have to just be business owners who get office spaces. It can be a place to work on a hobby or craft, a place to WFH that’s not home, or a place to just read and write and nap undisturbed. A literal room of one’s own. Because sometimes a person needs time to be a me and not a we. 💚

wardrobe_oxygen

View

Nov 17

Open
You’re never too old for a Rory Gilmore sweater… this cotton fisherman sweater is from @llbean and inspired by @marielle.elizabeth I shopped the men’s department for a better size range. The influencer influenced the influencer!

The jeans are @landsend I got last year and I’m glad they brought them back this year in several washes, inseam lengths, and plus sizes. If in doubt, size down. They will shrink in length slightly but not anywhere else, they’re super comfy and stretchy but don’t stretch out. 

Kept the collegiate vibe going with a trucker cap, HOKAs, and my trusty commuter bag for years: the large @dagnedover Dakota backpack!

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4o4bQ #ltkmidsize #midsizestyle #genxstyle #ltkover40 #over40style

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Nov 15

Open
My husband has a special backpack he fills with weight to wear while hiking; it’s called rucking. I wear a @dagnedover Dakota and fill it with my laptop, my iPad, a full water bottle, and my purse and walk to work; it’s called commuting. 💁🏻‍♀️

But seriously, I’ve had this backpack for five years. It has been shoved under plane seats, in overstuffed car trunks, under feet in the passenger seat. I’ve worn it as I’ve walked miles in major cities and from my house to my town center. My daughter also has a Dagne Dakota; it survived middle school and continues to work through camping, sleepovers, and road trips. It’s genially designed, comfortable, and can take a beating and still look great.

As for the rest of the look, the vest (XL) is a new purchase from @athleta; the Rainier tights (L) are also Athleta but two years old. The purple top is @nike and about a decade old. Hat is @llbean and it’s on sale for less than $15. And my trusty @hoka sneakers that have had their own set of adventures.

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4nKRE

#ltkmidsize #ltkover40 #genxstyle #dagnedoverdakota

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Nov 6

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Another day of early voting for our city election, another outfit I wore as an election judge! 🗳️

I got this sweater set from @mmlafleur last spring and it continues to be a favorite. The color and popcorn stitch makes it wearable three seasons of the year. I’ve styled it with gold heels and dramatic gold earrings, with sneakers and a crossbody belt bag, and more than once with knee-high boots and a scarf at my throat. The color works with brown and black boots, the skirt silhouette and length with heels and flats. These brown riding boots are from @duoboots and almost a decade old. The scarf belonged to my dad; I have a feeling it was styled with a leisure suit back in the day!

I may have been more dressed up than other election judges but I think seeing democracy in action is a cause to celebrate! 🇺🇸

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Nov 4

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Early voting poll worker style 🗳️

I’ve been an election judge (AKA poll worker) for several years but this year I decided to take it a step further and join my city’s Board of Elections. I’m passionate about fair and accessible elections for all. The Board is acting as election judges for early voting so it’s great to use my previous experience on a city level!

I believe voting is a special occasion and I dressed the part. The puff sleeve sweater and pants are from @anntaylor; these pants are the same ones from the suit I wore earlier this week. I added a beloved @hermes scarf as a belt and silver hoops (they belonged to my mom) as a hint of shine.

If your area is having an election this coming week; I implore you to vote. Your voice deserves to be heard. And please ensure your neighbors know of the election and where to vote. 🇺🇸

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Nov 2

Open
Always fun to see my name in lights! 💡 I was a panelist at the annual @jaofcentralmd Leading Ladies event that connects local high schoolers with women in business. My panel was on using social media for promoting one’s business or personal brand. Along with other social media experts, we guided students and adults on how to create compelling and engaging social content and together created content for the conference’s feed. It was fun and I loved being able to share my almost two decades of personal and professional experience!

The dress code for the conference was business professional and since the event’s theme color was pink, they encouraged us to wear the color. 

This @anntaylor suit has been a favorite since late summer. I’ve dressed it down with a white tank and sneakers and glammed it up with a silk cami and gold heeled sandals. I love how Ann Taylor has petite suiting up to size 16; I know I’m not the only short curvy girl who desires suits and professional attire!

For this event I chose a berry-colored microfiber tank from @lovechicos. I own several of these tanks; they wear like iron and the tight weave and subtle shine make them great shells under suits. 

The look fit the theme but was also comfortable. I was glad to share my expertise and encourage others to see how they can donate their time and knowledge to a local @juniorachievementusa #JALeadingLadies #JALeadingLadies2023 #JACMD #JuniorAchievment

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Oct 18

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Sharing this from my #iPadOS17 thanks to @apple! A bit belated with all that has been going on lately but I’m really enjoying using an iPad to improve how I work, stay organized, and find new ways to be creative. Can I just say that editing video on an iPad instead of a phone is a game changer!

Recently, I attended an event at the gorgeous Apple Carnegie Library hosted by @flourishplanner_ to learn ways to make the most of #iOS17 and it was awesome. I brought my new iPad and learned about the new wallpaper, stickers, and organizing tools.

As for my look, the dress is from @bananarepublic’s summer collection. Kept it comfy with a pair of Samba sneakers and held down the volume of the dress with my black recycled leather @ganni crossbody. Added an old @_jennybird link necklace and a silver cuff I’ve had since the ‘90s.

#todayatapple #genxstyle #midsizestyle #midsizefashion #size14 #over40style

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Oct 17

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I love an excuse to dress up, especially if it’s for a good cause! This weekend was the @thenewdealcafe Masquer-AID fundraiser to support this independent cafe, art gallery, and live music venue in @cityofgreenbelt.

My family and I have loved going to The New Deal Cafe for all these years. Grabbing coffee with friends, having a meal, seeing an amazing band, participating in an open mic or one of their Reel and Meal events. So @debbiefaye78, our mom, and I got tickets and even chipped in for a plaque from us “Ashpes Girls.” 

Our mom passed before she could attend the event; we asked our like a sister best friend @shellymingram to join us in her place and we had a great time, dancing all night as our mom would have, connecting with neighbors, and supporting a local business we all love so much.

As for the outfit, the dress is @ronnykobo the bag is @ganni and I borrowed both from @renttherunway The shoes I’ve had for years and the gold metal mask I found on Amazon and liked how it could mold to my face and not put pressure on my still-healing eye.

And I know y’all will ask because I received so many DMs this weekend when I shared this event in my Stories… my sister’s dress is from @eshakti she bought it a few years ago and it’s even more gorgeous in person!

#newdealcafe #greenbeltisgreat #onlyingreenbelt #midsizestyle #genxstyle #over40style #greenbeltmd

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Oct 11

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The biggest fashion trend this fall is a return to classics. For decades I have turned to @talbotsofficial for quality classics with style.  This season, Talbots has a fantastic range of pants to update the wardrobe. 

I love how these @talbotsofficial ivory stretch corduroy straight leg pants elevate closet classics! Available in Misses, Petite, Plus, Plus Petite, Curvy, and in 10 colors, these cords are a chic alternative to jeans and just as easy care! I can run errands and have a bit of quiet time with an ebook and a coffee with comfort and style. 

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4kFNi #talbots #mytalbots #talbotspartner #ltkover40 #modernclassicstyle #liketkit #ltkover40

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