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The perfect red for the holiday season 💄

I love a red lipstick, especially in winter. It adds brightness to gray days and skin not exposed to the sun. Look in my dressing table and you’ll find at least a dozen different red lipsticks. But this winter my go-to red is “Relax” by @flyte.70 

Glossy but not sticky, long wearing but not drying, the Flyte.70 L+L.LipLacquer feels like a lip balm. One layer is a hint of color and shine; add more layers for more pigment, gloss, and impact. This isn’t the only Flyte.70 lip color I have and love; I regularly wear “Fast Car” which is a modern version of the brown lipsticks we loved in the 90s that looks so good with the neutrals popular right now.

And with products named after songs from the 80s and 90s I couldn’t not use this Frankie Goes to Hollywood song for this lip color!

This isn’t paid, it’s a PSA because I know it’s hard to find good red lip colors. And @flyte.70 is a U.S.-based woman-owned ethical beauty brand created specifically for U.S. grown women and I find the quality stellar.

Use code WOXYGEN15 for 15% off your order at Flyte.70

The quickest and cheapest way to update your wardrobe for the holidays is with a glossy red lip! 💄

#over40style #genxstyle #genxbeauty #flyte70
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The tree is trimmed! 🎄

When I was a single gal, I had the prettiest tree with a color story and theme. 20 years later, my tree is a hodgepodge of inherited ornaments, gifts from loved ones, and handmade pieces from both my childhood and by my child. And I think each year it veers further from the original concept the more beautiful it becomes!

My daughter and I donned our Santa hats, turned on the holiday playlist, a Yule log on the TV, and spent the afternoon getting our home into the Christmas spirit.

When she was little, my husband would pick her up so she could place the star on top of the tree. Now that she’s taller than I am, when he got home he just put his arm around her as she used the library stool to reach the top. Some traditions need to be modified with time but they’re still special! ⭐️

Top is a feather trimmed Breton from @talbotsofficial; the scarf as a belt is also Talbots but a few years old. The jeans are @landsend and the blanket on the chair in the second photo is by artist  @zanderschlacter
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My therapist recommended I walk outside more as I grieve the recent loss of my mom.

When it was time to pay for my mom’s funeral, the credit card I had in my wallet was my @bananarepublic Mastercard. I’ve had this card for decades because over the years, most of our family have worn some Gap brand. From onesies to tuxedos, we’ve updated our wardrobes with points.

And I got a serious chunk of points for charging my mom’s funeral expenses on my Banana card.

I decided to use them to buy clothes for winter outdoor walking. Nothing motivates me more than a chance to put together a cute outfit. This cute look is from @athleta, one of the few activewear brands that fits both my size and my style.

My Athleta purchase arrived on my doorstep and that day, a neighbor reached out, inviting me to join a group of women in our community who were supporting, not competing, to move 100k. I immediately said yes and signed up. 

This past week I hit 100k. And this past week week it has been two months she has been gone. I’m still going 💪 

Wearing XL. For reference I’m 5’3” and usually wear a size 14.

I share details on all my looks on the @shop.LTK app. You can use the app or desktop, search for @wardrobe_oxygen or use the link https://liketk.it/4pFaS
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Normalizing the normal everyday outfit…

It was a day of running errands, running to the office, and then running into friends. It rained off and on so I wanted shoes for potential puddles and a coat that wouldn’t soak through but also keep me warm.

The sweater is @universalstandard; I bought it thinking it was a bold purple but the color was off on the site and I got plum. But I think I like this better. I’m wearing a S. This is my second of this cardigan, it is super soft, dense, and holds up to washing. My other one I got a year ago and still wear all the time.

The jeans are @oldnavy and while they’re not perfect and stretch out throughout the day they were around $18 and I like the wash and weight of the denim. I’m wearing a 14 Short.

The boots are old Docs, the coat I got at @talbotsofficial last winter, and the bag is @maxwellscottuk and I’ve had for almost a decade. Earrings are @_jennybird, necklace is @gorjana. 

Disclosure: the coat was gifted last year but remains a favorite. The necklace was also gifted about a year ago but I keep wearing because I like it and it has held up quality-wise. The rest I bought. 

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!

#liketkit #LTKfindsunder50 #LTKover40 #LTKmidsize #midsizestyle #genxstyle #over40style #size14 #usinthewild 
https://liketk.it/4pDXG
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Counteract the gray days with cozy colorful clothes! 🌈 This cashmere sweater set is the prettiest teal and I loved how it looked with this candy pink Chesterfield coat. All are from @anntaylor one of my favorite places to shop because Ann has petites over a size 12. Also all of these items are on sale!

While I did receive these clothes as a gift from Ann Taylor I am under no obligation to share with you. This is what I wore to work and when I saw these colors against the green of my building door I had to prop up my phone and capture the color combo!

This sweater is a classic and with the skirt is created a dress effect you can style with tall boots, ankle boots and tights, or dress down with sneakers. I linked to other pieces in this color that would also look dreamy with this skirt, as well as other gorgeous colorful coats.

For reference I am wearing the coat in XL petite and the sweater set in L. I am 5’3” and usually wear a 14/16

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content! https://liketk.it/4plYr 

#LTKmidsize #ltkover40 #midsizestyle #genxstyle #size14 #midsizepetite #ThisIsAnn
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Just got back from a 4-night getaway with my sister @debbiefaye78 at @curacaomarriottbeachresort. It was a last-minute planned trip that ended up being perfect. We weren’t ready to celebrate Thanksgiving without our mom and this escape what just what our hearts needed. 

I’ll be sharing more once I finally unpack my suitcase and organize my photos and thoughts; but I couldn’t not share this picture from yesterday morning. Debbie and I got up early to enjoy some of the day at the resort before flying home to DC. We had the infinity pool to ourselves, finished our books, and relaxed before a long day of travel. 🌴
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It’s hard when you’re petite and most models aren’t; you have no idea how clothes, especially jeans will fit. To promote @universalstandard’s Denim Drive sale, the company sent me two pairs of jeans of my choice. And I chose to make this video to show how they fit on my 5’3” body. I am usually a 14/32 in jeans but at Universal Standard I wear a 12 because they’re super stretchy and generously sized. 

With jeans as low as $35 in sizes 00-40, this is a sale not to be missed. And use code INFS-BFALISON10 for an additional 10% off sitewide!

The Farrah Flare is a favorite because at my height, most flare jeans will lose what makes them special once hemmed. At a 30” inseam these are great with low heels or lug soles.

The Etta is a straight jean with a vintage fit. If in doubt size down. They’re also super stretchy and the 28” inseam (they also come in 31”) works with my boots and sneakers.

While I was provided the apparel in this Reel for free, I was not paid or contracted to create this content. Consider it a PSA for my fellow shorties shopping this fab denim sale!

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4oWOQ #ltkmidsize #ltkplussize #ltkover40 #ltksalealert #uspartner #midsizestyle
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Thanks to @talbotsofficial I’m ready for the holidays! #AD

I love Talbots for holiday fashion and this season’s new arrivals do not disappoint. And for Black Friday the entire site is 40% off with free shipping on orders $150+. Until noon, you also receive 50% off 1 regular price item!

I ordered pieces from the Talbots Holiday Collection and found great quality, great style, and great versatility. How cute is the Breton stripe bateau neck with the removable feather cuffs? The metallic plaid patio skirt is so fun, and these two dresses can glam up or dress down with a change of footwear and bag. For reference, I am wearing everything in either XL or 16 petite.

The ivory cords are also Talbots; the black trousers are from last year’s Talbots Holiday Collection showing how Talbots has lasting style. I’ve linked to exact or very similar in my LTK shop. Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.ltk app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content! https://liketk.it/4oDJF

#mytalbots modernclassicstyle #wondersoftheseason #ltkover40 #ltkplussize #ltkmidsize #blackfridaysale
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@somaintimates makes it easy to shop for a range of personas this holiday season! #AD With gift guides for a range of personality types, you can easily find great gifts for your loved ones. I was drawn to the creative one, loving the rich colorful florals, luxe satin, lace trim, and of course Soma’s iconic Cool Nights sleepwear! Visit Soma’s gift guide for tips on finding the perfect present this holiday season. #SomaGiftGuide #SomaStartsWithMe
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Health and Wellness, Wellbeing · March 13, 2022

Help Wanted

This article may contain affiliate links; if you click on a shopping link and make a purchase I may receive a commission. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. 

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Photo by Finn on Unsplash

The first time I saw a therapist was the summer after high school. My friend Maureen died in a car accident, and just weeks after, my friend PJ, who was also an on-again, off-again beau for a couple of years, also died in a car accident. My mom found me a psychologist and I found it really helped not only work through their deaths, but the transition from high school to college, living at home to in the dorms, and my dad's health issues.

I again saw a therapist my senior year of college. I broke up with my boyfriend, dated a very toxic person, made some very bad decisions, and ended up dropping out and moving home. This therapist and I didn't have as good of a connection, but she still helped me get through a very difficult period of time.

2014 was by far one of the most difficult times in my life. I slipped on black ice Valentine's Day weekend and shattered my radius. It didn't heal properly and required a year of casts, splints, bone stimulators, plates, and surgeries. It was my right arm, so I couldn't write, could barely type, and felt useless at work and unable to do what had given me so much solace and joy over the years – journaling and blogging.

And then I became a thread on a blogging hate site. Doped up on pain pills, lying on my couch during short term disability unable to do much other than scroll through my phone with my left hand, I visited that thread every day, reading strangers' opinions on my fashion, my body, my marriage, my child, my personality. Feeling useless, worthless, and hopeless affected every aspect of my life and every relationship.

On short-term disability and unable to drive, I tried out Talkspace, a relatively new app at the time to meet virtually with a therapist. I found a female therapist in my state and we had what felt like a texting relationship. She would send me a message with questions and a prompt, I'd mull over them and reply. It worked until it didn't. Being an online person who loves to write, I found it hard to be raw through texts to my therapist. I caught myself focusing instead on flow and sentence structure, concluding sentences, and telling a story. But it was a start.

A reader suggested Brené Brown and I watched her TED Talk about the power of vulnerability. I bought one of her books on Audible and as I took early morning walks around my neighborhood, I listened to it, often crying to myself. I ended up listening to every single book she had available at the time, and it helped. But I think if I had a proper therapist at the time, I would have been able to better navigate everything.

The pandemic was tough for me; I was in a panic two weeks into Lockdown. I am the sole breadwinner for my family, and who the heck is going to be reading fashion blogs looking for work attire advice when in lockdown? I reached out to my old Corporate America colleagues, brushed up my resume, and looked to see if I could secure some contract work in my previous field.

However, I pivoted my content and used the time at home to work on my physical self. I changed my diet, got a Peloton bike, began regularly meditating, gardening, taking vitamins and supplements, and finding ways to improve my sleep and performance. The year had some seriously rough spots, but in general, I did well mentally, physically, and surprisingly ended up making more from Wardrobe Oxygen than I did the year prior.

2021 was a whole different ballgame, and from speaking to many of my fellow influencer and small business friends, they agree. The compassion for small businesses ended as we “went back to normal.” But nothing was normal, nothing could be planned, things were always in flux. I felt more panicked than I did the year before, my business more unstable, brands more unstable, and my audience as stressed and overwhelmed and angry as I.

2020 was a year when we as a family were finding our footing. We, like the rest of our community, were forced to work from home, our daughter was forced to do virtual learning. I commiserated with other entrepreneurs, parents, and influencers through social media platforms and scheduled FaceTimes and Zooms. It sucked, but we all dealt with the suck together.

But in 2021 we were no longer together. The year started with an attack on the U.S. Capitol that had my husband dribbling Equilibria CBD drops into my gaping open mouth as I flipped between CNN and MSNBC. As the year progressed, I saw how disconnected, angry, overwhelmed, and separate we all were. Whether it was politics, social justice, vaccines, masks, or just what we considered moving forward, it seemed like every situation became divisive.

The division was even felt in my household. My husband and I saw things slightly differently, as did we compared to close family and friends. Vacations, school, and social life were all affected and every little thing felt really tense, emotional, and overwhelming. In 2020 I was mostly thriving at home; in 2021 I was a houseplant in too small a pot placed too far from the sunny window.

And work… work suuuuuucked in 2021. Almost every single contact I had at a brand, contacts I had come to see as friends after years of working together, either switched companies to brands not a good fit for Wardrobe Oxygen or got promoted out of influencer relations. I had to start over with individuals who didn't know me from Adam and judged me by my number of Instagram followers instead of my whole business. Reels came on the Instagram scene, changing the whole game. Who cared about photos or words, it was now all about videos. I came to hate a job that I had loved for over 15 years.

At the end of 2020, I injured myself, unable to ride the Peloton bike or do most any kind of fitness for six weeks. I healed, and then had back issues which required another six-week break from the bike and a return that my chiropractor said could be a max of 50% of what I did prior. I didn't realize how much that activity was helping me mentally until I took these forced breaks and fell into a depression I hadn't felt since I was lying on my couch reading about my smug expression and waterlogged feet.

My dad dealt with depression. I knew firsthand how mental health didn't just affect the individual but those closest to them as well as their job and community. I knew I needed professional help not just for me but for those I loved most.

But unlike Beforetimes (AKA before lockdown), I was unable to find professional help. I called 30 different psychologists, social workers, counselors, and therapists and none of them were taking on new clients. I tried Talkspace again but after two separate counselors' intro videos, got ghosted. Tried Better Help, and the only counselors they had available were faith-focused. I even tried one of them, desperate for help and they started the session wanting to pray and ended by assigning readings from The Bible. It wasn't a good fit, I tried again and yet again was ghosted, waiting an hour for a therapist who never showed up.

By this time, I felt I needed therapy to get over my experience trying to access therapy. I really wanted to give up, but I didn't because I knew it wasn't just for me but for those around me.

I reached out to my insurance provider to see if I had missed any options for mental health counseling. They offered 100% covered telehealth therapy with select professionals and had one therapist with openings. He was a retired Marine in Georgia who was a Baptist minister, father of 8, and grandfather of 12. I didn't even make an appointment, knowing it just wasn't the right fit for me.

I tried to get by with self-care. Struggling with my old meditation practice, I tried Peloton guided meditations and when the weather allowed, took after-work walks outside. I took a few vacations thinking a change of scenery would help. I tried journaling but as someone who always has something to say struggled to find the words. My nightstand filled up with dog-eared self-help books I never finished. I even returned to Brené Brown but didn't find the relief I did years before. Everything felt more like another task on my never-ending to-do list.

And then at the end of the summer, a practice I reached out to in January let me know they had an opening for a therapist that offered virtual appointments. I began weekly sessions with this therapist and almost instantly felt better. However, this practice didn't accept insurance and sessions were costly (about $150 a session). Also, as time went on I didn't feel I was getting what I needed out of this therapist. When our refrigerator broke down I stopped therapy because I knew getting into debt for a kitchen appliance was also not good for my mental health.

But I thought, if this practice now had openings, maybe others would as well. I again went through the list of practices and individual practitioners I had researched a year prior and called each of them up to see if they had availability. One practice said they likely would within the next couple of months, and once I hit my deductible, sessions would be covered by insurance. Within a few weeks, they had an opening for a therapist and I have been seeing her since the end of last year.

When I was notified that my sessions were now out of pocket because of the turnover to a new year with my insurance, I felt confident enough with this therapist that it was worth the cost. My family and I made some lifestyle adjustments to accommodate the cost without having to dip into savings or whip out the credit card.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because I am in a position of privilege yet mental health counseling was practically impossible for me. And because if I am experiencing such feelings while being in a place where I can afford and have access to medical and mental health, think of the millions of Americans who do not have such access.

This experience has given me so much stress but also so much compassion and empathy. Whether or not mask mandates are lifted, offices are reopened, and vaccines are administered, this life is changed and we are changed. We have lost so much and so many.

We have cracked open fissures in our country that we cannot and should not try to seal. This time has affected our personal and global economy, how we work, how we shop, how we communicate, how we navigate the everyday. And we lack the resources to know how to deal with it all.

These past two years have made those who hardly spent time online into social media and internet phenoms. I gained over 2,000 Instagram followers, 5,000 newsletter subscribers, and increased my site traffic exponentially over the pandemic. Business-wise this has been great, but it has given me a peek into how folks are handling this “new normal” and like me, most aren't handling it well.

The bitterness, the short tempers, the need to share every grievance, to make snap judgments… I feel I have a pretty tough skin doing this for over 16 years but the past year has been extremely tough. I write, just KNOWING what kind of responses I am going to get, and often don't hit “publish” just because I just don't have the capability to deal with the emails and comments.

I can deal with trolls, I can ignore the snark, but when it's people like me, who are hurting and not knowing how to deal with it. Who don't have the resources to navigate it all and it comes out in their social interactions, even though I know it's not about me, it still really really hurts. It hurts because I can't help, no blog or influencer or podcast or self-help book can really help and it just makes this existence that much more bleak.

In 2019, I would end this post by offering some bullets on how I deal with my mental health, feeling like I truly had some answers. In 2020 I would tell you to contact your representatives, get involved, make some noise, and fight for mental health. In 2021… I was the one seeking such advice. And in 2022 I fully realize I don't have the answers and am really not sure how to create a concluding paragraph when there is no pretty bow to tie up this national mental health crisis.

Though contacting your representatives will do a bit more good than another glass of wine, an Amazon dress, or a new pair of shoes.

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In: Health and Wellness, Wellbeing

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Comments

  1. Lisa says

    March 16, 2022 at 4:18 pm

    Your best post — and best piece of writing — to date.

    Reply
  2. hmbalison says

    March 15, 2022 at 12:54 pm

    Alison, your blog is a touchstone for me. I have learned so much from you and your journey that you have generously shared with us all. Your latest post was honest and so relatable–like you! Thank you. You put into words what I’ve been feeling. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically tired in 2022 after 2020 and 2021–and for me 2019 when I lost my father and was laid off after 20 years with a company. Life continues to feel hard and unstable. I’ve thought about looking for a therapist but I’ve put it off because of all the things you’ve experienced. I just haven’t had the stamina to navigate another “fight.” But, the help you’re getting is making me rethink whether I should start looking for a therapist to work with. All the best to you.

    Reply
  3. Veronica says

    March 15, 2022 at 10:51 am

    I’m grateful for every person who dares to be open and vulnerable and share their mental health struggles. I was a blogger years ago, and while it wasn’t my livelihood, I’m aware of the unique struggles of publishing personal content and navigating comments. I don’t even have words for the last few years of my life and the state of the world, the anxiety that bubbles beneath the surface and the days when it’s so hard to cope. Hang in there. I appreciate your work and believe in your resilience.

    Reply
  4. Michaelann Jundt says

    March 14, 2022 at 5:06 pm

    Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing of resources. We need your voice and bravery.

    Reply
  5. Rebecca says

    March 14, 2022 at 1:27 pm

    Thank you for your candor with this. I am a woman of privilege who can afford to pay out-of-pocket for mental health services. Yet when I felt during COVID that I needed to get back to a therapist and a psychiatrist for medication management, I also called numerous providers and got nowhere. I guess it’s better to be told in a message that no, you’re not taking patients, and no, you’re not doing referrals than it is to be ghosted, but still very disheartening.

    I often think that if I have these issues, it is that much worse for people who cannot afford mental health services. This country is going to see its disregard for mental health services haunt it for years down the road because of what COVID hath wrought, especially on our young people.

    I guess it’s time to pick up the phone again and see about getting on a waitlist. Thanks for reminding me to to that and I hope your therapy relationship continues to work well.

    Reply
  6. Karin says

    March 14, 2022 at 12:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing this so honestly written piece. I have been in therapy multiple times and know what a godsend a good therapist can be. Currently have a relatively new (to me) therapist who I don’t super-connect with and can only see through Zoom right now. It’s hard to discuss problems you’re having with your family members when they’re on the other side of the door in a very small house and not exactly therapeutic to sit in your car trying to see your therapist on a small cell phone to get some privacy. Still, your post is making me realize how lucky I am to have even this, especially w/ ACA insurance.

    I also appreciate your honesty about how 2021 and 22 in some ways are harder than 2020. It makes me feel less like I’m insane when I read how the govt. is considering declaring the pandemic “over.”

    There’s no good conclusion to my comments either, but sharing how we are feeling makes us all feel less alone. Thanks for always doing that, whether it’s about swimsuits or mental health, and providing a haven of heartfelt content on the Internet.

    Reply
  7. Lisa B says

    March 14, 2022 at 11:33 am

    Thank you for your unflinching honesty. It is relatable to say the least. I have turned to food and shopping to cope with the anxiety that seems to underlie every day of our 2022 existence and now with war also, I am grasping at ways to manage. I have been thinking of returning to therapy. I had a wonderful therapist for a couple of years when my mom passed. It may be time to get on the list to get back in with her. Thank you for the loving push

    Reply
  8. Anne says

    March 14, 2022 at 11:00 am

    Thank you so much for posting this. I agree with everyone else that I enjoy your posts so much and really like this community vibe, where we can talk about fashion and ideas in a (mostly) respectful forum.

    Totally agree with you about 2021 vs 2020 and now – OMG. We all need someone to talk to. I am a licensed clinical social worker, practicing in a hospital setting. Part of my job is to do an in-depth evaluation of the coping skills of patients who are facing a life-saving medical procedure. I tell my mental health colleagues all the time that I don’t know what normal coping skills should look like these days, and it breaks my heart that my patients – and my colleagues – can’t get the support they need. I’ve started doing free twice a year groups for a limited number of people to focus on ways to deal with stress and to give people a forum. Not exactly what they need, but it’s free and it’s what I can manage and helps me feel like I”m contributing.

    I would be lost without my own spiritual director, who I started seeing in 2020. We talk on the phone every three weeks and I mostly just cry. She is almost 80 and I hope to God she lives a long time. People on the provider end of things are also struggling as we witness so much suffering. Thank you again for this PSA. You really do make a difference.

    Reply
  9. Bette says

    March 14, 2022 at 10:21 am

    Thank you for sharing this. I worry it will be used against you sometime in the future. We are so backward when it comes to mental health, and no matter how many public figures try to talk up the value of therapy and openness, I know it’s held against us when we admit “weakness.”

    Any therapist who ghosts you should be reported to their licensing board. It’s unacceptable behavior. And so pathetically ironic.

    BTW, friends have been forwarding article after article about politics and war and COVID and the economy, each saying “don’t read the comments.” I can only imagine how painful it is to deal with negativity when you’ve shared personal info. Please keep doing what you’re doing — I and so many others consider you a true friend.

    Reply
    • Bette says

      March 14, 2022 at 11:26 am

      PS. I meant to say, I was hugely impressed when you rented your office space. I figured this was a deliberate mental health move, which I applauded and still do!

      Reply
  10. Stacey says

    March 14, 2022 at 9:56 am

    One of your new(ish) subscribers signing in to say thank you for this post. I appreciate the honesty. I am grateful I have a therapist I connect with who is covered by insurance but I know it’s a very rare find these days. Mental health is so important and I think we will continue to see violence, aggression, and just plain rudeness until people start to recognize they need to take care of themselves better. And decisionmakers should work on removing barriers to care.

    Reply
  11. bellatrix says

    March 14, 2022 at 9:34 am

    “By this time, I felt I needed therapy to get over my experience trying to access therapy. ”

    I feel this line so much. I have gained a lot from therapy at various times in my life, so I know it’s worth the hassle to get started. But especially when dealing with depression, it is challenging just to make one phone call, let alone play phone tag. I probably need to be seeing someone right now, but starting the whole process just feels so daunting.

    Reply
  12. Sarah says

    March 14, 2022 at 9:15 am

    Thank you for such a thought-provoking post. What stood out to me most was the notion of therapists “ghosting” us. This happened to me, and I thought it happened because I was uninteresting and unimportant. Your post made me think that perhaps it wasn’t my fault.

    Reply
  13. Judy says

    March 14, 2022 at 7:19 am

    Thank you for always treating us with respect and honesty, as yours is one of the blogs I follow where I truly do feel like the community is valued and respected. It is a two way street, as you see by all these comments, for we do very much appreciate your writing, whether it be fashion, music, or real human truths like this. The other comments are so eloquent, not a whole lot more I can add, except one perspective. I saw my then 25 year old daughter finish grad school as a mental health counselor, starting her first job(not counting the internships in grad school) in January of 2017. Her caseload was immediately heavy, with management always trying to book more into her schedule. For these last five years she has seen 38-40 patients every week, and each has notes that must be done outside the appointment time, plus if minors are involved, there are calls to DSS at times, which can take hours. She is so frustrated over the “waiting list” at her company, but can only do so much. Her therapist ghosted her(!) in this last year of Covid, so she is now trying to find someone who takes her ACA insurance. So you and your readers are very on point that the system is broken, and I don’t have answers either. All I can do is try and be patient with those I come across in my daily life, because I have no idea what they are dealing with. I know when I have been in the black days, a stranger’s kindness has momentarily saved me many times. Thank you and peace and joy are my heartfelt wishes for you, dear Alison

    Reply
  14. Christine says

    March 14, 2022 at 3:38 am

    Thank you for sharing what has become a universal struggle for so many. Like you I’m privileged and was only able to find help through begging a relative who’s in the field to help. Even then it took months.

    God bless us all. Sigh.

    Reply
  15. Kate says

    March 13, 2022 at 9:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing this, Alison.

    I would like to share a recommendation for Open Path therapy resources. My husband and I were in a bad place with our relationship last summer and agreed to seek counseling. We have insurance, but a huge deductible (thank you US healthcare system) and somehow I had heard about Open Path which connects you with in-person or virtual therapists on a sliding scale. Since it’s sliding scale, I was asked to share our yearly income and we paid a fee of around $50 to join. There were many therapists who were available right away and you can search by different crtiteria. The fee was reasonable and our sessions really helped. I’m sure it’s possible to make too much money for Open Path but for those eligible for the sliding scale services, it really helped us. I have no affiliation with them but I’m just grateful they exist.

    Thanks to you Alison and everyone who helps break the stigma of getting help.

    Reply
  16. Dawn says

    March 13, 2022 at 9:07 pm

    This is wonderfully written and so important to share. Thank you for doing that. I think I’ve shared here before but in case not, I always think about the time I woke up with a nosebleed I couldn’t stop. By that afternoon I’d seen my doctor and a specialist who cauterized the blood vessels in my nose. But if I’d been having a mental health crisis, it would have taken weeks to get into a therapist. It is a broken system for sure.

    I’m glad you found solid help. Rooting for you.

    Reply
  17. Katie P says

    March 13, 2022 at 8:00 pm

    Thank you for this important post. You bring such honesty and candor to everything you write. I’m grateful to have found your blog in the midst of this pandemic – it’s been a bright spot for me, as I know I’ll always learn something new that I can carry forward, whether it’s a styling tip, outfit idea, or mindset shift. Or, like today, I’ll find a point of connection and a reminder to find a moment to check in with myself today.

    Reply
  18. Jane says

    March 13, 2022 at 7:14 pm

    I found your site early in the pandemic spring of 2020. It’s one of the bright spots of my day to read.

    This post blew me away. You’re a wonderful writer–thoughtful, funny, honest. Also generous–you bend ovrr backwards to help readers feel good about themselves and we all benefit from it.

    For every jerk that might say nasty things, there are multitudes of us who appreciate you and your wonderful work.

    Reply
  19. Joy says

    March 13, 2022 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you for this very vulnerable and relatable post. There is a lot to reflect on.

    I regularly hear advertisements on podcasts that promote Better Help and Talkspace. This has led me to believe that their therapy services are readily available and easy to access. Your experience has opened my eyes to the reality of that situation.

    I’ve seen a few times people have attacked you and it has always made me sad. While we are free to disagree, there is a lack of decency and outright meanness in some of the things that have been said. It seems that there are much more positive comments than negative ones, but the ones that tend to occupy our minds are the critical ones. I’m not sure why that is. We all seem to have that tendency. Your words, “the need to share every grievance” resonate strongly. The option to scroll past something one doesn’t agree with is not taken often enough. Folks need to remember there is a person behind the post.

    I follow you because you are thoughtful and relatable. You put a lot of energy into providing worthwhile information to your readers. You include useful insights of ways that an item or brand comes short of your expectations. I can’t imagine the difficulty of having followers and needing to provide worthwhile and engaging new content consistently. I have a job where surveys are used and my continued employment depends on my metrics. I am expected to deliver content that is provided to me so I don’t have to think about creating it. You have an entirely different sphere. I don’t know how you’ve managed considering all that has happened behind the scenes. I have enormous respect for you.

    Reply
  20. Dana says

    March 13, 2022 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Your feelings and experiences really resonated with me. In the past few years of darkness and loss, the words and images you share through your work and the incredible community you have created have been a bright spot and a source of connection to humans out there feeling and experiencing what I am. Thank you.

    Reply
  21. Julie says

    March 13, 2022 at 6:28 pm

    Thank you.

    While this won’t help you, I know that many schools in my area are working with different outside agencies to provide counseling within the schools. This counseling is grant-funded. The biggest problems they are facing is that the need exceeds the available resources, and that’s when many parents don’t know about the opportunity.

    Reply
  22. Billie says

    March 13, 2022 at 5:27 pm

    This is quite possibly your most poignant writing yet, Alison. One addendum: it’s not a national mental health crisis. It’s international. I’m in the Netherlands, where health care is quite a bit more affordable than it is in the US, and I have two friends who are clinical psychologists – they, as well as everyone else in the profession, are overworked, overburdened and depleted. And yet, they go to work, trying to help as many people as rhey can. People like me.

    I, too, went into a depression, summer od 2020. I had been struggling with my health for a number of years, and as a result had not been able to work. In november of 2020, my husband and partner of 22 years decided he wanted a divorce because I was no longer “fun.” I spent 2021 telling the kids the sad news, working through all the paperwork, and wondering how on earth I was going to feed my kids. Then in november 2021, my only remaining parent was diagnosed with cancer. She died two days ago.

    To say life will never be the same again is an understatement. Thank goodness I already had a therapist when all this began, because I don’t know how I would get through this next phase of my life. But I also feel guilty taking up her time, because I know so many people are still on the waiting list…

    When we say we are grateful for doctors and nurses, we should say “and therapists” in the same breath. We surely would have lost more lives if it hadn’t been for them.

    Reply
    • bellatrix says

      March 14, 2022 at 9:38 am

      Billie, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in October. I didn’t realize how big a hole it would leave in my life. Sending you internet hugs from a stranger.

      Reply
  23. Laura Dick says

    March 13, 2022 at 5:26 pm

    Thanks for posting!!! I relate to your wonderfully written comments, and I appreciate that you didn’t try to wrap it up in a sentence or two. We are in uncertain times, and I suspect there are no easy answers. I appreciate you and read your work regularly…

    Reply
  24. Mandy C. says

    March 13, 2022 at 5:25 pm

    I started following you many, many years ago for the fashion. And I still love your fashion, but I stay for the authenticity. You are a bright light in what can be a very fake, filtered social media world. You help me, and many others no doubt, by always keeping it real. Thank-you and may 2022 be filled with love, light, and prosperity for you & your family.

    Reply
  25. Linda says

    March 13, 2022 at 5:05 pm

    What an insightful post! Thanks for sharing! The pandemic has really changed things. Generally I have been very active in politics and thought that everything would change with a new administration. Sadly, at almost 70, I am still naive! The way I am handling it now is giving myself news blackouts. I’m certainly not saying that this is a cure all , but it has been working for me!

    I agree that mental health is sorely underfunded and access to good mental health care is very limited.

    Reply
  26. Dolores Goossens says

    March 13, 2022 at 4:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing, we live in such unpredictable unprecedented times that it feels like everyone has lost their footing.
    I know I feel like we’ve all lost so much.
    Hoping and hanging in for better times ahead.
    Much love.

    Reply
  27. Vi says

    March 13, 2022 at 4:19 pm

    This! All of it! I found your blog a few years ago and was intrigue: Someone with curves like me? Snappy wit and funny with an easy to read writing style? Fabulous taste? Here’s someone I need to learn from!

    I had to leave a job I loved, OR RN when I seriously hurt myself helping a patient, back in 2017. Took a solid year to find a job that wasn’t mind numbing. Was in a great groove in 2019 and the start of 2020. Then wham!

    Covid. Laid off. Four months of frantic job searching and interviews. More Covid. Politics. Too much news. Scared for my family. myself, my friends, my neighbors, my country, the world…

    Your words and beautiful photos have ranged from a delightful distraction to a confirmation that others are feeling the same way I have been-at loose ends, anxious, distracted, angry, scared.

    I want to say thank you. I should have said it long before this. Thank you.

    Reply
  28. Beverly Buys says

    March 13, 2022 at 3:52 pm

    Beautiful writing and a summation of what so many of us feel. You are a cogent writer, I so appreciate this essay. You should be submitting to magazines if you aren’t already.

    Reply
  29. Susan Gawrys says

    March 13, 2022 at 3:50 pm

    You’re amazing. I find myself quoting your content often as well as your loyal readers. You are so much more than an influencer!! You provide valuable information, have established a diverse and interesting community, and facilitate thoughtful dialogue, Take care of yourself, we care.

    Reply
  30. Patience says

    March 13, 2022 at 2:46 pm

    I almost stopped following you several years ago, because at the time I felt we had nothing in common. You were a young mother and I was (and still am) a retiree. But what you wrote on one particular day really resonated with me and I continued following you. I am so glad I did. You and I have different body types, taste in clothing, etc., but I appreciate your honesty, knowledge, sense of humor, and political stances. The past two years have been awful, and all we can do is all we can do. Take care off yourself. Do whatever you need to stay sane. Try and ignore the haters. There are more followers like me who (almost) never write than the sad, vicious creatures who live to spread venom.

    Reply
    • Cynthia says

      March 14, 2022 at 10:01 am

      I too am retired with a different fashion style etc than you Alison but I find your writing so authentic and down to earth that I look for your posts each and every morning. After 10+ years I still enjoy your point of view and your ups and downs…..as a Canadian we have different issues with health care and many are without doctors let alone therapists. Hopefully now life will return to a new normal.

      Reply
  31. Sarah says

    March 13, 2022 at 2:32 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing- I hope the writing of the post was a small bit of therapy in and of itself. Hope you keep doing the things you need to do and feel better in 2022. I do love your voice & your content and I’ve found you to be such a great source for fashion and for life. Sending you all the good vibes from MN.

    Reply
  32. Marilyn says

    March 13, 2022 at 2:11 pm

    I appreciate your candor, vulnerability, and generous heart. Thank you for this post, Alison. It’s the best thing I’ve read this week.

    Reply
  33. Susan L says

    March 13, 2022 at 2:01 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I look forward to your posts. You are ethical and honest which I really appreciate. Please continue to take care of yourself.

    Reply
  34. Liz says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:58 pm

    I admire your vulnerability and honesty and appreciate learning how hard the past two years have been for you. What if we could all try to hold space for the particular ways these past two years have been challenging for others without comparing or dismissing or diminishing? What if we could all acknowledge our own struggles honestly without qualifying or adding a “but I’m so privileged” caveat?

    Reply
  35. Anna D. says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:50 pm

    Thanks for sharing about this, I think it’s really helpful for people to be open about their mental health issues. I tried BetterHelp before the pandemic and just didn’t click with my therapist, in part because of the chat/text-based format. I think like you, it was hard for me to be fully present in a text conversation – it didn’t feel real or meaningful. I also found that text appointments didn’t feel “real” in a way that I needed to put the work into the therapy; it was way too easy to blow them off. I lucked out at the beginning of the pandemic and was able to get a therapist when everyone was pivoting to virtual appointments and it’s actually easier than if I had to get in the car and drive to my appointments. I’m struggling a little with my current therapist – I like her, but am not sure how much progress I’m making – but I think a lot of that is me, not her. Anyway, not to turn this into the story of my life! But it’s good to see other people talking about these things.

    Reply
  36. Michelle says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:38 pm

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Reply
  37. Leu2500 says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:38 pm

    “ Reels came on the Instagram scene, changing the whole game. Who cared about photos or words, it was now all about videos.”

    META may prefer videos, but this follower prefers photos & words. I found you & stayed because of your writing. Thank you for still writing.

    virtual hugs

    Reply
  38. Michelle Ries says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:30 pm

    I just read this aloud to my husband because I both recognized myself in so much of this, and also really appreciate how candid and wise you are about the specific impact of the pandemic on your mental health and on your business model. Thank you, as always, for this honest perspective. This is why I’ve read you for over 10 years!!

    Reply
  39. Dianne says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:22 pm

    Talk about embracing vulnerability! Alison you are a brave and honest truth teller. I doubt you know how much positive impact your words and your openness will have. I adore you more than ever my friend.

    Reply
  40. Kat says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:08 pm

    I also struggled with TalkSpace for similar reasons. I am a journalist, and doing my therapy via chat was not as helpful because I couldn’t be free with my words. You are the first person I’ve read express similar concerns — for the longest time, I thought it was just me.

    Thank you for sharing this post. I am grateful for your voice, and have turned to your blog and social media many times during the last two years to ground, educate and inspire myself.

    Reply
  41. Cindy says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:01 pm

    Great post! Thank you for sharing your story. I so appreciate your willingness to be real on this site. And as others have said, stay strong!

    Reply
  42. Grace says

    March 13, 2022 at 1:00 pm

    Big hug. Thank you for sharing this part of your story. I’ve been riding the waves myself, and my overriding feeling at times has been gratitude that I quit drinking 2 years prepandemic… because that would have been an impossible temptation to disappear into, for me. I’m also the sole breadwinner (til recently. ) Ive also been dabbling with online help, trying to get outside every day, spending time with my dogs.
    You didn’t say, but being the emotional support for a teenager going through all of this has also been… a lot.
    Anyway… you never know how someone is really doing from what they share… so I’m always glad when people share the truth. It’s why I’ve been following you for like 12 years. ❤

    Reply
  43. Shelly says

    March 13, 2022 at 12:46 pm

    Thank you for this post. So many times we see only the positive, pretty side of people we follow on social media. In many cases it only leads to more feelings of inadequacy. It’s so important for us to see that others are struggling and trying to find a path toward healing and happiness. Stay strong, and again, thank you.

    Reply
  44. Lee says

    March 13, 2022 at 12:42 pm

    I am sorry that you are receiving nasty, hostile messages. Have noticed this in a group I have been part of for several years: there are a lot of Dr. Jeykells turning into Mr. Hydes. Please know that there are many readers who value your work but don’t post. Peace.

    Reply

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Weekend Reads #191

Since 2005, Wardrobe Oxygen has offered real-life style advice for grown-ass women. With years of experience as an apparel visual merchandiser and personal shopper, Alison Gary provides advice on how to achieve personal style no matter your age, size, or budget.

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Dec 5

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The tree is trimmed! 🎄

When I was a single gal, I had the prettiest tree with a color story and theme. 20 years later, my tree is a hodgepodge of inherited ornaments, gifts from loved ones, and handmade pieces from both my childhood and by my child. And I think each year it veers further from the original concept the more beautiful it becomes!

My daughter and I donned our Santa hats, turned on the holiday playlist, a Yule log on the TV, and spent the afternoon getting our home into the Christmas spirit.

When she was little, my husband would pick her up so she could place the star on top of the tree. Now that she’s taller than I am, when he got home he just put his arm around her as she used the library stool to reach the top. Some traditions need to be modified with time but they’re still special! ⭐️

Top is a feather trimmed Breton from @talbotsofficial; the scarf as a belt is also Talbots but a few years old. The jeans are @landsend and the blanket on the chair in the second photo is by artist  @zanderschlacter

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Nov 28

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Just got back from a 4-night getaway with my sister @debbiefaye78 at @curacaomarriottbeachresort. It was a last-minute planned trip that ended up being perfect. We weren’t ready to celebrate Thanksgiving without our mom and this escape what just what our hearts needed. 

I’ll be sharing more once I finally unpack my suitcase and organize my photos and thoughts; but I couldn’t not share this picture from yesterday morning. Debbie and I got up early to enjoy some of the day at the resort before flying home to DC. We had the infinity pool to ourselves, finished our books, and relaxed before a long day of travel. 🌴

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Nov 19

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Working on the weekend is far more enjoyable when it’s in my office 💚

Perimenopause and the pandemic and homeschooling made our row home feel even smaller. So when neighbors revitalized an office building in our town center and offered individual offices for rent, I felt it would be good for business and personally. And I kept it when the world opened up and our kid went back to public school because it helps me have a clear start and end to the work day, but also because I created a space I really enjoy.

This weekend I went to the office to shoot some content. And once I was finished I enjoyed just sitting here, watching the light change. I think I may switch the furniture around, switch up the energy. I love that I can do that without consulting another or having another person’s opinions matter.

When you have a family, things go from me to we. I don’t regret leaving Corporate America to do this full time, but I do miss being part of a team. And I missed having an office, a place away from home that’s just for me. 

I wish more communities would offer rental offices like @thegranitebuilding. With reasonably affordable monthly rates, it doesn’t have to just be business owners who get office spaces. It can be a place to work on a hobby or craft, a place to WFH that’s not home, or a place to just read and write and nap undisturbed. A literal room of one’s own. Because sometimes a person needs time to be a me and not a we. 💚

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Nov 17

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You’re never too old for a Rory Gilmore sweater… this cotton fisherman sweater is from @llbean and inspired by @marielle.elizabeth I shopped the men’s department for a better size range. The influencer influenced the influencer!

The jeans are @landsend I got last year and I’m glad they brought them back this year in several washes, inseam lengths, and plus sizes. If in doubt, size down. They will shrink in length slightly but not anywhere else, they’re super comfy and stretchy but don’t stretch out. 

Kept the collegiate vibe going with a trucker cap, HOKAs, and my trusty commuter bag for years: the large @dagnedover Dakota backpack!

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
https://liketk.it/4o4bQ #ltkmidsize #midsizestyle #genxstyle #ltkover40 #over40style

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Nov 15

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My husband has a special backpack he fills with weight to wear while hiking; it’s called rucking. I wear a @dagnedover Dakota and fill it with my laptop, my iPad, a full water bottle, and my purse and walk to work; it’s called commuting. 💁🏻‍♀️

But seriously, I’ve had this backpack for five years. It has been shoved under plane seats, in overstuffed car trunks, under feet in the passenger seat. I’ve worn it as I’ve walked miles in major cities and from my house to my town center. My daughter also has a Dagne Dakota; it survived middle school and continues to work through camping, sleepovers, and road trips. It’s genially designed, comfortable, and can take a beating and still look great.

As for the rest of the look, the vest (XL) is a new purchase from @athleta; the Rainier tights (L) are also Athleta but two years old. The purple top is @nike and about a decade old. Hat is @llbean and it’s on sale for less than $15. And my trusty @hoka sneakers that have had their own set of adventures.

Follow my shop @wardrobe_oxygen on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!
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#ltkmidsize #ltkover40 #genxstyle #dagnedoverdakota

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Nov 6

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Another day of early voting for our city election, another outfit I wore as an election judge! 🗳️

I got this sweater set from @mmlafleur last spring and it continues to be a favorite. The color and popcorn stitch makes it wearable three seasons of the year. I’ve styled it with gold heels and dramatic gold earrings, with sneakers and a crossbody belt bag, and more than once with knee-high boots and a scarf at my throat. The color works with brown and black boots, the skirt silhouette and length with heels and flats. These brown riding boots are from @duoboots and almost a decade old. The scarf belonged to my dad; I have a feeling it was styled with a leisure suit back in the day!

I may have been more dressed up than other election judges but I think seeing democracy in action is a cause to celebrate! 🇺🇸

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Nov 4

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Early voting poll worker style 🗳️

I’ve been an election judge (AKA poll worker) for several years but this year I decided to take it a step further and join my city’s Board of Elections. I’m passionate about fair and accessible elections for all. The Board is acting as election judges for early voting so it’s great to use my previous experience on a city level!

I believe voting is a special occasion and I dressed the part. The puff sleeve sweater and pants are from @anntaylor; these pants are the same ones from the suit I wore earlier this week. I added a beloved @hermes scarf as a belt and silver hoops (they belonged to my mom) as a hint of shine.

If your area is having an election this coming week; I implore you to vote. Your voice deserves to be heard. And please ensure your neighbors know of the election and where to vote. 🇺🇸

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Nov 2

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Always fun to see my name in lights! 💡 I was a panelist at the annual @jaofcentralmd Leading Ladies event that connects local high schoolers with women in business. My panel was on using social media for promoting one’s business or personal brand. Along with other social media experts, we guided students and adults on how to create compelling and engaging social content and together created content for the conference’s feed. It was fun and I loved being able to share my almost two decades of personal and professional experience!

The dress code for the conference was business professional and since the event’s theme color was pink, they encouraged us to wear the color. 

This @anntaylor suit has been a favorite since late summer. I’ve dressed it down with a white tank and sneakers and glammed it up with a silk cami and gold heeled sandals. I love how Ann Taylor has petite suiting up to size 16; I know I’m not the only short curvy girl who desires suits and professional attire!

For this event I chose a berry-colored microfiber tank from @lovechicos. I own several of these tanks; they wear like iron and the tight weave and subtle shine make them great shells under suits. 

The look fit the theme but was also comfortable. I was glad to share my expertise and encourage others to see how they can donate their time and knowledge to a local @juniorachievementusa #JALeadingLadies #JALeadingLadies2023 #JACMD #JuniorAchievment

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Oct 18

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Sharing this from my #iPadOS17 thanks to @apple! A bit belated with all that has been going on lately but I’m really enjoying using an iPad to improve how I work, stay organized, and find new ways to be creative. Can I just say that editing video on an iPad instead of a phone is a game changer!

Recently, I attended an event at the gorgeous Apple Carnegie Library hosted by @flourishplanner_ to learn ways to make the most of #iOS17 and it was awesome. I brought my new iPad and learned about the new wallpaper, stickers, and organizing tools.

As for my look, the dress is from @bananarepublic’s summer collection. Kept it comfy with a pair of Samba sneakers and held down the volume of the dress with my black recycled leather @ganni crossbody. Added an old @_jennybird link necklace and a silver cuff I’ve had since the ‘90s.

#todayatapple #genxstyle #midsizestyle #midsizefashion #size14 #over40style

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Oct 17

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I love an excuse to dress up, especially if it’s for a good cause! This weekend was the @thenewdealcafe Masquer-AID fundraiser to support this independent cafe, art gallery, and live music venue in @cityofgreenbelt.

My family and I have loved going to The New Deal Cafe for all these years. Grabbing coffee with friends, having a meal, seeing an amazing band, participating in an open mic or one of their Reel and Meal events. So @debbiefaye78, our mom, and I got tickets and even chipped in for a plaque from us “Ashpes Girls.” 

Our mom passed before she could attend the event; we asked our like a sister best friend @shellymingram to join us in her place and we had a great time, dancing all night as our mom would have, connecting with neighbors, and supporting a local business we all love so much.

As for the outfit, the dress is @ronnykobo the bag is @ganni and I borrowed both from @renttherunway The shoes I’ve had for years and the gold metal mask I found on Amazon and liked how it could mold to my face and not put pressure on my still-healing eye.

And I know y’all will ask because I received so many DMs this weekend when I shared this event in my Stories… my sister’s dress is from @eshakti she bought it a few years ago and it’s even more gorgeous in person!

#newdealcafe #greenbeltisgreat #onlyingreenbelt #midsizestyle #genxstyle #over40style #greenbeltmd

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