My Wardrobe Today – Wednesday

This is not me today, though this is what I am wearing – right down to the necklace

No pictures from today. Feel free to check out this post, for I am wearing the same exact outfit.

This morning I had a mini meltdown. I haven’t had one of these in a very long while. All day yesterday I had the feeling I was due for a migraine. Since leaving retail, I hardly ever get migraines, however I KNOW when one is coming. Feeling disconnected from my body, a slight twinge of something around my left eye, experiencing everything with this weird speedy high energy.

After getting pregnant, migraines were usually replaced by panic attacks. Usually they are pretty mild – no one is aware while I am a total mess inside. I excuse myself for some fresh air or lock myself in a bathroom stall until it subsides. Eating less meat and doing more yoga keeps panic attacks and migraines at bay.

I have been eating a lot of meat and doing very little yoga. On top of it, Christmas is in THREE DAYS! Shocker, I had a panic attack this morning. My husband grabs my camera and says, “Do you want to take your picture inside or outside?”

“No picture today,” I said. “I believe I am having a panic attack.” My husband understood, and got Emerson in her coat and boots, grabbed my purse and the diaper bag (Emerson spends Wednesdays at her grandma’s house), and headed outside. Though I was alone in the house, I locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the floor and pressed my face against the cool exterior of the washing machine. Breathe, breathe breathe. It’s just a panic attack, you will live. You’re okay. But I didn’t feel okay, and I was fighting against my rational self. I started to shake and hyperventilate and tears were streaming out of my eyes. And I let go, I let my body have this attack. I lay down on the floor, curled up in a ball and had a freak out.

And then it stopped. I got up, cleaned up my eye makeup, brushed my teeth, reapplied my lipglossir?t=whaevewomneei 20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B001BBOLOI, got on my coat and went outside. My husband and Emerson were in the court, Emerson was stepping on every pile of “snowman” (she calls all snow “snowman”) she could find and they were counting. One snowman, two snowman, three snowman! The car was running, we all got in to the cozy warm interior, my husband handed me a travel mug full of hot coffee and we headed to the Metro.

“Silver lining,” I tell my husband. “This means I won’t end up with a Christmas Day migraine!” The other silver lining is that I feel so rested now. Yesterday I was feeling so stressed, so tired, and so unmotivated. Today I feel as though I can finish all my work projects today and tomorrow, and can really enjoy the upcoming holidays and time off work. I can enjoy this time with my family, and maybe tonight for the first time in over a week I can have a good night’s sleep.

And tomorrow I should have outfit pictures!

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23 Comments

  1. December 26, 2010 / 3:59 pm

    Ouch. Glad it happened at home – panic attacks (which I too see as body/mind/spirit releasing stress, a positive thing if you go with it) are always so much worse in unfamiliar surroundings.

    Hope you’re having a wonderful relaxing time with your family – enjoy your week!

  2. December 23, 2010 / 6:24 pm

    Hugs to you @Allie! This is definitely a rough time of year for everyone. 😉

  3. Anonymous
    December 23, 2010 / 2:13 pm

    I used to get panic attacks but now I don’t get them unless I’m on a plane. My doctor told me exercise, no caffeine, limiting sugar is a good way to get rid of them. Too much stress and adrenaline and not enough exercise keeps it all pent up. I had attacks for many years and I consider myself cured. I don’t always eat healthy but I don’t keep stuff bottled up inside anymore. Hope you feel better! You look fantastic by the way!!

  4. December 23, 2010 / 11:37 am

    You guys are why I blog. Your comments are amazing – so supportive! THANK YOU!!!!

  5. Anonymous
    December 23, 2010 / 3:13 am

    Thank you for letting us know another side of you. It makes your sense of style and fun richer and more real. I just love your blog. It makes me feel prettier and more self-accepting. Martha

  6. December 23, 2010 / 12:28 am

    Thank you for being honest with your readers. Please relax and enjoy your time off with your family :).

  7. Anonymous
    December 22, 2010 / 11:07 pm

    I love your blog…although I’ve never commented before. I just want to say “I’ve been there”…I’m so glad you are feeling better now. Thanks for all that you do! Take care of yourself, and enjoy the holidays!

  8. December 22, 2010 / 9:45 pm

    Glad you’re feeling better!

  9. December 22, 2010 / 8:51 pm

    You all are fantastic – for a moment I considered not posting at all, but I try to be honest – warts and all. And really, who DOESN’T get stressed before holidays and major events? Thank you all for your support, I am so lucky to have such amazing people read my blog and be my blogging buddies! 🙂

  10. December 22, 2010 / 8:49 pm

    Dang! I’m sitting here on the tail end of a migraine. I never put together the signs you mentioned – the eye twitch and that feeling of hyper energy. I felt that way yesterday but didn’t understand why.
    I’ve had panic attacks too and I agree with the others – you described it well. Hang in there. I loved hearing how supportive your husband is and how you two balance each other out. It shines through in your writing.

  11. Anonymous
    December 22, 2010 / 7:59 pm

    You look so wonderful lately, so svelte and polished. I’m so sorry you had the panic attack but I can definetly relate. I know when I have those breakdowns and tears flow that I always feel better afterwards, it’s almost a cleasing thing to do. God bless and have a great Christmas!

  12. December 22, 2010 / 7:21 pm

    i had migraines for years. now i’m old enough for ‘the other M’ and have migraines maybe 2-3 x’s yearly – before it was at least once a week – hurray for menopause!

    but i had the same feeling about it – your body has to burn off the stress somehow(emotional, mental, & physical). so it’s possible to feel BETTER after a migraine, panic attack, or whatever. weird but true! glad you’re feeling better now, and have a great end of the year! i always find interesting and helpful style ideas on your site – thank you for all the work you put into it! steph

  13. December 22, 2010 / 7:11 pm

    Aww, I just tried to post a comment and Websense ate it. Trying again:

    I HATE panic attacks. It’s the worst feeling to notice one coming on and feel powerless in its face. I truly admire you, though, for being able to see the silver lining in a bad situation.

    Hope you keep feeling better, and have a great Christmas. One where you can relax and enjoy your family.

  14. December 22, 2010 / 5:21 pm

    I have just recently found you and thoroughly enjoy the expertise that you share! With the stress of the holidays, a new baby, family in town, moving back home after a kitchen remodel, etc. I too have been feeling more anxious and stressed than I would like! Reading your post today reminded me that I’m not the only one who might a little overwhelmed right now! Thanks for being real! 🙂

  15. December 22, 2010 / 4:58 pm

    I’m glad you are feeling better! I’m sure you look super adorable – love that outfit! Christmas is almost here, and you’ll be able to relax before you know it!

  16. December 22, 2010 / 4:24 pm

    Panic attacks are really terrible but it sounds like you got through it beautifully. I hope you have a great day today!!

  17. December 22, 2010 / 4:19 pm

    I’m glad you’re doing better – panic attacks are definitely no fun. I started having them my first year of college and they are extremely scary! At least you only have one more day and then break time!

  18. December 22, 2010 / 3:58 pm

    I think panic attacks are so hard to describe to people who never have them but you did a pretty good job. It’s not fun! I’m glad it passed though, and you are still fabulous.

  19. December 22, 2010 / 3:53 pm

    Hope it passes quickly – as someone who has panic attacks, I can say that you did the right thing. Let it come. Let it go.
    You are (like me, I might add) very lucky to have a supportive hubs who knows how to help you with this stuff.

    Hang in there, remember it’s all about time with family and friends.
    Happy Holidays!!

  20. kathy
    December 22, 2010 / 3:40 pm

    I’m glad you’re feeling better, even if you did have to have a meltdown to accomplish that. I went home from work sick yesterday afternoon; had muscle aches and a tummy ache, but I’m much better today. It’s crazy when you can’t even allow yourself to relax and/or get sick at Christmas. I’ve got cookies to bake, gifts to wrap, no, no, no!!!

    Thursday is my last day too and it can’t come too soon. I’m off till New Year’s like you. I’m looking forward to hanging out on the couch between Xmas and New Years. Can’t wait!

    Have a great day.

  21. December 22, 2010 / 3:39 pm

    wow. I just hyperventilate when I get stressed out. I’ve never had a panic attack. I’m so sorry! Feel better!!!

  22. December 22, 2010 / 3:23 pm

    Thanks Lisa! 🙂

  23. Lisa
    December 22, 2010 / 3:21 pm

    Feel better! Love your blog….lots of ideas for me; I’m severely fashion challenged and I like to keep this basic and classic, with a little flair…I think you do that well!

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